quote:

Originally posted by xgrunt:
A couple of us local retired types from the Senior Center were asked to address a high school gathering put on by the PTA. As luck would have it, I was the only speaker to show up, so I had the stage to myself.

I talked about staying in school, getting good grades and all that usual bullshit; and since I had plenty of time because those other guys didn't show, I threw it open for questions. The last one asked was, "Can you give us a couple of your life's philosophical beliefs?”

I said, “That’s an easy one. Looking back over my 6+ decades, I believe I've spent close to 90% of my earnings on booze and whores. The rest I just wasted.”

I was escorted out without getting to finish my last two rules to live by:

1) If it flies, floats, or fucks, it’s cheaper to rent it!

2) If it’s got tits or tires, you’re gonna have problems with it

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