1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.

~Grantland Rice



2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.

~John Updike



3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.

~Robert Lynd



4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.

~Horace G. Hutchinson



5. They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.

~ Gardner Dickinson



6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.

~Sam Snead



7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.

~William Wordsworth



8. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt!

~Dean Martin



9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up.

~Tommy Bolt



10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.

~Bishop Sheen



11. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

~ Arnold Palmer



12. My handicap? Woods and irons.

~Chris Codiroli



13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.

~Pete Dye



14. I'm hitting the woods just great, but having a terrible time getting out of them!

~Buddy Hackett



15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf.

~Billy Graham



16. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.

~Jack Lemmon



17. Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

~Mark Twain



18. Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.

~Harry Vardon



19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them.

~Raymond Willis



20. May the ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters or small round sandy regions.

~Ben Hogan



21. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.

~All Us Hackers



22 The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.

~George Deukmejian



AND FINALLY...

23. Remember Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.

~Lee Trevino

Thank you. Also I recommend for anyone who has not read it before,P.G. Wodehouse's books on golf.If you do not laugh,you are already dead.