I was sitting in the Joburg airport. Our plane was getting ready to board so ,I headed over to the gate. When I arrive there, I notice a large gentleman. (375 to 400 lbs) I'm thinking some poor bastard is going to have to sit next to him for 16 hrs. ( I bet by now you know where this is going) I walk on the plane and guess who's sitting in 31B? I'm in 31C. Worst plane ride home ever. He actually took up half of my seat as well as his.

I share your pain (almost). On my 2001 hunt, I was flying SAA 747 out of Atlanta and I picked, as I always do when flying economy (something I'll never do again on flights of that length!) the tail and the aisle seat. This one had just one seat next to me. As the plane filled up, I always wish for some babe to sit next to me but alas that never happens. All of a sudden, the cabin seemed to darken and lumbering down the aisle I see what looked like the planet earth in a black getup coming down. Oh please GOD, not here. Nope, turns out the fatass was a preacher woman, very nice and apologetic about her GIRTH, and personally I like fat chicks, but when their fat spills over the arm rest like a Tsunami of lard, well, that's a bit much. So I rang for the Stewardess (yes I refuse to call them "flight attendants") and told her to either find me a new seat or refund half my airfare beacause I only had HALF a seat.

Fortunately a very nice couple overheard my pight and since they travel the route a lot, they always purchase three seats across and they let me have their aile seat! There should be limits to these people and seating and if they exceed it, then they should be made to buy two seats.

quote:

There should be limits to these people and seating and if they exceed it, then they should be made to buy two seats.

Amen!


.

I also object to "gravitationally challenged" passengers taking up a seat-and-a-half. But the initial problem is that of airlines only providing two-thirds of a seat to begin with!

Mine was a passenger from Botswana with the worst body odor I have ever encountered. I laughed when I read about Jorge's tsunami of lard but I would fight that vs. the BO smell! You can't hold your nose for 16 hours and I never acclimated to the smell! I think my nose hairs were singed.

I also had an experience where I sat next to a very large lady on a trip back from London to Dulles. She was very apologetic about her size and was overall a very nice lady. However, I could not even move in my window seat (she had the aisle), so feeling like a canned ham, I just went to sleep. It must have been like being back in the womb because I did not even stir until we touched down at Dulles. I would not choose to do this again, but overall, it could have been a lot worse!
Mangwana

jorge: I too, have had "the experience". I sat next to a gentleman for the ride back to the states from Joburg that weighed well over 400 pounds. Not only was it nearly impossible for me to move, but his "butt juice" smell was ultra-nauseating. To top it off, we had two screaming babies on that ride as well.

My last ride back from Joburg was next to a smoking hot college girl (100lbs. maybe) who had spent a couple of weeks improving the lives of kids in rural Zambia. Oh yeah, and our third person never showed, so we split the extra space. She was damn cool and a sight for sore eyes after a couple weeks in the bush.

My buddy sat across the aisle next to a 250+ plus monster of a woman. He sat there staring at me for hours flirting away, amusing myself and then suggested we switch seats halfway - I asked the girl in front of him, and she leaned against me and told him things were just fine as they were. I wish I had a picture of his face at that moment ....

I know how you feel!!!! fortunately the bad ride I had was on the way over so I was still juiced up with anticipation and excitement,, but the tub of lard woman that sat next to me with the horrible odor and stinch of filth with robes from head to toe also was covered in fleas!!! I picked fleas of me all the way over and in Senegal I was wanting to borrow the bug spray and give her an extra dose when they fumigated us at the refueling stop....I never thought I might catch a bug born disease before i got to the bush!!!Fortunately I had pretreated my clothes so the most bites were on my arms and not under my clothes...

I think I will continue travelling First Class!

Well Bwanamrm, I will not have LAP (lard ass problems) at the front of the plane on our Moz trip, keeping my fingers crossed that you dont have a bad experience at the back of the plane. I am only laughing a little bit.... Carma will strike sure as hell the next time I fly coach

KARMA

quote:

I am only laughing a little bit.... Carma will strike sure as hell the next time I fly coach

That or I will shoot the biggest buff of the trip!

Actually I'd prefer having an empty seat next to me in "premium" economy! Premium economy, even the name is an oxymoron!

Well, I suppose if we're criticizing third parties who've ruined our flight experiences, it's only fair to confess to those ocassions when we've been the cause and not the victim of the suffering. Several years ago, I was on a nilgai hunt in south texas. I had calculated my schedule down to the last minute at which i could take shoot and clean a nilgai, deliver the beast to the butcher, (quickly) shower, still make the last flight out of corpus christi. About 3 minutes before my absolute "you're going to miss the flight" moment, a big blue bull ran out in front of us. I shot it and it proceeded to run several hundred yards into the brush before expiring. To make a long story short, by the time I got it tracked, butchered and hastily offloaded at Hibler's game processing, I had less than two hours to make the hundred mile drive to CC airport, clear security and get on the plane. So, the shower got sacrificed, and I showed up at the airport still covered in all the nilgai blood that couldn't be washed off with a half full Desani water bottle, and stinking like a locker room. Jumped onto the flight with two minutes to spare and grabbed the last seat I oculd find which was a middle seat next to a very sweet looking old lady. She had the very good decency not to make eye contact, or to make any public comments about being forced to sit next to someone kitted out like Jack the Ripper.

Another time, coming back from a fishing trip, I had a cooler full of redfish that began leaking seriously fishy smelling water into the overhead bin. I didn't make any friends on that flight.

Unfortunately, even first class doesn't always rule out that misery.

I flew San Diego to Houston, seat 1A, paid for first class, not an upgrade. And this.... monster of a woman had 1B. She was over the extra wide divider by a foot, and the wheezing, breathing death rattles from her... creeped me out. Of course, plane was full, and no re-seating possible.

Quit complaining, it could be worse, you could be sitting next to him without a leopard in the salt.....

hahahaha, im loving this post. i had a similar experience flying back from new zealand in business class, the toddler kept on crying and screaming for 7-8 hours straight. i felt like jumping off.. serious.

I know how you feel ,same thing happened to me i paid extra for a seat at the back of the plane where there is only two seats on a Qantas flight coming back from joburg to Australia last May,i was hoping i would have both seats to myself, when this immense New Zealand woman walks down the aisle and lip reads to me ''im sitting next to you '' OMG,the flab overlapped into my seat , so much so i could feel it against my wallet in my back pocket ,i had to lean into the godamn aisle for the whole flight !!!! when i tried to sleep someone would walk down the damn aisle and bump into me everytime and wake me up, like a bloody nightmare ,i think i had 1 hours sleep in the whole flight then had to wait in Sydney for the flight back to Brisbane which was nearly as bad ,wasnt ina good mood when i got home

Next worst thing to being seated next to airborne whales is screaming kids ,came back from the Philippines 4 years ago from the moment we got on the plane until the time we got off, these two 3 years olds screamed ,wailed ,cried etc non stop OMG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!someone shoot me

Once upon a time - I had to sit next to a DEMOCRAT. I'll take XXL.

quote:

Originally posted by The Artistry of Wildlife:
Quit complaining, it could be worse, you could be sitting next to him without a leopard in the salt.....

You're right Dennis. I also have something else in the salt. Something BIGGER.

I just learned from Delta that if you complain to the attendant before they close the door, they will either find one of you a different seat if available, and if not, they will remove the oversize party from the plane.

I learned that after they closed the door and only got a free drink coupon.

quote:

Originally posted by tankhunter:
Next worst thing to being seated next to airborne whales is screaming kids ,came back from the Philippines 4 years ago from the moment we got on the plane until the time we got off, these two 3 years olds screamed ,wailed ,cried etc non stop OMG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!someone shoot me

4-6mg of Ativan and you wouldn't even hear them....and either way, you won't even remember the flight. Works for me every time.

So I am deadheading in uniform about two months ago from San Jose, CA to Denver, CO. I show up for the flight and it's a CRJ 50 I am in the last available seat which is the aft bulkhead window seat. That is a non reclining seat and at 6'4" I can just barely get my legs under the seat in front of me and my knees are hard pressed against the seat back in front.

The seat next to me is empty so I guess it won't be that bad. WRONG!! I look up to see a scraggly bearded version of a white sumo wrestler come through the door and start to lumber sideways down the isle. His gut is protruding into the people on the side he's facing and his ass is rubbing the folks on the other side as he laboriously pushes his way back to the only remaining open seat on the airplane, the one next to me. I was thinking about getting off the plane but as soon as he entered they had shut the door behind him.

As he gets nearer I can see that he is soaked in sweat and his breathing is labored. He turns to sit and drops with a heavy plop into his seat showering me with his sweat. He's got me jammed against the wall as least half of his bulk is flowing into my already cramped space. His BO is somewhere between a wet chicken and a three day old hoagie sandwich. I'm trying not to gag but his sweat is soaking through my shirt and pant leg on my left side where his sweat soaked flab is compressing against me.

I manage to jam myself with my back flat against the wall and my legs jammed against the seat in front of me to minimize skin to skin contact and am forced to sit in that awkward position for the 2 hour and 30 minute flight.

I actually had to fight back a feeling of severe claustrophobia several times during the flight. About 2 hours into this torture session my back started to spasm and was almost completely locked up by the time we exited. It put me down and out for three days. Here is the best part though, my shirt and pants where they were jammed against the guy, even after washing continued to reek of the guys B/O so bad that I had to throw them away!! I am talking a full brand new uniform. My white shirt was actually stained brown from this guys sweat, it's like he was leaking out toxic waste!

NEVER AGAIN will I politely sit there and suffer that BS!! I am pretty tough and resilient but that was over the top.

surestrike, that's above and beyond the call of duty!

quote:

Originally posted by bwanamrm:
Mine was a passenger from Botswana with the worst body odor I have ever encountered. I laughed when I read about Jorge's tsunami of lard but I would fight that vs. the BO smell! You can't hold your nose for 16 hours and I never acclimated to the smell! I think my nose hairs were singed.

I always carry a liquid breath freshener and rub it in my nostrils to counter bad odors. Works great

Old trick from Law enforcement days when dealing with dead bodies.

Standing in line to clear passport control before getting on my 10hr flight, the baby being held by the person behind me, throws up all down my neck and back of my shirt. It was a 100 degree August day. I and everyone else had to smell this for the entire flight. Nothing I could do.....

Surestrike may not like this one, but if you find yourself sitting in a seat next to a fat person, bad BO, etc., politely ask the flight attendant to reseat you. If they tell you there are no empty seats, ask if there are any non-revs on the plane, and politely tell the flight attendant that you would like to trade seats with a non-rev.

Bwana: That is why on long flights I always carry a change of clothes with me.

quote:

Surestrike may not like this one, but if you find yourself sitting in a seat next to a fat person, bad BO, etc., politely ask the flight attendant to reseat you. If they tell you there are no empty seats, ask if there are any non-revs on the plane, and politely tell the flight attendant that you would like to trade seats with a non-rev.

If I am on a deadhead it's revenue space positive I.E. I HAVE to be on that airplane most likely to make another flight that I am operating. It's a positive space ticket that the airline is paying for just exactly like when one of your employees is traveling on business for your company. We have contractual agreements with the company as to what they can and can't do on deadhead segment. Not moving your assigned seat without consent is one of them.

Now if I am non reving on a pass I'd be more than happy to accommodate you. Or just take the next flight. That's a different story. But I am here to tell you my friend, most likely you wouldn't want to trade for the seat I wind up with on a non rev segment in today's brave new world.

Along the lines of Leon K's comments, I was working on a case involving a plane crash and had spent all day in an unairconditioned hangar in Dallas, in the summer, assisting my expert witness in putting the many pieces of a cracked up general aviation airplane back together basically so he could do a cause and origin analysis of the resulting fire (kind of a chicken and the egg thing).

Anyway, ran late for my flight; was a sweaty mess. The storage place was called "Air Salvage" and they sold caps and T-shirts, with their logo of a cracked up airplane. I took a spit bath in the sink and bought a clean T-shirt and cap and headed for the airport.

This was pre-911, but my fellow passengers were more concerned about the logo on the T-shirt and cap than my odor.

How about a slightly different kind of bad travel experience?

Was flying from Harrisburg PA to Pittsburgh, then to Houston. Could still smoke on the plane then, the guy I was traveling with was an old C130 pilot, I had just spent 3 days with him at a vendor shop, where most of the management team was ex mil pilots. Spent 3 days hearing tales of how to die in an airplane. Some of the best storys were from my buddy flying into Khe Sanh in the late 60's.

Anyway, take off is OK, a little bumpy, Ed sayss, it's OK, moderate turbulence, the plane can take much worse. We are sitting in the far aft row so he can smoke, I have the window and the wings are flexing a lot, but hey, it's designed to right?

Well, it gets a LOT more rough, Ed says " wow, this is some of the worst turbulence I have ever seen"..... the wings are flapping like goose now.

Coming into Pitt, can see the airport, when suddenly, wham, a staight down plummet, the pilot firewalls the engines, Ed grabs the seat in front and tries to sceam, but no sound comes out. Damn, if he is scared, we are goners, I thought.

Went around, landed the second try, still very rough, went straight to airport bar. Pondered whether to wait until next day, after frontal passage to go to Houston. Had enough drinks, screw it , lets go. Got upgraded to first, smooth flight.

But for a few minutes there.... not so smooth. FWIW, I fly a 100-200k miles a year, not a newbie to air travel.

On the B-777 there is a floor hatch that accesses the electric and avioncs equipment bay.The hatch is just forward of the first class section. We were coming across the North Atlantic west bound one fine afternoon when suddenly we lost all of our communications radios. Bummer.

So I go back and open the hatch and climb down into the bay and spend several minutes trying to locate the appropriate circuit breakers to reset. Accomplishing the task and regaining use of the necessary radios I climb up the ladder to the main deck and notice that there is now a crowd around the hatch and my audience is very concerned wondering what I was doing down in the guts of the airplane and what was wrong ETC ETC.

Being the honest and forthright person that I am, I explained to them that it was time to feed the animals that were being transported in the cargo pit. Which satisfied the lot of them, yet another "nightmare" airline experience averted.

Surestrike,

Your fat/BO guy story was hilarious to read, but I'm sure not to experience!

quote:

I always carry a liquid breath freshener and rub it in my nostrils to counter bad odors. Works great

This reminds me of when a cow died in the barn on a hot, humid day in July in Virginia. I could smell the cow from about 150 yards away and knew it had gone in the barn and likely died of the heat. We called the people who were renting our fields and when they showed up, my dad, who has almost no capacity for blood, gore, smell of death etc, comes walking out with a tube of Ben-Gay and a suspiciously glistening upper-lip. He walked up to the guy who owned the cow and his son, waving the tube of Ben-Gay offering it to them to ward off the smell. Not knowing what the hell he was doing, they both looked at the tube, then at my dad, then at the tube and just walked past him on into the barn. My dad looked at me with that glistening upper-lip and I just started laughing, nearly pissing myself.

No, not a travel story but your breath-freshener-in-the-nostrils did send me on a trip back in time to a very funny event...

Try a skinny fellah with a need to recall his very sad life history, but with a breath that smelt like a bad dose of the "gyppos" and ten day old summer road kill.

My brother and I were flying from San Francisco to Shanghai China and our seats were in the back of economy.
Shortly after takeoff the flight attendant asked us to follow her.
We went straight to first class where she said, "I think you'll be more comfortable here".
She was correct!
Oh man, that was bad (and by bad, I mean good)

On another occasion my brother and I had been snowed-in in NWT CA and got out, from 12 days in the bush, just in time to jump on the plane in Norman Wells. A cute girl was already on the plane sitting between our seats. We suggested she take the isle or window seat to get a little distance but she expressed she was content. She fell asleep with her nose right on the shoulder of my younger brother. I'm sure we smelled....well... rough!

Travel is always an adventure.... for someone!
Zeke