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WWW: Sorry old bud, but, it's called DIVORCE!! George "Gun Control is NOT about Guns' "It's about Control!!" Join the NRA today!" LM: NRA, DAV, George L. Dwight | |||
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I don't put up a lot of posts on AR but this one caught my eye. It is an age old issue. I think that immaturity, power and control is what's at the root of these issues. I call it "jockeying for position". I have had several friends that hunted briefly with me because of similar issue, I don't hunt with them any more. If a spouse, either one, knows that the other has a passion for something and continually tries to "roadblock" the other from doing it and it is not financially a problem it doesn't just stop and start with the hunting. I have been married for 31 years and have been fortunate enough to have a wife that has never stood in my way hunting. I have tried to get her to go with me, namely Africa but she would not but she didn't stand in my way. Having said the above, don't think we haven't "jockeyed for position" on other things. We have. Good luck! Zim 2006 Zim 2007 Namibia 2013 Brown Bear Togiak Nat'l Refuge Sep 2010 Argentina 2019 RSA 2023 Tanzania 2024 SCI Life Member USMC | |||
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Only you can know what to do. We can offer what we might do, but obviously all relationships are different and no one here can possibly know what's best for your family. The right thing could be to put off solo hunting trips until the kids are much older, but again, only you can know what to do. In December it will be 38 years since I was single. I've made lots of compromises over those years but they've been more than worth it. Your family I expect is a whole lot more important than a hunt. I learned this from my Father. In November 1963, the day JFK was killed, my Dad was out deer hunting in western NY where we lived. There were 5 of us kids then, with the sixth a couple years away. Well, Dad got shot at accidentally that day. He was in the woods, blew his nose, and some idiot took a "sound shot" and put a 12-gauge slug into the tree next to my Dad. Shaken doesn't begin to describe my Dad. He couldn't get out of his head what would have happened to his wife and 5 kids, all of us kids under the age of 9, had he been shot that day. He sold his shotguns the next week and didn't hunt again until my kid brother was in his third year of high school. You'll know what's best for your family. John Farner If you haven't, please join the NRA! | |||
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Thanks for all the "advice". I have enjoyed it. She is a school teacher on a hiatus to raise our kids. So she doesn't get out of the house much. We live in the Mojave Desert of SoCal, so there isn't much for her to do here if I am gone. I told her last night that I was not driving back and forth 1-2 hours twice a day. We are booked at the DOD lodging on base, and we'll stay there until we are done. I'll rent her a car on post so she can toodle around. Or they can go out in the field with me and stay in the truck (sucky option, I remember being too little to hunt, and doing that as a kid). If you are eligible the military tags are a great option. Huachuca has this program, NAS Kingsville, and there are quite a few others. Typically it is only; active duty, dod civilians assigned to the post and retirees. | |||
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One more thought. Maybe you go hunting and add the days in a resort onto the end of the trip. Makes a longer time away from work, but might sweeten the deal enough to close it. TomP Our country, right or wrong. When right, to be kept right, when wrong to be put right. Carl Schurz (1829 - 1906) | |||
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I guess I'm just lucky. My wife and I have been married for 28 years and I have gone on many hunting trips without her all that time. I have invited her many times, including the trips to Africa and she has always turned me down. (though now that she is getting seriously into photography that might change.) When the kids were very little, they stayed home with her. When they got old enough to come with, they did. I agree with those who have said that offering some sort of quid prop quo is important. All successful human relationships require some compromise. Those whose answer to the original question amounts to "man up" well... I can only imagine what life in your homes must be like. Definitely not how I would choose to live. | |||
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Why in the hell should he offer her anything to get away by himself for one short week when he's been married for six years and they have always gone everywhere together? That IMHO Is horseshit! The guy says they just had a nice family vacation and are going on another after his short hunting trip is over. How in the hell much does he need to give her to have a happy marriage? This suck it up and take her, etc. in my books is a bad situation that will only get worse and the bed may have already been made if he cowtows to her over a few days away with everything he's already doing for her and the family. This is what happens when significant stuff isn't discussed BEFORE marriage! | |||
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BWW, in my opinion, you have heard from the best and worst of American society today. I happen to fall in the camp with Toomany Tools and sidrks and CHC. Your family and marriage are much more important than ANY hunting trip. Certainly, I would talk to her, as you obviously did, and I hope you came to a good compromise. I, like CHC, have been on the edge before early in my , now 31 year marriage. I had a full week hunting trip scheduled two weeks after my second daughter was born. I went and left her with two kids under 2 including a newborn. I got a phone call that was only half joking that said, "If you want to see your children alive, you will come home NOW". Obviously she would never hurt any of our children, but I did get the point. Now, 30 years later, I hear a lot of, "why don't you go see Randall for a pig hunt, you haven't been in a while" or when I wanted to go antelope hunting with JeremkKS this year, all I got was a "Good luck. Do you need me to do anything or help pay for anything?" The rewards come later in life a lot of times. On the other side you have the folks I like to call Me Firsts. The entire Democratic party is built on their likes. You will hear things like, "Screw what she wants, think only about yourself. Who cares what she wants, be a man and tell her to F-off." ME. me. me, I want, I want, I want. They say they are not Hillary supporters until it comes to their personal plight of hunting, then they sound just like her supporters, thinking only of themselves. The part about "For Better or For Worse" is not understood when it comes to THEIR play time. Just my two cents. Family first, always. You can hunt later. Larry "Peace is that brief glorious moment in history, when everybody stands around reloading" -- Thomas Jefferson | |||
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I have to say I agree with Topgun. I told her I would not be available at all until I was done hunting. If there is time left when "I" am done, we can do other things. Happy wife happy life is complete bullshit. On that note, my Dad used to be stud duck in the house did pretty much what he wanted. Now he is an invalid and is totally dependent on my mother. He is kind of a complete pushover now, as he has to deal with her day in and day out. And she as you New Englanders would say is a "real piece of work". | |||
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I think you know what you need to do and that is to tell her there is "my time" and "your time" and "our time" along with the kids time. It's too bad that didn't happen 6 years ago because it will work just like it did for me and mine along with our two kids IF she is worth anything. If your short little man trips can't be dealt with on her part, then there are big problems ahead in your marriage if you want to continue doing what you enjoy, rather than just what she demands! Good luck and maybe you need to both see a counselor together! | |||
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No, it's not. And there will be a lot of minor indignities in a 30-year marriage. You don't have to strangle her cat, to get your point across... TomP Our country, right or wrong. When right, to be kept right, when wrong to be put right. Carl Schurz (1829 - 1906) | |||
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I am glad that there are some individuals that have the ability to be realistic concerning such issues. Even the rocks don't last forever. | |||
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And that right there says it all. Just remember, in the OP's situation. these are the formative years of his children's lives. He has ONE SHOT at being a Father to his children, he has multiple shots at not being there for his wife or children, that will come back and bite him in the ass. I have never Fathered any children, but I did kill a 17 year marriage to a really neat Lady, because I was more interested in what I wanted to do, than being a husband. Hopefully the person that started this discussion will be able to understand that regardless of every ones comments/ideas/opinions, putting family first is more important than putting ones self first. If not why get married? | |||
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Bravo! Beautifully said! | |||
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Gents, The bottom line is that you should compromise but not lose yourself. Neither should she. Yin and Yang or whatever you want to call it is important. Happy wife happy life, doesn't leave much room for the husband. One of her friends believes that she should be happy above all else. She actually spends a lot of time saying happy wife happy life like it gives her a license to be a bitch. I told her I wasn't married to a princess, but I loved her and would do anything for her. I am a disabled vet that has a lot of health problems, I have put off hunting for the majority of my life thanks to military deployments. I am done waiting on someone else to or some magical time in my life to hunt. What I went through in life put us in the financial spot that we are in today that we can afford to take vacations among other things. | |||
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Bottom line is that you need to do what you think is best for your situation. You asked for opinions and you got them. All of us related what WE have experienced. You decide what you believe is best for you. If it works, that is great, if it doesn't, maybe you can salvage the relationship in the long run. Even the rocks don't last forever. | |||
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Many good points made here. Bottom line - if your hunting time away makes you a better person to live with (as does mine), then mama will realize that a few days without you actually DOES make you a better father and husband. I know without my time in the forest or desert or mountains or on the lake I start to get a little crotchety (like some of these old curmudgeons on this site). I come back from a few days afield with a renewed perspective, ready to face this ugly world head on again. My wife recognizes that this kind of recharge helps me be a better person, father, husband, boss, and employee. I'm lucky that she also likes a little hunting and sometimes joins me. The kids are getting older and are now coming along. Hopefully BWW's will too in the years to come. _____________________ A successful man is one who earns more money than his wife can spend. | |||
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Let that soak in for just a minute. Even the rocks don't last forever. | |||
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[/QUOTE] You don't have to strangle her cat, to get your point across...[/QUOTE] Sometimes, I just skim a thread to get the gist of things being said. But when I do, I probably miss golden lines like this. I'm using it at some point. Not sure when, but I'm definitely using it. | |||
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I can't believe this is even a discussion. The friggin guy has taken them on one big vacation and another one is planned right after he gets back from ONE DAMN WEEK by himself. If that woman can't let him go for one lousy week after he's told us his life history then she is a self centered demanding wife that needs to be politely put in her place or this will get worse. Mark my words!!! | |||
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Yeah . . . I myself couldn't place my own personal pleasure above the well-being of my kids. Seems to me that if you have responsibility for kids, and all that implies, all else takes second place. But that's just me. | |||
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By all means, take the advice of the folks off this site. Just remember, if the wife decides she does not like the Hubby's decision, none of the folks on here will be paying the child support, nor will they care that you might have made a bad choice! Even the rocks don't last forever. | |||
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Like everyone, I have an opinion which I'll keep to myself. However, if one week hunting w/o the family circus ruins this marriage, it is doomed anyway. xxxxxxxxxx When considering US based operations of guides/outfitters, check and see if they are NRA members. If not, why support someone who doesn't support us? Consider spending your money elsewhere. NEVER, EVER book a hunt with BLAIR WORLDWIDE HUNTING or JEFF BLAIR. I have come to understand that in hunting, the goal is not the goal but the process. | |||
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Depends on the temperament of the kids. I have 5 kids ages 7 and under. They can be a real handful, especially if they are couped up in the house for more then a day or two. I can honestly say that I left for an entire week to go hunting, my wife would murder my face. Plus, I would have to deal with the general unpleasantness of a frustrated wife upon my return. I have had to make adjustments to how much time i'm away hunting. It has declined as the number of kids has gone up. "though the will of the majority is in all cases to prevail, that will to be rightful must be reasonable; that the minority possess their equal rights, which equal law must protect, and to violate would be oppression." ---Thomas Jefferson | |||
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This is one of the many reasons why I'm glad I never got married and/or had kids. I was once on a late season elk hunt in New Mexico. The guide, just making conversation, asked if I was married. I answered "It's 2 days before Christmas and I'm on a hunting trip, you figure it out." Then I asked "How about you?" His reply "It's 2 days before Christmas and I'm taking you on that hunting trip - you figure it out." No longer Bigasanelk | |||
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3 kids under 5? Whoah! I thought 2 young ones were tough. I am assuming, based on you pictures, that you got married later in life? I was single until I was 36. Got married and had our first child (boy) when I was 40, and my second (girl) when I was 45! I am now 49 and my wife, 42......... Hell, classmates of mine have kids that have graduated college! Have you tried to compromise? If your wife is with them all day/everyday, she probably needs a break. When I go on a hunt, my wife plans a girl trip. Right now, as I am typing this, she is gone with one of her girlfriends. They left Wednesday and are gone until Sunday. Fair is fair........I have a hunt planned here at the of August and am scheduled to be gone for 2 weeks. I do have to admit that when the kids were really young, it was hard and I hated it (her being gone). My kids are now 9 and 4 so it's a LITTLE better, but they still can be a challenge and test me to my limits. As far as some of the comments......man up, grow a pair, etc. Wonder how many of these guys are single and/or divorced! | |||
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Put me in the "Family First" camp. My kids are both really little (22 and 6 months old). I don't get to hunt as much as I used to, but it goes with the territory. To be honest, I'm not sure I'd even want to be gone for a week without my family. I'd miss them. | |||
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To each his own and I can see your comment as little as yours are. However, he IS putting family first for Christ's sake! Can't you people read? How many people take the wife and kids on two big vacations like this guy is doing in a matter of just a couple months?! If she's a teacher and can't take care of three kids for one damn week while the guy goes off to himself for ONE time I'd hate to see her in a classroom! The guy is not going to be able to hunt forever if he's disabled and that makes her even more of a greedy self centered person to want to hold him back for one stinking week! | |||
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I guess the point I was trying to convey didn't come out well enough. I think BWW is of the younger set where instant gratification is the norm. Yes, in a marriage 6 years is still instant. The pint is that it is a me versus her type of thing, if you married the right woman. It is an US thing. I have a good woman, thankfully. I found that the more I GAVE early in my marriage, the more I GET now. My wife just told me last week that she didn't think my old truck would get me to the antelope hunt, so she told me to buy a different one. It is things like that that I invested in early. But then again, here is the comments from BWW, so I don't think he will get it. She clearly doesn't matter, nor do the kids.
Larry "Peace is that brief glorious moment in history, when everybody stands around reloading" -- Thomas Jefferson | |||
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My, My, My... I would think your wife would welcome a week away from your sorry ass.  Mine does. Young children complicate the issue. Where are her parents? Most welcome a chance to have the grandkids around for a week. Good Luck! Rich | |||
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Great idea, especially when "she spends a lot of time saying happy wife happy life like it gives her a license to bitch." It'll go over like a fart in church. | |||
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Not on topic, but I and my wife have made many changes and sacrificed a foot loose world traveling life style for our kids, total of 3, now 17, 21, and 22. Was it worth it? HELL YEAH! Great kids, and we've enjoyed ALMOST every day of bringing them up. To not have a wife and kids, would be a damn poor life choice for me. Hunting elk before Christmas? Bah! Looking at your young children's faces as they open presents on Christmas Day......PRICELESS. The elk hunter above will never know what he has missed and, maybe for him, he made the right choice. As for me, I love mine, every second of everyday. xxxxxxxxxx When considering US based operations of guides/outfitters, check and see if they are NRA members. If not, why support someone who doesn't support us? Consider spending your money elsewhere. NEVER, EVER book a hunt with BLAIR WORLDWIDE HUNTING or JEFF BLAIR. I have come to understand that in hunting, the goal is not the goal but the process. | |||
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Really good response. Marriages, if they are to work out can not be one sided, I found that out. It took me 17 years to realize it and there were no kids involved. She was/is a neat lady and a lot better wife than I was a husband. Had I been just half as good to her as I have been to Lora, we would be celebrating our 46th. wedding anniversary. Lora and I will celebrate our 24th. on August 29th. I learned the hard way and even though things worked out for the best, there has to be give and take for a marriage to last. Even the rocks don't last forever. | |||
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Yep, and as far as what the OP has stated it looks like he's doing all the giving and the wife is doing all the taking! | |||
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Somehow with three kids under 5, I SERIOUSLY doubt it, especially since they probably live where HE wanted to with it being isolated and all. But then we only have one side of the story. Larry "Peace is that brief glorious moment in history, when everybody stands around reloading" -- Thomas Jefferson | |||
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I refuse to get into the middle of telling someone else how to run their life/marriage, but I had to smile a bit when I read through this thread the first time because of my own experience. It went something like this: My wife Ellen and I got married on a Sat. afternoon in northern NJ. I was a month short of 20 and she was 18. She had just started a new job and had only Sun. and Mon. off, so we went to a nice hotel in NY state for two nights of wedded bliss. With her blessing, I left with a friend on Tues. morning for a 4-day long deer hunt in the Adirondacks. That set the stage for the next 56 years and we are still happily living together. Over that time we raised three great kids who at one time early on were all in diapers at the same time, while both my wife and I worked hard to provide. My mom helped us quite a bit with the baby-sitting chores. Today, they are all in their 50s and successful in their endeavors. Not a one of them has ever had legal or drug/alcohol addiction problems. Ever since that first hunting trip, I have NEVER ONCE had to say, "Is it okay if I go hunting this weekend" -- or whatever. Ellen KNEW that hunting was MY hobby and enjoyment, and she actually came with me a few times after I asked her to go along and try it. BUT...I never ignored her or the kid's needs to get away, so to speak. From the time the kids could walk, we spent many weekends every summer camped at one of the lakes, usually somewhere in the White Mts. of northeast, AZ. We always owned some sort of boat. Then in the mid-1960s, I went on a DIY horseback deer/elk hunt in the San Juan mountains near Vallecito Lake, CO. The next summer, I carted the entire family to the lake for a week of R&R and fishing. That continued every year after that until we actually bought a lodge and moved there in 1975. During the summer and fall, I was often gone 10 days at a time either guiding horseback fishing or deer/elk hunting trips in the Weminuche Wilderness. Then some guy from CA offered us a lot of money for the lodge, so we sold it and had a family vote on what we would do next. The winner for the kids was a return to Phoenix. By that time, they were old enough to mostly get along on their own, so Ellen and I continued to camp and fish, and I continued to hunt whenever I wanted to hunt. However, I also created another enjoyable diversion for my working wife. We began spending a week or two every year in Mazatlan, Mex. where she enjoys merely kicking back on the beach all day and reading a good book, then going to a nice restaurant at night for dinner. Since 1991, we have owned time share weeks there and continue to use them to this day. One other thing I've alway done is allow her to have her own "space" too. If she wanted to fly back to NJ to visit family, I never questioned her. Likewise for any of her "girls night out," which actually were quite few. In the 70s, though, we both bowled a couple nights a week in separate leagues. I expect we will be together until one or the other goes under the grass.  For the OP, best advice I can offer is for you to do what YOU feel is the right thing. Tony Mandile - Author "How To Hunt Coues Deer" | |||
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You said it much better than I could but your post sounds like a script from my marriage. Especially the part about needing some middle ground. Several of the guys have posted about their need for personal time. That's fine as long as they understand that the wife also needs some personal time and space. Aim for the exit hole | |||
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Good point. Also, some men like to embellish on things instead of merely telling the truth. Over the years I have noticed that the marriages that actually last, things are more like a partnership than a dictatorship. Even the rocks don't last forever. | |||
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All of these problems and the contract BWW signed was only one page. Not ten or eleven. ________________________________________________ Maker of The Frankenstud Sling Keeper Proudly made in the USA Acepting all forms of payment | |||
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Ted, now that's funny! Larry "Peace is that brief glorious moment in history, when everybody stands around reloading" -- Thomas Jefferson | |||
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