03 January 2004, 07:04
R-WESTConstruction Definitions
I'm sure any/all contractors will appreciate this:
CONSTRUCTION DEFINITIONSCONTRACTOR - A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal
BID OPENING - A poker game in which the losing hand wins.
BID - A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.
LOW BIDDER - A contractor who is wondering what he forgot.
PROFESSIONAL�S ESTIMATE - The cost of construction in heaven.
PROJECT MANAGER - The conductor of an orchestra in which each musician is in a different union.
CRITICAL PATH METHOD - A management technique for maintaining perfect control while losing your shirt.
OSHA - A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs and baloney. Usually applied at random with a shotgun.
STRIKE - An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken,
DELAYED PAYMENT - A tourniquet applied at the pockets.
COMPLETION DATE - A random date chosen to begin imposition of Liquidated Damages, with no connection to reality.
LIQUIDATED DAMAGES - A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.
AUDITOR - People who go in after the war is lost and bayonet the wounded.
LAWYER - People who go in after the auditors and strip the bodies.

R-WEST