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Jokes at the expense of states or countries
04 November 2003, 12:00
LE270Jokes at the expense of states or countries
Some jokes are based on regional differences or stereotypes. (And remember -- stereotypes are necessary, otherwise how could we think and recognize things?) Here are three:
Have you heard how skilled the English cooks are?It's quite difficult to ruin chicken, but those English cooks -- they find a way.
Why in Iowa do they prefer to play their football games on artificial turf instead of real grass? So the cheerleaders won't graze after the game.
Have you heard about the man who emigrated from Tennessee to Arkansas and thereby raised the average intelligence of both states?
[ 11-05-2003, 22:44: Message edited by: LE270 ]04 November 2003, 12:28
Shooter973Did you hear about the fire at the Wyoming Governors mansion? Burned it right down to the axles on the trailer! Almost burned down the Wyoming state library to, as the Govenor was still coloring the second book!
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[ 11-04-2003, 03:29: Message edited by: Shooter973 ]04 November 2003, 15:44
Max503IOWA
I diots
O ut
W alking
A round
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![[Razz]](images/icons/tongue.gif)
[ 11-04-2003, 06:45: Message edited by: Max503 ]05 November 2003, 03:53
120mmIowa - The most literate state in the union
Iowa - The most highly educated, per capita, state of the union.
Maryland - A cesspool of crime, drugs and assholes.
Max503 - Totally butt-reaming fuckhead asshole. And while you're at it, go fuck yourself. And a fucking coward, to boot, who won't even say where he's from.
And did I mention to go fuck yourself?
So nice, I need to say it twice.
05 November 2003, 06:27
browningguyI guess some people don't like jokes.
05 November 2003, 06:38
low_tech120mm
HUMOR FORUM
yah know, HA HA
05 November 2003, 07:02
Unstablequote:
Originally posted by 120mm:
Iowa - The most literate state in the union
Iowa - The most highly educated, per capita, state of the union.
so what happened to you.
*puts on his asbestos long johns*
05 November 2003, 10:40
FjoldMan, someone needs a 'lude!
Anyone remember the line from "Stripes"?
"Lighten up, Francis"
05 November 2003, 12:26
Mort CanardHe who stoops to personal attacks has already lost the argument.
120mm. is obviously a drag on the high Iowa literacy and education statistics.
On the other hand he obviously has a definitive grip on the various forms of one four letter word.
![[Roll Eyes]](images/icons/rolleyes.gif)
Mort Canard
05 November 2003, 15:11
Max503Dearest 120mm,
Surely you are not serious.
Love,
Max503
05 November 2003, 15:25
pete152This is the humor forum isn't? What would he like if it wasn't a joke?
Bloody hell I thought my missus was cranky!!
Peter
05 November 2003, 18:00
nelsontedWhy do birds fly across Minnesota upside down? To save their shit for Iowa!
05 November 2003, 19:55
derfDon't mind 120,he's stuck in that dumpy country of Iraq and I heard a rumour that he got volunteered to stay another 6 months. Heck,that would make Job cranky! derf
06 November 2003, 00:24
120mmYou're right. Someone pissed, quite successfully, in my cheerios. Frankly, the Idiots Out Walking Around wasn't original, or funny, even when I was 5. The kind of moron who thinks that is funny is stuck somewhere between potty training and the tit, imho.
BTW, the goose flying upside down was mildly amusing.
Q - What would happen if Iowa donated it's lower tier of counties to Missouri?
A - The IQ of both states would go up 10 points.
Q - Why does the the wind always blow from the north, in Iowa?
A - Because Missouri sucks.
Q - If a Kentucky couple got a divorce, would they still be brother and sister?
Q - What do you call a multiple car fatal accident in Maryland?
A - A good start.
06 November 2003, 00:50
Dr. MichaelOh 120! It looks like you definitely sustantiated the intial comment about Iowa. However, why do you insist on re-affirming it? It is usually better to remain silent and be thought an idiot, rather than speak up and remove all doubt. ;-)
Have a great day!
Doc
good old fashion Georgia redneck
06 November 2003, 05:20
<reloaderman>[
quote:
Originally posted by 120mm:
[qb]Iowa - The most literate state in the union
Iowa - The most highly educated, per capita, state of the union.
Do illiterate people get the full benifit of aphabet soup? ![[Wink]](images/icons/wink.gif)
06 November 2003, 06:00
375hnhwhat do a divorce in Arkansas, and a tornado in Missouri have in common?
Somebody's fixin ta lose them a mobile home!
DGK
06 November 2003, 07:43
Plinker603The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged a highly secret plan they had funded with the U.S. auto makers for the past five years. The NTSB covertly funded a project whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four wheel drive pick-up trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2% of fatal crashes were, "Oh Shit!" Only the state of West Virginia was different, where 89.3% of the final words were, "Hey Y'all, watch this!"
Plinker603
06 November 2003, 12:38
<yorick>Whats the best thing that comes out of Iowa?
....I35
...........alternatively......an empty bus....
Why does does the cold arctic air always blow through MN?
....Iowa sucks
Iowa...at least it's easy to spell....
An Iowan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."
What do you call a good looking girl in Iowa?
....a tourist....
Did you hear about that power outage at the mall in Ames (Iowa) ?
...40 people were stuck on the escalator for 3 hours....
[ 11-06-2003, 03:58: Message edited by: yorick ]07 November 2003, 02:38
120mmWhy are Georgians in-bred?
Because fucking your sister outside is immodest and the bugs'll get you.
Why does the wind come from the north in Iowa?
Because Minnesota blows
And one just for "Dr." Michael: Mommy, what's a sustantiated?
Why do most southerners have family trees that look like flag poles?
Hey, this IS fun. And therapeutic. And for "Dr." Michael, "therapeutic" is one of those "medical" words.
[ 11-06-2003, 17:49: Message edited by: 120mm ]07 November 2003, 02:50
Unstablehow do you circumsize someone from Virginia
kick his sister in the chin.
07 November 2003, 04:30
Dago RedUnstable,
that one deserved a reply, it got me laughing good.
A newlywed arkansas couple go home after the wedding and are about to consumate the wedding when the bride warns him,"now be gentle, I'm a virgin."
The groom gets wide eyed, rushes to yank his pants on and runs out of the house and all the way home. He gets home out of breath and his dad asks,"what's the matter?!"
"I just found out she's a virgin!" he reply's. The father says firmly,"well, if she ain't good enough for her own family she ain't good enough for ours!"
How about some Kalifornia jokes? anybody have some?
Red
07 November 2003, 04:35
rick3foxesWhy do Iowa schools never teach Driver's Ed and Sex Ed on the same days?
It wears out the mules.
07 November 2003, 08:24
muzzleAt the expense of pissing of 120MM. Not a joke. Iowa State University just funded a bondage club on campus.
07 November 2003, 09:41
loud-n-boomerWhy are there so few jokes about California?
A)Because living here is no laughing matter!
B) Because the whole state is one big joke!
C) We don't need others to make us the butt of jokes, we do a good enough job of that ourselves!
08 November 2003, 00:04
120mmMy alma mater. Good old I.S. (tie up and spank) U.
And the "funny" Iowa jokes I don't mind. Or the "unfunny" ones. It's the stupid ones that deserve a kick in the teeth from yours truly.
08 November 2003, 00:08
FordfreakQ Why do they mow the grass with electric lawnmowers in Ohio?
A So they can follow the cord back home.
Fordfreak
08 November 2003, 02:00
Big_RAlright, a California joke:
Why is California like a bowl of granola?
If you remove the fruits and nuts, all you have left are flakes.
08 November 2003, 09:16
WHELENATICMy favorite one from my tour in the Army:
P ictured
A nd
N amed
A fter
M y
A sshole
[ 11-08-2003, 00:18: Message edited by: WHELENATIC ]08 November 2003, 12:43
muckHow do we know that the TOOTH BRUSH was invented in Kentucky?
If it had been any where else they would have named it the TEETH BRUSH!
muck
09 November 2003, 07:39
Max503Hey 120mm,
Peace bro. I'm from right across the river in IL. I've got a brother in Iowa, and I've had several good corn-fed girl friends come out of Iowa. I use that joke to razz my buddies from Iowa. If someone is hot-headed enough to truely get offended by a joke like that, then they have no business owning a gun.
Max503
15 November 2003, 05:37
J.W. BluteFordfreak, (My Michigan neighbor)
How many Michigan fans does it take to grease a combine?
2………
But you have to run’em through slow.
15 November 2003, 13:31
redialI once described Nebraska as "The Gateway to Kansas". My relatives in Omaha were not amused.
Butt clenchers.
Redial
19 November 2003, 06:35
poletaxFolks over in Huntington,W.VA. built em a new bridge across the Ohio river to Chesapeake, Ohio.The 'Buckeyes' thought this was great cos now they can swim across in the shade.
20 November 2003, 05:19
Saeed1. An Iranian arrived in New York, and the immigration officer was giving him a very hard time.
Iranian: New York is the ass hole of teh world!
Immigration officer: Yes sir, are you just passing through?
2. And while IOwa seems to be on the receiveing end today, here is one more.
Why can't you circumsize men from Iowa?
There is no end to those pricks!
3. An Arab, and Englishman and a Jew were sitting in the train.
A fly comes and lands on the Englishman's shoulder.
"Get off you filthy creature" brushing it off.
The fly lands on the Arab's shoulder. He catches it, and puts it in his mouth and eats it.
A few minutes later, another fly comes along and lands on the Jewish man's shoulder.
He catches it, and turning to the Arab, says, "want to buy a fly?"
4. What do you call a black lady with braces?
A Black & Decker Pecker Wrecker.
20 November 2003, 06:58
Grizzly AlbertQ: What is a Louisiana house party?
A: A celebration when they take the wheels off of the house
20 November 2003, 08:36
FjoldIf the Alamo had a backdoor, Texas would still belong to Mexico.
20 November 2003, 17:01
The_Macallanquote:
Originally posted by browningguy:
I guess some people don't like jokes.
Now THAT'S funny!
21 November 2003, 03:28
Grizzly AlbertQ: Whats the difference between a coon ass and a horse's ass?
A: The Sabine River
22 November 2003, 14:51
mdv1statelouisiana state motto "at least we're not alabama"
iowa state motto "we're a bunch of assholes"
06 December 2003, 01:30
Edmondquote:
Originally posted by nelsonted:
Why do birds fly across Minnesota upside down? To save their shit for Iowa!
Naw!
they still fly upside down across Iowa, they don't want to see it
06 December 2003, 04:00
Grizzly AlbertHow Auburn graduates practice safe sex?
They get rid of all the animals that bite or kick.
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