I'm sure any/all contractors will appreciate this:

CONSTRUCTION DEFINITIONS
CONTRACTOR - A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal

BID OPENING - A poker game in which the losing hand wins.

BID - A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.

LOW BIDDER - A contractor who is wondering what he forgot.

PROFESSIONAL�S ESTIMATE - The cost of construction in heaven.

PROJECT MANAGER - The conductor of an orchestra in which each musician is in a different union.

CRITICAL PATH METHOD - A management technique for maintaining perfect control while losing your shirt.

OSHA - A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs and baloney. Usually applied at random with a shotgun.

STRIKE - An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken,

DELAYED PAYMENT - A tourniquet applied at the pockets.

COMPLETION DATE - A random date chosen to begin imposition of Liquidated Damages, with no connection to reality.

LIQUIDATED DAMAGES - A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.

AUDITOR - People who go in after the war is lost and bayonet the wounded.

LAWYER - People who go in after the auditors and strip the bodies.



R-WEST