1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and dipshit's.

2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.

3. I live in my own little world, but it's OK. Everyone knows me here.

4. I saw a very large woman wearing a sweatshirt with "GUESS" on the front. I said, “Left tackle?”

5. I don't do drugs. I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.

6. I don't like political jokes. I've seen too many get elected.

7. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

8. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade. If life deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.

9. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.

10. Every day I beat my previous record of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

11. No one ever says, "It's only a game!" when their team's winning.

12. Marriage destroys passion . . . suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

13. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

14. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

15. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

16. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't need the fuckin’ class!

17. Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

18. Wouldn't you know it! Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

19. Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can read a Bible in prison.

20. When you get old, you tend to forget; like what No. 20 was supposed to be.

quote:

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can read a Bible in prison.

Because they don't need it in school??
Peter.

quote:

13. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

Good reason to avoid Nude beaches.

Grizz

Ever wonder why there is no accordion players in an all girl nude band.

As to # 17,I agree + I have many times used the term "When you argue with an idiot,who's the idiot?"