Ladies and Gentlemen,

As you all know, I have this difficulty understanding things Walter does.

And when I ask him why he does them, he comes back says " ...just because"

When I say "just because what?"

He says "you will never understand!

Which is very true, and I am the first one to admit my intelligence is nowhere near understanding Walter.

I am going to tell you something that happened to us in Tanzania a couple of years go, and as not a single one of us on that hunt could come up with a logical explanation, we thought we would ask you to help us.

Walter will be the judge, and whoever comes up with what Walter thinks is the right explanation, will get a copy of the book THE HUNTING BLACKBEARDS OF BOTSWANA.


I will tell you what happened, but first may be an explanation.

In the bush in Tanzania, cell phones don't work.
So what I do is as soon as we arrive in Dar, I usually call my family and tell them we have arrived, and switch the phone off. It goes into my rifles case with my passport and air tickets, and remains there until the day I pack the rifles the day we leave.

I put the phone on again when we get back to Dar.

One morning, we were out hunting. I was sitting in the front with Roy. Walter being in the back of the truck, I like to keep an eye of what is going on. As one is never sure of what he might do.

I could see that Walter was looking for something, so I said to Roy "I think Walter has lost something"

Roy "What now? That man would loose his head if it wasn't attached to his neck"

Me "Can you stop and ask?"

Roy duly stopped the truck, and started talking to them in the back. I could not understand anything, except the word "SIM CARD".

Me "What is going on? I heard a sim card"

Roy "Walter lost his sim card"
Me "What sim card"
Roy "I don't know. You better ask Walter"

I asked Walter "What have you lost now?"
Walter "Mind your own business"
Me "What sim card did you loose?"
Walter "Mind your own business! It was my sim card"

"What are you doing with a sim card in the middle of the bush?"
Walter "I keep telling you, mind your own business. It was MY sim card"

Me "Where is the phone?"
Walter "In the camp! I know what is going to happen now. You will keep asking more silly questions"

By this time, I could not stop laughing, as I knew we are in the middle of one of Walter's classics!

Roy "Did you take the sim card from the phone yourself?"

Walter "Of course I did! Did you expect the sim card to jump out of the phone by itself?"

Me "Why would you want to take the sim card out of the phone, and bring it with you here?"

Walter "I TOLD you I don't KNOW! I just did"

There you have it.

Closing date is Thursday 15th.

Walter exercising in preparation for his next safari!

Simply a case of Walter's antiassimulation for dissimilar behavior regarding a facsimile of Saeed's cell simulator left in camp.

Any simpleminded person with a similarity in behavior would understand simply speaking why Walter with prestissimo action would pessimistically wish Saeed to get a misimpression of Walter's oversimplified dissimulation.

Plumbing the mind of Walter is, thankfully, something I know I'm not qualified to do.

On my calendars the 15th is on Friday...

Walter mistook the sim card for his memory card for a camera of his, thus it being with him on the hunt.. But then again, who knows!

Saeed,
Did you mistakenly allow Walter to watch “The Gods Must Be Crazy”?
If you did, he would understand the cell phone, if found in camp could cause incredible stress among the staff. This would result in someone being selected to undertake a harrowing journey to throw his phone “off the edge of the earth”, restoring harmony within the camp. Unfortunately the sim card along with all its contact information would be forever lost. And Walter, unable to ever recreate the lost information would forever be without a functioning cell phone. The only logical course of action was to remove the sim card thereby safeguarding this priceless information. His plan was working fine until he pulled it out of his pocket to check that it was safe, at the same time you hit that bump.....

Walter was curious to see if the sim card could serve as a back up for the camera as his logic would have it that since you can store photos on your cellphone surely you could use the sim card in the camera, he was going to do it at camp but slipping off on his own would create suspision as to what he was up to and did not want any of the questions that would follow(or he didnt have time to try it in camp), he then schemed that he could do it in the back of the hunting vehicle while driving around and test his scheme

Walter was merely practicing a preventive practical joke on himself.
Who better to further disable his nonfunctional-in-the-bush cellphone than himself?
One less thing to worry about with all the practical jokers in camp possibly conniving to play a dirty trick with his cell phone sim card.
I am guessing he was just "ad libbing" for a future comedy routine, but forgot the punch line.
Don't try too hard to understand that, Walter's thought proccesses are not normal, as you well know.

Walter: "Hmmm. If I swipe my own sim card, I might be able to get some laughs out of that somehow ...
... try to install it in the fart machine for personalized sound effects joke, blame the theft on unknown practical joker ...
... oh well, gotta get on the truck, and think of some foolishness while bumping along all day bored out of my mind.
What I won't do to give ar.com's ringleader a laugh!"

Then he forgot where he put it, and blew his cover when he was caught searching for it in the back of the bakkie.
The truth will hurt so much that Walter won't admit that this is what happened.
He is paranoid. But it is not delusional.
He fears his own general ineptitude. That is not insanity. That is reality.

You will never get the "truth" out of Walter, until he has thought up a punchline for his joke,
or gotten someone else to do it for him via this thread.

I hope it is a good one when he finally figures it out.

He just didn´t waqnt anyone using his NON functional cell phone while he was hunting so he decided to double secure this by taking away his sim card.
" this will teach them not to play with my phone while I am hunting. Ha HA."
" oppps i did it again. Let´s hope Saaed doesn´t start with his Stupid questions once again"

Saeed

What you don't know is that Walter is an international spy
He uses his antics and answers to lure people into thinking that he is not that smart. With the answers that he gives, he does not have to explain his actions to anyone and can keep fishing for information.
As for the sim card, it will have all of his contact info on it (girlfriends and phone sex #'s) that he wants no one to be able to link to him.
Be careful as he is a very dangerous man in more ways than one.

James

When on safari , it is common to see people wearing safari shirts and vests with untold number of pockets of various sizes and shapes. Walter must have a vest with this "excessive pocket disease".

after putting on his vest in the morning and filling the usual pockets with an eyeglass case, hankerchief, a couple of cartridges, a cigar, a bottle of barbecue sauce, a fart machine, extra batteries for the fart machine, he noticed a small pocket that he had not seen before. after thinking as to what in the world that pocket was for, Walter began to look around the tent, looking for the item that the pocket was made for. He had finally decided that the pocket must be for extra buttons for the other pockets, in case they should fall off during the hunt. He did not have any extra buttons so he began tearing off buttons from his pants, shirts etc..

After 15 minutes of this, he remembered the sim card. it fit perfectly inside the little pocket! a much better fit than all these buttons.

Happily, he made his way to the safari truck, with his buttonless pants around his ankles.

He was in good spirits all morning until he realized that the sim card was missing and so was the button on the little pocket.

Saeed,
I am suprised that after all this time you do not understand Walter. His logic is steady and his behaviour is dedicated to your best interests. He realizes that you have not been succesful of late while hunting for lions. He was hoping that if he took his sim card (short for simba) out with you he could coax some goodwill from the lion gods. With the simba card in hand, you would shoot your lion, everyone one would think you are a great hunter, there would be joy in camp, and Walter would have the personal satisfaction of knowing it was truly him that brought the hunt to a succesful conclusion.

what a challenge!!!!
trying to delve into "the" twisted mind and
reach any conclusion to the intricate inner working of the infamous WALTER...
after a couple years of reading walter tales
i think maybe he is dyslexic
after all he seems to do everything backwards of everyone else.
that said walter read sim backwards and took it to mean "WIS"
short for "will i survive" another glorious adventure deep in the african bush?
not knowing the answer he secreted his phone info on his person so when they found his body there would be contact info.
well known fact that these cards do not digest well thru large toothy critters.
in a "backward" manner
the man is simply brillant !!!!!

I think Walter did not want any foolish people messing with his phone so he took the sim card with him. That is the first explanation, the second one is that the sim card is the brains of the phone. Walter might have stuck the sim card where the sun don't shine to become smarter, when they hit a bump the sim card came back out and Walter realised that the card did not make him any smarter!

Walter is alot like myself in the fact that with a cell phone storing all your phone numbers, one never can remember them. AS the phone was not working at camp, taking the sim card with you, would allow you to put it in someone elses phone at another location where there was service. That way, you would have all the phone numbers you needed. You could touch base with anyone you needed to and it would not be a struggle to find a phone number. Brilliant idea, as long as you keep the card.

The somewhat twisted ridiculously logical answer is that Walter simply felt it best to be prepared for any situation ... and I mean ANY possible situation. After all, you never know when a sim card will come in handy.

There is no doubt in my mind that that is exactly why Walter took it.

The reason he didn't explain it to you is because you would continue to ask him stupid qusetions like, "Walter, please tell me what situation would require the use of a sim card out here in the bush?"

Walters only reply could be, "If I knew the situation, we could prevent it, but I do not know the exact situation, so it is best to be prepared for it."

Walter is a genius, and I doubt you can comprehend the mind of Walter and it's intricate workings.

quote:

Originally posted by Grafton:
When on safari , it is common to see people wearing safari shirts and vests with untold number of pockets of various sizes and shapes. Walter must have a vest with this "excessive pocket disease".

after putting on his vest in the morning and filling the usual pockets with an eyeglass case, hankerchief, a couple of cartridges, a cigar, a bottle of barbecue sauce, a fart machine, extra batteries for the fart machine, he noticed a small pocket that he had not seen before. after thinking as to what in the world that pocket was for, Walter began to look around the tent, looking for the item that the pocket was made for. He had finally decided that the pocket must be for extra buttons for the other pockets, in case they should fall off during the hunt. He did not have any extra buttons so he began tearing off buttons from his pants, shirts etc..

After 15 minutes of this, he remembered the sim card. it fit perfectly inside the little pocket! a much better fit than all these buttons.

Happily, he made his way to the safari truck, with his buttonless pants around his ankles.

He was in good spirits all morning until he realized that the sim card was missing and so was the button on the little pocket.

If I had a vote, which I don't, you would get it

quote:

Originally posted by Frostbit:
Simply a case of Walter's antiassimulation for dissimilar behavior regarding a facsimile of Saeed's cell simulator left in camp.

Any simpleminded person with a similarity in behavior would understand simply speaking why Walter with prestissimo action would pessimistically wish Saeed to get a misimpression of Walter's oversimplified dissimulation.

This is pretty cute, original, and a lot of work. You should win, if I was da judge!

I must know if he found the damn thing.

Walter wanted the card to try to reboot his brain when overcome by confusion and frustration. Seems logical enough.

Walter had smuggled the newest, beta model of Blaser R93 into Tanzania.

The R93 Iridium.

The bolt is also a satellite phone.

The Germans are mad geniuses of engineering, and Walter's heart pumps, and his veins pulsate, with pure Prussian hemoglobin.

Because of your unreasoning prejudice against Blasers, Walter didn't want you to know about his satellite rifle phone.

So, he played dumb.

He is very, very good at doing that.

Walter made regular calls from deep in the bush to Blaser headquarters in Isny im Allgäu, and proved scientifically that the R93 Iridium is a minute-of-geosynchronous-satellite rifle phone.

Meine Damen und Herren.

The Blaser R93 Iridium.

Coming soon to a gunshop near you.

Thanks to Walter.

Jawohl!

This is hilarious!

quote:

Originally posted by Will:

quote:

Originally posted by Frostbit:
Simply a case of Walter's antiassimulation for dissimilar behavior regarding a facsimile of Saeed's cell simulator left in camp.

Any simpleminded person with a similarity in behavior would understand simply speaking why Walter with prestissimo action would pessimistically wish Saeed to get a misimpression of Walter's oversimplified dissimulation.

This is pretty cute, original, and a lot of work. You should win, if I was da judge!

Thanks!! I almost went with the Forrest Gump version....... Simple is as Simple does.

He did it because..........

Ah you guys will never understand.

Walter's paranoia of being victimized had the best of him.

Believing tha the was due for a retailiatory attack from the group, he felt his cellphone contacts would a vulnerable target to any practical joker! So he thought best to protect his sim card using the rationale that a cell phone is easily replaceable but a sim card with personal contacts is not!

In hindsight, I bet he wishes he wasn't paranoid.

I think this somehow has to relate back to the extended periods of time that Walter often has to sit in the hunting truck while Saeed, Roy and Alan are out chasing buffalo around.

For someone who thinks like Walter, having excessive time to ponder life and one's environment is not necessarily a good thing.

There is no doubt that the SIM card was carried along for some nefarious purpose. Only someone with an imagination like Walter's, the time to inventory the contents of a safari truck and hours under a hot sun to warp his already "unique" perspective, would be able to surmise what exactly he was up to.

Perhaps he had gutted his own cell phone, in addition to removing the international SIM card, and was preparing to wire it to his fart machine remote control so that he could activate it in any country that has cell coverage, at any time, with a phone call?

The possibilities are endless, really. To know what Walter is capable of, one would have to be able to think like a Walter. As far as I am aware, no-one else is capable of it!

Cheers
Canuck

I am sure you are all aware of CALL FORWARDING.

Walter has a habit of forwarding his home phone to his cell phone. So whenever anyone calls his home, his cell phone rings.

This works great when he is out of the house.

Trouble is, he comes back home, and switches his cell phone off, and put it on the charger.

He then uses his home phone to call me on my cell phone. If for any reason I cannot answer him immediately, I see who is calling, and then call back.

I see his home number, and I call it. It tells me it is switched off!

Hours later, he calls, and complains that I never return his calls.

When I tell him his phone was switched off, he starts screaming and swearing, saying that his home phone has been on all the time.

He conveniently forgets that he had transferred it to his cell phone.

The explanation is simple.

Walter, being a man of great vision and wisdom, knows that the African bush is a dangerous and unpredictable place. Although Walter always does his best to protect his friend Saeed, he often finds that Saeed is too obstinate to follow his directions. At times Saeed has even followed dangerous animals and placed his life in peril while ignoring Walter's protests.

Because he feels that he has a responsibility to look after Saeed, Walter always keeps some mode of communication open with the outside world. With cell phone service being nonexistat in the bush, Walter leaves his cell phone in camp and only carries the SIM card. In the event that something unforeseen should happen to Saeed requiring that he be evacuated to Dar, Walter, always loyal to a fault, will stay at his friend's side.

In the event of an emergency there would be no time to travel to camp to collect personal items. But because Walter has had the foresight to carry his SIM card he can borrow a cell phone, slip in his SIM, and be in contact with the UAE in minutes.

If it were not for Walter's preparedness, Saeed would be stuck in a hospital bed in Dar for days while they tried to reach the outside world on Tanzania's antiquated phone system.



Saeed should be thanking Walter for taking looking out for him instead of poking fun of him on the internet.

Saeed,
Please withdraw me from the competition.
I already have a copy of The Hunting Blackbeards of Botswana edited by Brian Marsh.
I picked it up at the Rowland Ward booth at the NRA convention in Louisville last year.
Even though I have pegged Walter's thought process, or lack thereof, precisely, and everyone else is just bullwhiffing, I cannot accept the prize.

Thanks for reminding me of the book I forgot to read. Botswana is my second home.
Please do not take Walter there.
Botswana deserves better than Walter.

Best Regards,
Rip

Walter is the judge, huh.

There are several logical explanations that are not mutually exclusive.

First, the sim card is a valuable part of the cell phone. The theft of such a piece of property could be very expensive, especially given the fact that the theft would not likely be discovered until well after the end of the hunt. And perish the thought of a practical joker getting a hold of one's sim card and racking up calls feigning cries of help to places like UAE mental health facilities or communicable disease centers that could be traced back to the owner of the card by concerned health officials.

Second, the card has a somewhat reflective surface, and can certainly be polished to a reflective surface. When one is out in the bush with a crew that has proven to Walter, time after time, that they are prone to errant shots and getting lost, the card could be used as a reflective signaling device to summon search and rescue teams to the location.

Third, everyone knows that all you need to stay in touch with the mother ship is a sim card. Those dispatched to Earth to monitor human activity are already equipped with transmission and reception capabilities, and a sim card drive. All one has to do to transmit thoughts to the mother ship or to receive direction from her is to place the card into the drive port. The drive access is carefully concealed in a bodily orifice that would be the last place anyone would search. Of course, the user must take precautions regarding their diet, as food that creates a methane buildup in the user's system may cause an unintended discharge of the sim card from its drive socket.

Fourth, and finally, it is futile to offer any explanation to those of lesser intellectual capabilities, since the explanation would require arduous and time consuming reasoning that would likely not be understood by those below the super genius level.

Saeed,
If Walter cannot remember what the heck he was doing with a loose cell phone sim card on safari, surely one or more of Jim's carefully diplomatic explanations should allow him to save face.
Please instruct Walter in the eenie-meenie-minie-mo technique of multiple choice answer selection.

quote:

Originally posted by Jim Manion:
Walter is the judge, huh.

There are several logical explanations that are not mutually exclusive.

.

Logical?? I thought this was about Walter??

he wanted to see if the sim card got any better reception away from the cell phone in the bush.

It is a simple case of repeated brain farts.

It's a Walter thing...no further explaination needed

Saeed,
I think you might have to waterboard Walter to get an answer.
Do not let him do eeenie-meenie-minie-mo on the answers from this thread.
He won't remember them even if he has already seen them.
You will have to be the judge in comparing Walter's waterboard answer to those submitted thus far.
Remember, I am withdrawn from the contest.
All I want to see out of this is the truth!
Waterboard Walter!

I added the following link to my post above, then Walter comes up with one of his funny comments.

"You better add it to the bottom too. You know how they say. You don't look up the chimny when you poke the fire, ha ha ha ha"

Me "You think that is relevant here?"
Walter "Of course it is, and funny too. But as you do not have much sense of humor you will not understand. Just put it there and don't argue. I am in charge of this contest"

Walter exercising in preparation for his next safari!

Saeed,
Walterboarding?
Almost as good as Michael Jackson moonwalking.
That is just so cute I could puke!
I see I am getting nowhere with the interrogation tips.
May 15 will not come too soon.

Sometimes ago, he came into our gymnasium while I was exercising, and my daughter was there playing.

We had a stationary bicycle, and Walter got onto it and started pedalling.

A couple of minutes later het got off, and started disassembling the bike!

Even my little daughter stopped playing, and just sat down and kept looking at what "uncle Walter" is doing.

I regret that I got so carried away with what he was doing, that I did not get a camera.

What he did was classic Walter.

The seat of the bike sits lower than the handlebar.

Walter swapped them around.

He put the seat where the handle bar is, and the handle bar where the seat was.

He then raised both to the highest level they would go.

Next he climbed onto the seat - by now his backside is higher then the handle bar, and could not reach the pedals.

I don't really know what he did next, but suddenly he fell down head first!

He was screaming, I was laughing so much tears were coming out of my eyes.

As a college professor and a psychologist, I have two requests:
1. Send Walter to the states so that I may use him as an example in my Abnormal Psychology class.
2. NEVER send Walter to me for therapy!
Max

Walter:

"I took the sim card out of the phone so no one would be able to use it back at camp. I'm not paying for their foolish calls! Besides, it is much easier to just carry the sim card. So I saved myself of carrying the whole phone and protected myself against it being used inappropriately. As usual I am being punished and laughed at for being clever."