I did a search on "limerick" for the past six months and didn't see anything here, so figured it was about time to renew our acquaintance with a few. I'll start and please, feel free to add you own...

Once, to a virtuous laddie,
A mortician�s daughter named Maddie,
said �do as I say,
and we�ll have a good lay,
for I�ve buried more stiffs than my Daddy!�


There once was a lady named Alice,
who used dynamite for a phallus,
they found her vagina
in North Carolina,
and her anus was found west of Dallas!


There once was a lady named Annie,
who had lice, fleas and ticks up her fanny,
to get up her flue
was like touring the zoo,
there were wild beasts in each nook and cranny.

Here's one-

The once was a man from Bombay
who built a vagina from clay.
But the heat from his prick
turned it into a brick-
and chaffed all his foreskin away!

There once was a hermit named Dave
who found a dead whore in his cave.
He said, "what the hell,
I'll get used to the smell
and look at the money I'll save."

A mezzo-soprano called Pat
Said, "I can't sing soprano like that."
Until one day she sat on
The end of my baton
And climaxed in upper A flat.

Poor Gregory can't get his pole
Up his girl for a tumble and roll
For he has a square peg,
And his paramour Meg
Has a perfectly circular hole.

I've heard from a friend of a friend
That the latest most up-to-date trend
Is for piercing one's pri-
vates; I don't think I'll try
It; I don't want a leaky big end.

There once was a man from O'Doul
Who developed red streaks on his tool
He went to the doc
Who examined his cock
And said "Wipe off that lipstick, you fool"

If vegans abhor all that's meat
Reproduction is surely a feat.
They must do it alone in
The bedroom by clonin'
Though most of them probably cheat.

There once was a lady from Sidney
Who could take it clear to her kidney.
Then a man from Quebec
Stuffed it Clear to her neck.
He had a big one, now didn't he?

You've heard of Sally McGruder
And all of the fellows who screwed her
Big ones and tall ones
Fat ones and bald ones
Including one queer who just booed her

Here's to the breezes
That blow through the treeses
Lifting the skirts and exposing the kneeses
Giving a wink at the pink spot that pleases
JESUS!

There once was a lady from Cape Cod
Who thought all babys were the gift of God
But it wasn't the Almighty who lifted her nighty
It was Roger the lodger by god

PJ:

When I saw the "Limericks" topic, the only limerick that has stayed in my head from school over a half century ago and which I looked forward to posting - was already posted by you! I don't remember you from school!

Gerald-
We must have gone to different schools together!
Pete

On a tombstone:

Here lay the bones of Screwy Dick. At birth he was blessed with a corkscrew prick. He wandered his life in an endless hunt. In search of a girl with a corkscrew c#@t. He finally found her, but then dropped dead. The son of a bitch had a left hand thread.


Plinker

There was a young fellow froms Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds.
From the crack of his ass
Grew small tufts of grass
And his bollocks were covered in weeds.

* * *

A habit obscene and unsavory
Kept the Bishop of Ely in slavery
To maniacal howls
He buggered young owls
Which he kept in an underground aviary.

* * *

When her daughter got married in Bicester,
Her mother remarked as she kissed her,
"That fellow you've won,
Is sure to be fun,
Since tea he's fucked me and your sister."

* * *

From the depth of the crypt of Saint Giles
Came a yell that resounded for miles.
Said the priest, "Goodness Gracious",
did brother Ignatious,
forget that the Bishop hath piles?!

the was once a man from belfass
whos balls were made of fine brass

in stormy weather they clang together
and sparks flew out of his ass.

There was a woman named White
Who found herself in a terrible plight;
A mucker named Tucker
Had struck her, the fucker,
The bugger, the bastard, the shite!

There was a young virgin from Kutch
Who kept two tame snakes in her crutch
She said, "when they wriggle,
It's a bit of a giggle,
But my boyfriends don't like my crutch much!"

To his girl, said the lynx-eyed detective
"Is your left tit the least bit defective
Is your East tit the least bit
Bigger than your West tit,
Or is it the trick of perspective?"

=============================================

At an orgy I humped twenty-two
And boy was I glad to get through
A whole night of sexing
turns boring and vexing
But at orgies what else can you do?

There was a lady named white,,,,,,,,,insisted on two dozen a night,,,,,A man from cheddar had the brashness to wed her,,,,,His chance of survival is slight Clay

There was was a lady from New Zealand who had a peculier feeling, she lay on her back and tickled her crack and pissed all over the ceiling!!!!!!!!!!!