Ann Arbor News Report: Football practice in Ann Arbor was delayed on
Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his
way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious
looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The
head coach, Lloyd Carr, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was
called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI
determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal
line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would
not be likely to encounter the substance again.

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Q. What did the Michigan graduate say to the Ohio State graduate?
A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"

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It was reported that Michigan head football coach Lloyd Carr will only
be dressing twenty players for the Ohio State game. The rest of the
players will
have to get dressed by themselves.
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Did you hear that the University of Michigan library burned to the
ground? All five books in the library were destroyed. The football
team was very upset
because they hadn't colored in two of them yet.

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Q: How do you get a Michigan grad off of your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.

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Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Ann Arbor?
A: Columbus: 187 Miles

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Q: What does the average UM student get on his SAT?
A: Drool

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A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear
a Michigan joke?" The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell
that joke, you
should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a Michigan grad.
The guy sitting next to me is 6 ' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a
Michigan grad. The fella
next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's a Michigan grad. Now,
you still wanna tell that joke?"

The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three
times."

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Q: Why doesn't Michigan sink into the great lakes?
A: Because shit floats.

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A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work.
The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a
broom and said,
"Your first job will be to sweep out the store."

"But I'm a Michigan graduate," the young man replied indignantly, "I
even played football there!"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me
the broom - I'll show you how."

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Two University of Michigan football players were down on campus
partying. They were hootin' and hollerin' when a bartender asked them
why they were celebrating.
The smart one said proudly that they had just finished a jigsaw puzzle
and it only took two months.
"Two months!?" exclaimed the bartender. The Wolverine replied, "Yeah,
but the box said 4-6 years."

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I've just received word that there is a new addition to the Endangered
species list: Michigan Alumni

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A little boy and his mother were walking through a Michigan cemetery
when they came upon a headstone that read:
"Here lies a Michigan graduate and an honest man."

The little boy asked, "Mommy, why did they bury 2 people in there?"

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A Wolverine football player was almost killed in a tragic horseback
riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to
death. Luckily, the
manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged it in time!

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Coaches Jim Tressel and Lloyd Carr are flying in a plane and it
crashes. Tragically, Jim Tressel dies, oh and, so does Lloyd Carr. They
both get to the
pearly gates and St. Peter says "Come on in guys. I'll have some angels
show you to your new places."

Jim and Lloyd both go their separate ways and the angel taking Lloyd to
his new place shows it to him. Fuming, Lloyd starts yelling, "What's
with this? I get
this little run-down leaky shack with broken windows and the paint
peeling off the walls and Jim gets the huge mansion with golden gates
and OSU flags waving
everywhere! I demand a place just like his!"

The angel, trying to calm Lloyd down says "Oh, that's not Jim's place.
It's God's."

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Jim and Lloyd are walking down the beach talking about the new rivalry
starting with Jim taking over as coach. As they're walking, Lloyd trips
over something
and almost breaks his leg. Upon closer inspection it turns out to be a
genie's lamp. "Who disturbs me?" asked the genie. Jim and Lloyd, both
say that they
did it. "You will each get one wish." said the genie. Lloyd offers to go
first.

"I want an impenetrable wall built around the entire state of Michigan
so that none of those stupid miscreants from Ohio will ever get a chance
to get in.
I want it as far down into the ground as it is high, and I want it to be
completely sealed in so that we can finally have our peace."

The genie grants the wish to him and he is instantly whisked away to
his new paradise.

Jim says "Now fill it up with water."
------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you get a Michigan cheerleader into your dorm room?
A: Grease her hips and push.

Q: Why is ice no longer available at Michigan football games?
A: The senior who knew the recipe graduated.

Q: What are the longest 3 years of a Michigan football player's life?
A: His freshman year.

Q: Why did U of M replace the stadium grass with Astroturf?
A: To keep the cheerleaders from grazing during games.

An Ohio State University mortician student walked into the embalming room where a cadaver was lying on the table. Confident that he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his instructor, he began to examine the body. When he rolled it over, he was shocked to see a cork in the man's butt. Mystified, he pulled it out and immediately heard the University of Michigan fight song come out of the guy's butt.

Shaken by what had happened, he quickly shoved the cork back into it's original resting place. He then ran to get his instructor, nervously shouting, "Sir, you must come, you won't believe what I discovered!!"

Annoyed by the interruption, the professor said, "Let's take a look at this astounding discovery."

When they entered the morgue, the teacher was also surprised to see the cork, so he approached the table and promptly removed the cork.

Upon hearing the University of Michigan fight song, he quickly replaced the cork in the cadaver's butt and said, "What's so surprising about that? I've heard thousands of assholes sing that song!"

You know how U of M students find Columbus? They go south until they smell shit, than go west until they step in it.

ddunn, I have to admit that at least one or two of them are new! You obviously did not waste your college education.

On Saturday the game will be played.

You know what they say in Michigan, Flush Twice, Ohio Needs water.

I might stop making fun of that state up north, if I someone would force me to hunt up there.
:-)

I take it your from Ohio?

Your welcome anytime up here, I bought a combo deer tag, no problem saving a tag for a little Buckeye friend

Oooppps, just read the rule book, no closed season on Buckeyes, no bag limit either.........

btw, those were pretty good. I passed them around work to the guys who follow football, got them all fired up in short order.

Like oil in water....the truth will soon surface.

MICHIGAN 35..........Ohio 21

What's a Buckeye?
Look under a deers tail and see for yourself.

They lost. How could they loose. O�well, I didn�t even watch the game. I was prepping for the my WV deer hunt.

I really only give one person a hard time about being a Michigan fan. She is a cute girl at work with a personality to match. Or should I say I would love to give her hard time.

If you guys up north here any more good ones let me know. I will pass them on to the HARD CORE fans at work.

One more thing, Inresponse, �What's a Buckeye? Look under a deers tail and see for yourself.� That�s not a buckeye, that an Asshole. You can find them in all large cities, not just Ohio.

ddunn, You are correct. There are Buckeyes, uh...assholes, in all large cities. Either way, maybe next year. =-)

They played the game, the better team won. Good bye Columbus "nuff said"