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Twenty Astute Observations

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20 April 2018, 18:05
Kensco
Twenty Astute Observations
1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and dipshit's.

2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.

3. I live in my own little world, but it's OK. Everyone knows me here.

4. I saw a very large woman wearing a sweatshirt with "GUESS" on the front. I said, “Left tackle?”

5. I don't do drugs. I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.

6. I don't like political jokes. I've seen too many get elected.

7. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

8. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade. If life deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.

9. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.

10. Every day I beat my previous record of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

11. No one ever says, "It's only a game!" when their team's winning.

12. Marriage destroys passion . . . suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

13. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

14. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

15. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

16. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't need the fuckin’ class!

17. Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

18. Wouldn't you know it! Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

19. Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can read a Bible in prison.

20. When you get old, you tend to forget; like what No. 20 was supposed to be.
20 April 2018, 18:16
Peter
quote:
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can read a Bible in prison.

Because they don't need it in school??
Peter.


Be without fear in the face of your enemies. Be brave and upright, that God may love thee. Speak the truth always, even if it leads to your death. Safeguard the helpless and do no wrong;
20 April 2018, 18:54
Grizzly Adams
quote:
13. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?



Good reason to avoid Nude beaches. Wink

Grizz


Indeed, no human being has yet lived under conditions which, considering the prevailing climates of the past, can be regarded as normal. John E Pfeiffer, The Emergence of Man

Those who can't skin, can hold a leg. Abraham Lincoln

Only one war at a time. Abe Again.
21 April 2018, 02:32
Rolland
Ever wonder why there is no accordion players in an all girl nude band.


Never rode a bull, but have shot some.

NRA life member
NRA LEO firearms instructor (retired)
NRA Golden Eagles member
21 April 2018, 09:55
NormanConquest
As to # 17,I agree + I have many times used the term "When you argue with an idiot,who's the idiot?"


Never mistake motion for action.
22 April 2018, 01:36
Use Enough Gun
Big Grin