Bumper sticker: A fart is a turd requesting clearance for departure...

I've always heard that a fart was a turd honking for the right-of-way!

i will always maintain the fart with a lump in it is the worse surprise in the world...................................

I was told that a fart is the lonely cry of a turd

From the Canterbury Tales, the Miller's Tale--

Absolom, seeking revenge, is outside the window of the bedroom from which Nicholas is about to pass gas during the night. Nicholas sticks his ass outside the window (so as not to offend the sleeping girlfriend):

This Nicholas just then let fly a fart
As loud as it had been a thunder-clap,
And well-nigh blinded Absalom, poor chap;
But he was ready with his iron hot
And Nicholas right in the arse he got.
Off went the skin a hand's-breadth broad, about,
The coulter burned his bottom so, throughout,
That for the pain he thought that he should die.
And like one mad he started in to cry,
"Help! Water! Water! For God's dear heart!"