...navel, sending up a mini-cloud of lint accumulated over long years of camping trips and sleeping in cheap kapok-filled sleeping bags, that if she had it to do over again...

...would not have had the breast augmentation surgery, but would rather have spent the money on...

a full blown safari in.......
Paul B.

Jacko's Never Never Land....

..where all who enter are subject to a test of their..

R-WEST

status as a homo-sapien. The test involved sticking your head in a vat of boiling rancid...

Tundra Wookie spawn, which has been aged in oak barrels in a cave on the peninsula and guarded by a herd of wild .........

....sex midgets, who craves above all else...

creamy peanut butter to spread...

[ 05-01-2003, 05:17: Message edited by: El Viejo ]

in the crack of Tom Daschle's ass..

[ 05-01-2003, 05:52: Message edited by: DigitalDan ]

...while he is sleeping. Then they dump a bucket of fire ants in his bed and...

subject him to hours of hillary clintons ravings and

a tongue bath by Monica Lewinsky. After all this, Monica is required to douse herself in extra virgin olive oil and..

Move to Paris and perform a tango with two cigars in a dark closet with Jacque, and...

and a pygmy hippo.

meanwhile out on safari....

Things are heating up for Wally the professional hunter. Because his latest new client Hiram is ..........

... looking down the sights of his featherweight .577 T-Rex at a ...

huge rino thats only 6 feet away. as he starts to squeeeze the trigger--

He notices a very pungent odor. That's when he realizes.....

...a rabid skunk is sniffing his right leg and about to...

simultaneously mount him AND spray the Rhino. This is not a good scene. The great white hunter realizes his only option now is to..

spray the skunk with Tundra Wookie Spawn first, then mount the rhino himself. He is a man of no fear and.......

...has no shame face humping rhinoes. Time stood still as he dry humps the behemoth's face with unsurpassed skill. The rhino....

begins to think: "What did I ever do to deserve...

[ 05-04-2003, 07:11: Message edited by: El Viejo ]

"...being treated like an intern...I hope he doesn't light the cigar". While all this is unfolding for Hiram, Wally is.......

searching for his cigar cutter and thinking up a new and innovative solution to meeting the needs of these new found guests and their make love not war attitude towards rhinos...wait, he has something if he could just....

remember. Damn, it was getting more and more difficult with the passing years. The memory taunted him. A weekend on the Yellowstone or was it the Snake? A spring hatch in progress, trout rising readily, the whole image clear to him now. Sun about to drop below the ridge, a still cool afternoon, the stuff of Field & Stream articles. That was when the harmonizing feminine voices drifted over the water and he saw the movement of blond hair across the river; visions of....

visions of Saddam's Honeys, the Dixie Chicks, rhapsodising about Earl...

OH THE HORROR. The picturesque trout stream would now soon be overrun with other Hollywood do-gooders, extolling the virtues of themselves. He can see it now; Sean Penn all decked out in his Eddie Bauer neoprene waders, casting his...

... hook-less flies from PETA while telling everyone...

... how he used to use salmon eggs until he realized it made him a baby killer. So instead...

..since it's acceptable among the liberal H-Wood elite to kill baby humans, but not salmon, he visited the local Planned Parenthood abortion clinic to get some placenta extract. He was surprised to discover..

R-WEST

That Susan Serandon had scrounged the very last batch to bake in.......
Paul B.

a batch of brownies that she planned to sell at her up coming "Save Saddam-A-Thon", but soon she realized...

... that her Hollywood friends only liked hash brownies, so .........

she called her oldest and dearest friend g bush to see if he could gat a couple kilos from afganistan. but gw said--

You have reached GW Bush, I am sorry I can not take your call at present. Who are you kidding there is a damn war going on out here, you want to call me whinging about your girlie problems - hate to tell y'all but this aint the president you are used to, I dont smoke cigars and my interns have more stripes on their arms than pins in their hair. Want cooking tips? ring the French I hear humble pie makes a great feast. Bleep...

Susan replied "

some what taken aback, she decides to call her worst nightmare....

[ 05-06-2003, 14:33: Message edited by: John Y Cannuck ]

Charlton Heston.....

whose fingers are neither cold nor dead. With pure heart...

...and not so pure mind decided to take his trusty flintlock down from the gun rack and...

proceed to load it with a double charge of FFFg powder and nails, in order to make sure his first load would be sufficient to take out...

...Sarandon, Penn and "if bush is elected I'll leave the country Baldwin". After the first shot he saw that he needed...

his chariot, shield and.........

.... a mop, and a five gallon bucket of liberal cleanser to get that disgusting mess off of his ..........

..mind. While happily cleaning, he looked out the window and saw..

R-WEST

the future of this particular chapter of The Never Ending Story, AND he saw that it was good.

But it reminded him of a story heard once in Key West, a tale about the delightful and talented Ms. Murry and an unnatural act she performed with a can of......

fermented sardines...they didn't call her "Seafood Sally" for nothing. Why she could...

[ 05-08-2003, 05:00: Message edited by: Red Label ]

create a chum line just by going swimming. The trouble is...

she washed and rinsed and scrubbed like hell, but she couldn't get rid of that fishy smell! She was highly sought after by..