(may be real, I don't know. And don't shoot in translator)

There are only three rehearsals to shame !

Bassoons is not take in the mouth, and trombones are finished !

The note under the point is that we should do something with it .

This is not a symphony orchestra, here you can not hide in the crowd , you have to play clean!

Need to play as you're a little drunk and not in a hurry .

Guys, this is "cuckoo sounds", rather than the approach of enemy aircraft !

And if someone has played out of tune , the main thing - to have time to look reproachfully at the neighbor .

See by one eye in the party, and by two on me !

Come home and do so that your whole family know how to play it ...

Women's Choir ! Sing along with your brains.

This opus you had to soak up with your teacher's milk !

Tell me , please, that you are now after playing so Conservatory ? I'm going there tomorrow , strangle the rector and will require that he have taken away your diploma !

People playing out of tune , should be put in jail along with counterfeiters .

You better beat the drums by head , it would be louder .

Stop staring at the neckline flutist , there's no music , your party on the desk !

Trumpeters , you sit upper than trombones, but they , unlike you - the men !

How is necessary to hate each other , as you play so!

Why did not somebody explain you in childhood than the pipe is different from the Scout furnace ?

Shostakovich was not a boxer , but for this playing it would be resurrected and stuffed you face!

And what fool told you that your place on the stage , not on a construction site?

For a solo I would kiss you , it's a pity you are sitting so far. Waiting for you at 10 am tomorrow in my office .

Drummers always try to consider themselves the most important in the orchestra ! Remember: the main
in orchestra - Director , the second - I , and you - in the first hundred !

I have the impression that in the pipes - obstruction . Refer to the gynecologist !

If you would play like the first time, I'll kill you all one by one, bury, Spend term in jail , and then will recruite the new band!

You , my dear, play with such expression , as if , except for Cello , you have never hold something between your legs in your life !

You're not afraid to go to the second branch ? Say "thank you" that only intellectuals go to the conservatory . And then the proletariat would rise up from their seats and stuffed faces to all of you for this playing !

The second trombone , I want to wish you , that at your funeral so played!

I will ask the scribers to write the party bigger for idiots !

I promise you a job in the underpass , and personally make arrangements with the cops and gangsters , that they did not touch you . But I can not vouch for the passers-by .

Would you have instead the saxophone - a chainsaw "Friendship" in hand . Sound the same , and more money !

You have a very beautiful , strong hands . Put the tool and strangle yourself with them , do not mock the music !

When you get home , send my condolences to your wife . How can she sleep with so non-rhitmic man?

You play this so familiarly as if you personally had drinking with Prokofiev !

Tell me , do not you ashamed? Better if you messed up the air than this great place in Adagio !

I stop all sorts of ceremonies and today I'll begin to teach you to love, if not me , then at least the music!

After concert, you have to go to church and ask God for forgiveness. And do not forget the sacrifice for temple .

Vasher,

I'll bet this is a good one, but the translation does not convey the message to those of us in the English speaking world very well.
Please do not let my comment deter you from posting-I read them all.

Luck,

Stephen

What the f--- ? Now I need more wodka !! :-)

Vashper. Thank you for your constant efforts.I enjoy reading them all. The problem we seem to be having is in the translation department.Words come through,but not inflections. As every culture is a bit difference this is critical in understanding. Please don't stop by any means,but the translation department needs to update.Best wishes.