Let's see who's up for this. A very dear friend of mine passed away in April. He was in the U S Navy in WWII, and collected a lot of colorful phrases. I think they ought to be preserved, and I'll bet a lot of AR members can contribute good ones, too. I'll start. Here goes.

Regarding the clap: "I've never had it and I never want it again!"

Who's next?

Is 'drop your ____ & grab your socks' one of those expressions? As a young fire fighter with the USFS;, I heard that when they kicked up out of our paper sleeping bags. r in s.

Boy you stand out like a rat turd in a sugar bowl.

Queeny

Hey Ray, it looks fine to me. Here's one:

"It gets so hard a cat couldn't scratch it."

Not sure what he's talking about, but it's kinda' descriptive.

smelled so bad it had a chain hanging out of it.

ain't worth the salt in his grits

that don't amount to a fart in a whirl wind.

quote:

Originally posted by els:
that don't amount to a fart in a whirl wind.

Happyer than a fart in a whirl wind.

Saw some coons yesturday.

I think this is a country rendition of the silver spoon thing:

"Shot in the ass with gold nuggets."

"Where did all these fuckin people come from!"

"Uglier than a tree full of owls".
Pete

If it wasn't for P ssy there be a bounty on them

True story here lads concerning the term "The whole nine yards".Our B-17 bombers had a side gunner with a belt fed Browning that had a belt 27'long.When he gave the BF Me 109's his entire payload,he gave them the whole nine yards.

"He ain't worth a pint of cold piss." has always been one of my favorites.

In reference to someone who is exceptionally useless or stupid " the best part of him ran down his mamas leg."

To a real dumbass, " Did your folks have any kids that lived?"

I'd like to buy him for what he's worth, and sell him for what he thinks he's worth.

"I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here".

"Where were you when the fit hit the Shan"?

"Thank god and Grayhound she's gone".
Pete

Gidday Guys,

"He's as much use as a c--nt ful of cold water"

"If brains we dynamite it wouldn't part his hair"

"You were supposed to be a stain on the sheets"

"He's as cunning as a Maori dog"

"Your bowel is twisted and you are talking shit"

Happy Hunting

Hamish

If I'd known how that boy was gonna turn out I'd a jacked-off in an ant bed.

His daddy jerked off on a rock and the sun hatched him.

I'm busier than a cat covering poop on a marble floor.

grinnin like a skunk eatin shit out of a hair brush

Fuck'em feed em fish!

harder than a preacher's pecker

colder than a whore's heart

nervous as a whore in church

nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rockin chairs

"it's rainin like a cow pissin on a flat rock!!"

"So cheap he wouldn't give a nickel to see a piss ant eat a bale of hay"

"so cheap he wouldn't give a nickel to see a gnat's ass stretched over a washin' tub"

"he ain't worth a red piss"

How are west Virginia women and bear cubs alike? They both suck their paws....

so ugly his mama use to sit him in the corner and feed him with a slingshot

said to somebody who is cold and shivering

"yer shakin like a dog shittin peach pits!"

Don't piss on my back and twll me it's rainin'.
Paul B.

Hornier than a two peckered billy goat.

My father in law used to say about a stuck bolt etc..... "tighter than an old nun"

the chef

Or "useless as tits on a nun".Or as one of my elderly amigos is inclined to say,concerning tail,"boys,at my age,I'd rather be promised than offered."

Said when you see a very attractive girl/lady.

I'd walk over half a mile of broken glass just to listen to her piss in a jam tin.

another for a good looking babe that we use to say in the army

"i'd crawl five miles through a barbwire minefield just to hear her fart over the radio"

Im gonna' slap you so hard , you'll starve to death bouncin'

i'm going to hit you so hard, your children will be retarded

"Colder than a brass comode in the yukon."

"Useless as tits on a boar hog."

"Hotter than a fresh f____ed pussy in a pepper patch"

Man that stinks so bad it would back a buzzard off a gut wagon

She is so ugly they had to tie a piece of bacon around her ankle so the dog would play with her

"She's so ugly she has to sneak up on the dipper to get a drink"

"Sweatin' like a faggot eating a hot dog"

said about a large woman walking away from you

"that woman's a$$ looks like two coons fightin in a towsack"

"Shaking like a queer eating a hot dog"

her ass is so wide , she beeps when she backs up

"That's as pretty as a diamond in a goat's ass!"

"I'm gonna hit you so hard on top of your head it will bust the skin on your ass."

"She ain't ugly, she's rernt." (Southern for ruined)

"You're about as much help as a sore peter."

OK, we might be getting a little out of the forties.

"He's queer as a three dollar bill!" is one of the homophobic but undeniably funny ones I remember from my ill-companied youth.

I also like and remember "That sumbitch is slickern' owl shit." for some impenetrable reason or other.

In answer to "What's for dinner?" in certain quarters I used to get, "Two pickled assholes fried in snot, and two green boogers tied in a knot."

Well, you asked.

Another one for "what's for dinner"

Shit on toast and Snakes bum on bickies (biscuits)

He's so tight you couldn't pull a needle out of his ass with a tractor.

2 of my favs:
"Slicker then snot on a door knob"

"He's so tight, his ass squeeks when he walks"

That engine is so weak it wouldn't pull a greased string out of a cats ass.

he's so tight, if he stepped over a penny his butt would snap at it.

if brains were gas he wouldn't have enough to run a piss ants motorcycle around a BB.

Mad Dog

she's so skinny she has to jump around in the shower to get wet

she's so fat that before God said "let there be light" he had to say "woman, would you PLEASE get out of the way!!"