A little girl, age five, lives with her parents next to a spacious, open empty lot. One day a crew of workmen shows up and begins digging a house foundation, followed by framing, wiring, etc.

The 5-year-old eventually wanders over and watches the workmen. Soon she's chatting with them. At noontime the men stop to eat and offer the youngster a bottle of pop and half a sandich, and they all join in a nice conversation about the morning's progress. This routine goes on more or less all week, and late Friday afternoon the crew foreman comes over, hands the little girl an envelope with five one-dollar bills in it (a buck donated by each worker), tells her it's her week's pay, and thanks her for being such a good employee.

The kid goes home, shows her mother the money. Next morning mom and daughter go down to the local bank and open a savings account in the youngster's name. The bank teller, with a wink at mom, says to the little girl: "Well, this is quite a good start. And will you be working again this week?"

The little girl, clutching her deposit receipt, replies: "Well, I will be, if that frigging Home Depot truck driver shows up before lunchtime with the goddam drywall."

derf

Sometimes that happens...a long, long time ago, when I was five, I ended up spending the winter on a drilling rig. That was long before the safety stuff we have today, and I spent countless hours in the dog house with my nose pressed against the window, watching the guys on the floor. Not surprisingly, some of the rig hands thought it would be fun to teach me every cuss word known to man...

One fine day the guy who owned the rig (a well known Albertan named Peter Bawden) came to the wellsite and, as a prank, put a big cardboard box over me and held it down so I couldn't get out. Naturally, I proceeded to set him straight with about five minutes worth of my finest rig-pig english .. ..no doubt to the delight of the crew!

As a result, I spent the balance of the winter with my Grandparents, back in town, where I had my mouth washed out with soap on a very regular basis...

Come to think of it, I made a few dollars that winter as well. I'd do anything for ten cents...pee in somebodies boot...steal a pie from the kitchen...put a whole box of Blue Cheer in the campies washing machine (the foam came all the way out the door!)...fill hardhats with water and set them out to freeze solid... ...I guess I was a kind of a little contract terrorist, but I sure liked those dimes I got for doing it! My Mom couldn't figure out where in hell I was getting all that money.

Little Mary loved ice cream cones. One hot summer day, little Bobby comes up to mary as says, if you let me look at you thing, I'll give you a dime. She thinks about it and says OK. TYhey go behind some bushes and she lets him have a look at her privates.
A little later on, little Billy comes up and says, I'll give you a dime if you let me look at your thing. After a short time thinking. they go behind the bushes and Billy gets his look at what makes girls different.
Now mary is thinking that if she could scrounge up another nickel, sh could get an ice cream cone.
About this time, little Joey comes up tp her and propositions her to have a peek, and he's sorry but he only has a nickel. She says OK and does the deed for Joey.
A short while later, she is sitting on the curb, dangling her feet into a nice cool puddle, when she sees the reflection of he bare bottom. She says, damn it, If you had teeth, I'd give you a bite you little moneymaker.
Paul B.

Hey Tumbleweed -- I think I've crossed your path...

Summer of 1955 I was driving from Wisconsin to Anchorage (like going to the moon, today) and on the outskirts of Calgary (where the night sky was lit up by burning gas atop scores of oil rigs), this little girl -- in my headlights she was wearing what appeared to be suspenders on her nightgown --tossed a live cat out in front of my Chevy BelAir. The tires went thump/thump. I stopped, backed up; the roadkill maker was long gone, but not so the cat.

So tell me: was that you on some dare? If so, are cats evermore scarce around Calgary? And finally, emboldened at this late hour as I am, are you male or female?

Mouski...

Thoroughly male.. ...never wear suspenders over my nightgown...never toss cats out for roadkill. They usually commit hara kiri on the first cold fall morning by kindly running themselves through the fan belt...must have been my sister!

That reminds me a joke my father (who was union bricklayer) told me years ago.

A young lad was sitting on the floor playing with his building blocks and not having much success building a stable structure. The youngster's dad suggests that the boy walk down the street to a construction site and see how its done.

So, the boy spends the day watching the bricklayers. He comes home and starts to play with his blocks. He turns to an imaginary friend and says "Pass me my f--ng trowel." "Hey hurry up, I need some more G-D mortar"

The father is shocked, and says, "Young man pick up your blocks, put them away and go straight to your room." The youngster turns to his dad and says "Pick-em up yourself, I'm not a G-D laborer."

AW you guys! My old mother is gonna shit one of them bricks laughing when she reads all of your replies. derf