The big pussy cat from the local zoo that had escaped and.....

... and went into hiding since there was rumours that BBTurtle was out with a rifle and a saucepan...

...looking for the main item for his famed dish...

when he stumbled upon 3 naked women in a pop-up tent

but Hillary, Donna, and Charity weren't interested in just any man, they wanted a WOman with power just like...

[ 05-09-2003, 05:20: Message edited by: Hobie ]

a supercharged, 480 volt, high performance, nyphomaniac, drag queen. So they immediatly got on the cell phone and called ..........

Rosie O'Doodle. She came on the run with a bottle of boiled...

cod liver oil, which they started to apply to their...

... victim BBTurtle (whom they had locked into a cellar when they saw his rifle and understood that he wanted to kill a little pussycat), and all this made BBTurtle remember the cellar-scene in Pulp Fiction, which gave him enough strenght to...

dig a escape tunnel. after two days and nights he surfaced and to his amazement he was--

suddenly warped to the end of the story.

[ 05-11-2003, 13:37: Message edited by: Dark Paladin ]

...... at least that was what he thought. But the effects of that cod liver oil were such that he was able to recover.
When he came to, he gathered up all of his gear; his gun, knife, pack ..........

mule named Matilda, and decided to head to the high country just east of Katmandu to search for an elusive wild ...

Snorker Beast. That mythical creature which had...

...teeth of a hippo, and antlers of a moose. This mighty beast weighs well over 6000 pounds, so he was happy to be using his most powerful rifle, a...

.... a Daisy Red Rider with a glass bedded, free floated stock, trigger job and bull barrel.
He took a deep breath, then stalked the beast into the bamboo thicket. As he reached the first bend in the narrow trail he looked and saw .........

the Snorker Beast nursing Ghengis with its 4000 lb Snorker Breasts. Little did he realize how sensitive they were or how quickly the Beast could turn violent. He sighed and smiled contently as Turtle took sure aim at the left...

nostril, for he knew this was the achilles heel for the great snorker beast.

He squeezed the trigger, and the Red Rider spewed fire and brimstone, the heavens parted, the earth shook, and great men everywhere cried in their sleep as the copper plated BB sped out of the muzzle nearly at the speed of light. (actually, I made this up, what really happened was the gun went "pfffffftttt", and the BB flew in a looping trajectory, hitting Matilda squarely in the ass, causing her to...

[ 05-12-2003, 20:08: Message edited by: Red Label ]

kick the snorker beast, which pulled back, yanking her teat out of the ever-hungry Genghis's mouth. Deprived of both his source of food and source of sexual satifaction, Genghis decided to

[ 05-12-2003, 20:24: Message edited by: Recono ]

satisfy his carnal urges with a crate full of feral cats. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Tonto and Lone Ranger were busy administering CPR on Matilda, while the great snorker beast...

[ 05-13-2003, 03:50: Message edited by: Red Label ]

was bent on destroying all of the bamboo forrest while in a wild rampage trying to get rid of the teeth imbedded in her breasts. All the wile conjuring up ways to get back at..

edit delete (darn, it was a good one, too)

R-WEST

[ 05-13-2003, 19:09: Message edited by: R-WEST ]

ways to get back at the person who started this whole sordid tale!

Due to lack of interest, the Snorkel Beast went back to his den and slept.

The End.

no, were sure now that it is the end

Sordid? You want sordid? Well, okay by me...

In times long past there was a man who actually found the end of the earth whilst looking for safe haven, peace and tranquility. It was near the Mekong River or one of it's tributaries, a land of wild terrain and few if any signs of humanity. The tiger's growl, the monkey's screech, and majestic moon rises over the distant mist shrouded mountains where his companions and frame of reference. He had eventually forgotten why he'd come to this land, but others hadn't, and their quest was.......

... to preserve the peace and tranquility forever, standing guard against any intruders that might find their ways into this sanctuary, and preventing their exploits by the most forceful means, such as...

Posting Harpies at the gate. After a great search, it was decided that Hillary Clinton and Betty Friedan would make the most fearsome pair, with Patrica Ireland in strategic reserve. Why, just the odor emmiting from their breath would...

[ 05-17-2003, 06:20: Message edited by: El Viejo ]

I thought we finally made it to the END. Guess not

Kill entire countries........
Paul B.

So with a breath of fresh air, a good dose of Listerine and a smile on his face, he skipped off to the woods to...............

Help Hillary scratch the itch in her throat. It wasn't that far back...

however that fact was of no great concern as Jesse Ventura and Hulk Hogan gathered their gear for their first hunting trip to Alaska in hope of........................

finding a new fishing lodge called Whitewater. Whitewater had just been...

...a recent topic that Jesse and Hulk had overheard while sipping some kickass beer and enjoying some just caught Copper River king salmon near Chitina; they had stopped at a baitshop and several strippers from "Good Time Charlies" near Soldotna had traveled to Chitina to start their own club, hoping to capitalize on the increasing popularity of native Alaskan king salmon (as opposed to the bland farmed product from South America)and the dumbass humans that spend incredible amounts of benjamins in the pursuit of said salmon. As always, the topic of conversation was how to make money, and as the beer and bullshit flowed, so did the ideas. Jesse and Hulk, originally planning to hunt spring grizzlies, now felt that building a fishing lodge and naming it Whitewater would be a fantastic way to "honor" slick willie and the tramp with the secondary objective of luring the most hated couple ever to occupy the white house to the wilds of Alaska with the thought that, although baiting of grizzlies is "against the law", what the hell, let's give it a try. And so, with the help of the girls and several audience members known to frequent the many bars and clubs in Anchorage, Jesse and Hulks plan began to take shape in the form of lipstick on napkins. The initial idea would begin with............

a new style entertainment with a poker bar in the front and a cat house in the back. with a big sign that says (POKER IN FRONT OR LIQUOR IN REAR). as they were thinking of what----

and several exotic labled cigars to get the strippers interested in them as they don't have any ides as how to fish anyway. So with the help of..

Three midgits, a loan shark, and the cast of Chicago, they leaped into this new venture.

Things were going great until The Dixie Chicks showed up for their new magazine cover photo shoot. Thinking quickly, Jesse...

......... reverted back to his character in the movie "Predator" and without a moments hesitation, push the button on his recently tuned GE mini gun; needless to say, what was left of the Ditsy Chimps was now a fair rendition of a painting by Renoir or possibly Picasso on a bad acid trip. Jesse, smiling broadly, finished his work of art by applying a mouthful of brown spit, courtesy of Levi Garrett (his favorite chew). Now, while all that wondrous electric staccato of the mini gun was drowning out the hearing of any person within 100 meters, Hulk steps outside and seeing the mural on the entire side of the building, congratulates Jesse on a job well done and slips on a small (really small) section of Natalie's medulla oblongata (or maybe a bit of cerebral cortex, it was really tough to be sure) and falls on his ass; now seated on the dirt, Hulk hollers out "bring me another beer and lets go fishing" - together Jesse and Hulk load up into their recently acquired Hummer (they got a real smoking deal from a buddy of Arnold) and headed for the Copper River to catch some kings and in a ceremonial gesture, flicked the ashes off their cigars into the mighty river and sang a verse of Willie and Waylon. As they neared the river, straining their eyes, not entirely believing what they saw ahead on the side of the dirt road other than ..................

Rolin Martin and Jimmy Huston sitting by a campfire with the remaning two Dixie Chimps. All of them naked as a jay bird singing campfire tunes and choking down some..

Nice one

Back To The Stove
Turtle