Jeez but I wish the bloody Americans hadn't invented their own bastardised version of gallons etc and hadn't developed such a sweet tooth.

I've just spent half the fuckin' afternoon of my 54th birthday making lime & orange marmalade and it didn't even occur to me to use US quarts of water instead of imperial quarts or that the Yanks like sweet marmalade. I'm British by birth & English by the grace of God...... for God's sake. We use Imperial gallons, proper quarts and like our marmalade to bite back!

The end result is I've ended up with umpteen jars of lime & orange flavoured toffee that I can't even get out of the damn jars!!!

Go on, laugh you bastards!!!!!!

package it label it sent it to me!!!! Use poor American know what good food is. Thats why we kicked the dam brits out and brought in good Swiss, Swedish and French cooks along with Africans so we would have to worlds best Bar B que you would figure after all those years walking around the planet you would learn how to measure when your cooking!!!!!!!!!!!
by the way happy birth day you freaking wanker wish I was there to spanky you with a hammmer

I promise I'm not laughing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not I'm rolling in the floor in histerics and everyone in the coffee shop think I'm crazy!!!!!!

this is a birthday greeting for you buddy

Mate, it's gone so hard it's fuckin' bulletproof...... there's no way on God's earth anyone is ever gonna get any out of the damn jars!



Thanks for your best wishes and I'll be raising a glass to absent friends tonight and hope that you'll do likewise!

And by the way is it our fault you can't cook??????????? your cooking and it's someone else's fault when did you become a democrate??????

i will drink one or 12 to you my friend. not to get personal but are you going to get some birthday nooky

Let's hope so!

maybe she will give you some sympathy nooky.

One thing she won't be giving me is praise for my marmalade!!

so your not using it like whip cream and licking it off then tender parts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

save it we'll use it for bush pig bait

quote:

Originally posted by ddrhook:
save it we'll use it for bush pig bait

We could club them to death with it!

good idea shove some sticks in it we'll sell it as rungu's

Won't shove anything into it my friend.... it literally is as hard as cement..... I'm gonna have to throw the jars into the trash along with the toffee!

dam, Holmer I thought you knew how to cook???????????? boil it till it's soft enough to get out of the jars save the jars and then leave the cooking to Susan. That way she can get unchained from the PC your a freaking slave driver

P'raps I could rename it marmacrete?

make marbles out of it. Then you could play in the dirt and not get put in the nut house

IDEA!!!!! IDEA!!!! IDEA!!! will booze sofen it???????? it sofened your brain. I know thats true Susan said it was so it has to be

OOOOOOOPPPPPPSS she corrected me it was not your brain that went soft it was something else

Heat it up mix it with bourbon or alcohol of choice. I just prefer bourbon. It makes a great baste for pork.

heat it up, drop it in a barrel, and drop in som cuvee yeast!

yeep it would make a great glaze for a porker slow cooked/smoked over to good mahogany. speeking of that the mahogany we get in eastern africa and great flavor to meat

I managed to nuke it out of the jars and have just now finished a second, improved batch with 30% less water and 50% less sugar and it's now cooling...... certainly looks and smells a lot better than the marmacrete.

I have kept some of first batch and will try using it as suggested for pork....... thanks for idea!

Trust me when I say it will work good. I know a thing or two about overcooking and or screwing up the ratios on marmalde. Instead of a nice orange it did indeed look like toffee. Couldnt eat it on toast but nuked and mixed with liberal amounts of bourban it did several pigs on the spit.

Mike,

You're right it went helluva nice on pork!!

I've also frozen the rest for future use.

Oh and I cut back on the sugar and water on the second batch and that also is bloody nice!

Cut back on the Dam single Malt while your cooking might help tooooooooo that stuff screws up your judgement

Don't be silly. Cut back on the malt.... whatever next!

They don't call it the water of life for nothing you know!

Truth be told, I haven't had a whisky for bloody ages. I've got so many damn limes at the moment, I feel honour bound to drink gin and tonic or vodka martini etc that I can put lime juice cubes in.

NO NO say it an't so have you lost your freaking mind man NO single malt!!!! some on call a doctor quick a the man is sick

I've gotta say, I quite enjoy a dry vodka martini or even a tequila occasionally. They don't have the subtleties of a good malt whisky but they make a pleasant change.

I'm not a great fan of G&T though.

vodka makes me want to breed large boned hairy women and tequilla make me want to fight or
f$%#k some one and I don't care who. used to do both to my exwife at the same time !!! she hated tequilla

I always used to hate tequila but it was because I didn't know how to mix it etc..... then I shared a camp with some hunters and the wife of one of them mixed me a proper margarita.... and it suddenly became very drinkable like that.

Reckon I owe that nice lady a vote of thanks!

I hope these two previous posts don't mean that the two of you were drinking margaritas out in the Ugandan bush!