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I did a search on "limerick" for the past six months and didn't see anything here, so figured it was about time to renew our acquaintance with a few. I'll start and please, feel free to add you own... Once, to a virtuous laddie, A mortician�s daughter named Maddie, said �do as I say, and we�ll have a good lay, for I�ve buried more stiffs than my Daddy!� There once was a lady named Alice, who used dynamite for a phallus, they found her vagina in North Carolina, and her anus was found west of Dallas! There once was a lady named Annie, who had lice, fleas and ticks up her fanny, to get up her flue was like touring the zoo, there were wild beasts in each nook and cranny. | ||
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Here's one- The once was a man from Bombay who built a vagina from clay. But the heat from his prick turned it into a brick- and chaffed all his foreskin away! | |||
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There once was a hermit named Dave who found a dead whore in his cave. He said, "what the hell, I'll get used to the smell and look at the money I'll save." | |||
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A mezzo-soprano called Pat Said, "I can't sing soprano like that." Until one day she sat on The end of my baton And climaxed in upper A flat. Poor Gregory can't get his pole Up his girl for a tumble and roll For he has a square peg, And his paramour Meg Has a perfectly circular hole. I've heard from a friend of a friend That the latest most up-to-date trend Is for piercing one's pri- vates; I don't think I'll try It; I don't want a leaky big end. | |||
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There once was a man from O'Doul Who developed red streaks on his tool He went to the doc Who examined his cock And said "Wipe off that lipstick, you fool" | |||
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If vegans abhor all that's meat Reproduction is surely a feat. They must do it alone in The bedroom by clonin' Though most of them probably cheat. | |||
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There once was a lady from Sidney Who could take it clear to her kidney. Then a man from Quebec Stuffed it Clear to her neck. He had a big one, now didn't he? You've heard of Sally McGruder And all of the fellows who screwed her Big ones and tall ones Fat ones and bald ones Including one queer who just booed her | |||
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Here's to the breezes That blow through the treeses Lifting the skirts and exposing the kneeses Giving a wink at the pink spot that pleases JESUS! | |||
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There once was a lady from Cape Cod Who thought all babys were the gift of God But it wasn't the Almighty who lifted her nighty It was Roger the lodger by god | |||
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PJ: When I saw the "Limericks" topic, the only limerick that has stayed in my head from school over a half century ago and which I looked forward to posting - was already posted by you! I don't remember you from school! | |||
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Gerald- We must have gone to different schools together! Pete | |||
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On a tombstone: Here lay the bones of Screwy Dick. At birth he was blessed with a corkscrew prick. He wandered his life in an endless hunt. In search of a girl with a corkscrew c#@t. He finally found her, but then dropped dead. The son of a bitch had a left hand thread. Plinker | |||
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There was a young fellow froms Leeds Who swallowed a packet of seeds. From the crack of his ass Grew small tufts of grass And his bollocks were covered in weeds. * * * A habit obscene and unsavory Kept the Bishop of Ely in slavery To maniacal howls He buggered young owls Which he kept in an underground aviary. * * * When her daughter got married in Bicester, Her mother remarked as she kissed her, "That fellow you've won, Is sure to be fun, Since tea he's fucked me and your sister." * * * From the depth of the crypt of Saint Giles Came a yell that resounded for miles. Said the priest, "Goodness Gracious", did brother Ignatious, forget that the Bishop hath piles?! | |||
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the was once a man from belfass whos balls were made of fine brass in stormy weather they clang together and sparks flew out of his ass. | |||
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There was a woman named White Who found herself in a terrible plight; A mucker named Tucker Had struck her, the fucker, The bugger, the bastard, the shite! There was a young virgin from Kutch Who kept two tame snakes in her crutch She said, "when they wriggle, It's a bit of a giggle, But my boyfriends don't like my crutch much!" | |||
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To his girl, said the lynx-eyed detective "Is your left tit the least bit defective Is your East tit the least bit Bigger than your West tit, Or is it the trick of perspective?" ============================================= At an orgy I humped twenty-two And boy was I glad to get through A whole night of sexing turns boring and vexing But at orgies what else can you do? | |||
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There was a lady named white,,,,,,,,,insisted on two dozen a night,,,,,A man from cheddar had the brashness to wed her,,,,,His chance of survival is slight Clay | |||
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There was was a lady from New Zealand who had a peculier feeling, she lay on her back and tickled her crack and pissed all over the ceiling!!!!!!!!!!! | |||
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