Some jokes are based on regional differences or stereotypes. (And remember -- stereotypes are necessary, otherwise how could we think and recognize things?) Here are three:

Have you heard how skilled the English cooks are?It's quite difficult to ruin chicken, but those English cooks -- they find a way.

Why in Iowa do they prefer to play their football games on artificial turf instead of real grass? So the cheerleaders won't graze after the game.

Have you heard about the man who emigrated from Tennessee to Arkansas and thereby raised the average intelligence of both states?

[ 11-05-2003, 22:44: Message edited by: LE270 ]

Did you hear about the fire at the Wyoming Governors mansion? Burned it right down to the axles on the trailer! Almost burned down the Wyoming state library to, as the Govenor was still coloring the second book!

[ 11-04-2003, 03:29: Message edited by: Shooter973 ]

IOWA

I diots
O ut
W alking
A round


[ 11-04-2003, 06:45: Message edited by: Max503 ]

Iowa - The most literate state in the union
Iowa - The most highly educated, per capita, state of the union.
Maryland - A cesspool of crime, drugs and assholes.

Max503 - Totally butt-reaming fuckhead asshole. And while you're at it, go fuck yourself. And a fucking coward, to boot, who won't even say where he's from.

And did I mention to go fuck yourself?

So nice, I need to say it twice.

I guess some people don't like jokes.

120mm

HUMOR FORUM

yah know, HA HA

Man, someone needs a 'lude!

Anyone remember the line from "Stripes"?
"Lighten up, Francis"

He who stoops to personal attacks has already lost the argument.
120mm. is obviously a drag on the high Iowa literacy and education statistics.

On the other hand he obviously has a definitive grip on the various forms of one four letter word.



Mort Canard

Man, I've had bad days in my life. Looks like they mustn't have been THAT bad after all....

Dearest 120mm,
Surely you are not serious.
Love,
Max503

This is the humor forum isn't? What would he like if it wasn't a joke?
Bloody hell I thought my missus was cranky!!
Peter

Why do birds fly across Minnesota upside down? To save their shit for Iowa!

Don't mind 120,he's stuck in that dumpy country of Iraq and I heard a rumour that he got volunteered to stay another 6 months. Heck,that would make Job cranky! derf

You're right. Someone pissed, quite successfully, in my cheerios. Frankly, the Idiots Out Walking Around wasn't original, or funny, even when I was 5. The kind of moron who thinks that is funny is stuck somewhere between potty training and the tit, imho.

BTW, the goose flying upside down was mildly amusing.

Q - What would happen if Iowa donated it's lower tier of counties to Missouri?

A - The IQ of both states would go up 10 points.

Q - Why does the the wind always blow from the north, in Iowa?

A - Because Missouri sucks.

Q - If a Kentucky couple got a divorce, would they still be brother and sister?

Q - What do you call a multiple car fatal accident in Maryland?

A - A good start.

Oh 120! It looks like you definitely sustantiated the intial comment about Iowa. However, why do you insist on re-affirming it? It is usually better to remain silent and be thought an idiot, rather than speak up and remove all doubt. ;-)

Have a great day!

Doc

good old fashion Georgia redneck

[

quote:

---

Originally posted by 120mm:
[qb]Iowa - The most literate state in the union
Iowa - The most highly educated, per capita, state of the union.

---

Do illiterate people get the full benifit of aphabet soup?

what do a divorce in Arkansas, and a tornado in Missouri have in common?

Somebody's fixin ta lose them a mobile home!

DGK

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged a highly secret plan they had funded with the U.S. auto makers for the past five years. The NTSB covertly funded a project whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four wheel drive pick-up trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2% of fatal crashes were, "Oh Shit!" Only the state of West Virginia was different, where 89.3% of the final words were, "Hey Y'all, watch this!"

Plinker603

Whats the best thing that comes out of Iowa?

....I35
...........alternatively......an empty bus....

Why does does the cold arctic air always blow through MN?

....Iowa sucks

Iowa...at least it's easy to spell....

An Iowan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."

What do you call a good looking girl in Iowa?

....a tourist....

Did you hear about that power outage at the mall in Ames (Iowa) ?

...40 people were stuck on the escalator for 3 hours....

[ 11-06-2003, 03:58: Message edited by: yorick ]

Why are Georgians in-bred?

Because fucking your sister outside is immodest and the bugs'll get you.

Why does the wind come from the north in Iowa?

Because Minnesota blows

And one just for "Dr." Michael: Mommy, what's a sustantiated?

Why do most southerners have family trees that look like flag poles?

Hey, this IS fun. And therapeutic. And for "Dr." Michael, "therapeutic" is one of those "medical" words.

[ 11-06-2003, 17:49: Message edited by: 120mm ]

how do you circumsize someone from Virginia
kick his sister in the chin.

Unstable,

that one deserved a reply, it got me laughing good.

A newlywed arkansas couple go home after the wedding and are about to consumate the wedding when the bride warns him,"now be gentle, I'm a virgin."

The groom gets wide eyed, rushes to yank his pants on and runs out of the house and all the way home. He gets home out of breath and his dad asks,"what's the matter?!"

"I just found out she's a virgin!" he reply's. The father says firmly,"well, if she ain't good enough for her own family she ain't good enough for ours!"

How about some Kalifornia jokes? anybody have some?

Red

Why do Iowa schools never teach Driver's Ed and Sex Ed on the same days?

It wears out the mules.

At the expense of pissing of 120MM. Not a joke. Iowa State University just funded a bondage club on campus.

Why are there so few jokes about California?

A)Because living here is no laughing matter!

B) Because the whole state is one big joke!

C) We don't need others to make us the butt of jokes, we do a good enough job of that ourselves!

My alma mater. Good old I.S. (tie up and spank) U.

And the "funny" Iowa jokes I don't mind. Or the "unfunny" ones. It's the stupid ones that deserve a kick in the teeth from yours truly.

Q Why do they mow the grass with electric lawnmowers in Ohio?

A So they can follow the cord back home.

Fordfreak

Alright, a California joke:

Why is California like a bowl of granola?

If you remove the fruits and nuts, all you have left are flakes.

My favorite one from my tour in the Army:
P ictured
A nd
N amed
A fter
M y
A sshole

[ 11-08-2003, 00:18: Message edited by: WHELENATIC ]

I went to the store last spring and looked for some cheerios, they were out. So I went on to the local kroger store and they too were out. I asked to see the mgr. He came out and I asked him when they would have more in. He said to get there early tuesday morning because the hoosier farmers had cleaned him out 2 weeks straight because they wanted to grow donuts. POWDERMAN.

How do we know that the TOOTH BRUSH was invented in Kentucky?

If it had been any where else they would have named it the TEETH BRUSH!

muck

Hey 120mm,
Peace bro. I'm from right across the river in IL. I've got a brother in Iowa, and I've had several good corn-fed girl friends come out of Iowa. I use that joke to razz my buddies from Iowa. If someone is hot-headed enough to truely get offended by a joke like that, then they have no business owning a gun.
Max503

Fordfreak, (My Michigan neighbor)

How many Michigan fans does it take to grease a combine?

2………

But you have to run’em through slow.

I once described Nebraska as "The Gateway to Kansas". My relatives in Omaha were not amused.

Butt clenchers.

Redial

Folks over in Huntington,W.VA. built em a new bridge across the Ohio river to Chesapeake, Ohio.The 'Buckeyes' thought this was great cos now they can swim across in the shade.

1. An Iranian arrived in New York, and the immigration officer was giving him a very hard time.

Iranian: New York is the ass hole of teh world!
Immigration officer: Yes sir, are you just passing through?

2. And while IOwa seems to be on the receiveing end today, here is one more.

Why can't you circumsize men from Iowa?

There is no end to those pricks!

3. An Arab, and Englishman and a Jew were sitting in the train.
A fly comes and lands on the Englishman's shoulder.

"Get off you filthy creature" brushing it off.

The fly lands on the Arab's shoulder. He catches it, and puts it in his mouth and eats it.

A few minutes later, another fly comes along and lands on the Jewish man's shoulder.

He catches it, and turning to the Arab, says, "want to buy a fly?"

4. What do you call a black lady with braces?
A Black & Decker Pecker Wrecker.

Q: What is a Louisiana house party?

A: A celebration when they take the wheels off of the house

If the Alamo had a backdoor, Texas would still belong to Mexico.

Q: Whats the difference between a coon ass and a horse's ass?

A: The Sabine River

louisiana state motto "at least we're not alabama"

iowa state motto "we're a bunch of assholes"

How Auburn graduates practice safe sex?

They get rid of all the animals that bite or kick.