I'm doing this especially 'cuz there are a few Scanahoovians who visit this board (including myself - that's why there are no Lars jokes!!!)
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Sven and Ole were out hunting and got so hopelessly lost. Sven said you shouldn't walk around because you tend to walk in circles. Stay in one place, shoot three times into the air, wait 15 minutes for someone to find you. They did this and noon came so they shot into the air one more time and waited 15 minutes more. Still nobody came. After trying this a third time with no results, Ole said, "I hope somebody finds us pretty soon, I'm running out of arrows.
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Ole needed to find work, and there was none to be had locally. The only work he could find was up in Alaska working on the pipeline so he kisses his new bride Lena goodbye and goes up to AK. After working several months he finally gets several week vacation, but he is last in line to collect his pay and when he is ready he finds out the plane has already left, and there won't be another one for quite some time. Naturally he is very disturbed by this but in a moment he goes and gets his skis, then heads out for home. Well wouldn't you know it, in about 5 days Ole has skied halfway across Canada and arrives home!

The local newspaper hears about this amazing feat and sends a reporter out to get the story, and the reporter asks Ole what was the first thing he did when he got home after such an amazing feat of endurance. Ole thinks a minute then says with a smile, "First thing I do is make love to Lena!" Well of course there is no way the reporter is going to write that in the paper, so he tells Ole it is a family paper, so how about telling him the second thing he did. Ole thinks for another minute then says "The second thing I did, was make love to Lena!" So the reporter says again about the family newspaper and all, then asks Ole to just tell him the third thing he did. Ole thinks for a minute again and says "The third thing I did, was take off my skis!"
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When Ole moved north he discovered that he was the only Lutheran in his new little town of all Catholics. That was okay, but the neighbors had a problem with his barbecuing venison every Friday. Since they couldn't eat meat on Friday, the attempting aroma was getting the best of them.

Hoping they could do something to stop this, the Neighbors got together and went over to talk to Ole, Eventually convincing him to joining their church. The big day came and the priest had Ole kneel. He put his hand on Ole's head and said, "Ole, you were born a Lutheran, you were raised a Lutheran, and now," he said as he sprinkled some incense over Ole's head, "now you are a Catholic!"

Ole was happy and the neighbors were happy. But The following Friday evening at suppertime, there was Again the aroma of grilled deer steaks coming from Ole's yard. The neighbors went to talk to him about this and as they approached the fence, they heard Ole saying "You were born a whitetail, you were raised a whitetail, and now," he said as he sprinkled seasoning salt over the choice tenderloin cut," now you are a fish!"
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Sven, while working in the sawmill, leaned in too close to the saw one day, and the blade cleanly cut off his ear. The doctor in the emergency ward said the cut was clean and the ear could be replaced if bought in soon enough. Ole went back to the mill, dug thru the sawdust and found an ear, which he immediately took to the hospital. Sven took one look at it and said "Naw that ain't the right one, my ear had a pencil behind it."
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Ole and Lena are engaged to be married, and decide to combine the nuptials with a deer hunting trip to Minnesota. They clamber on a converted school bus with Oley's buddies and head up I.35 out of Dirty Ankle, Iowa. After half an hour a tie-rod breaks. Oley says: "Lena, lets you and me go hoff into da bushes and have a quickie." Lena says: "Oley, you know ve cant do dat." Oley's pals get the bus repaired and an hour later the radiator blows. Again, Oley begs Lena to go off in a corn field. Lena again declines. Up the highway a third breakdown -- two flat tires. Lena says: "Oley, quick -- let's go into da voods dere and have a quickie." Oley is flabbergasted. "Vat's come over you, Lena?" Lena says: "Vell, Oley, I heard da fellas talking a minute ago, and dey said if dis bus breaks down vun more time, da focking season vill be over!"
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A fellow stopped at a gas station and after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink.

He stood by his car drinking his cola and watched two men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole 2 or 3 feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind him and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole the other was about 25 feet behind filling in the old hole."Hey, guys, can you tell me what's going on here with the digging, eh?" "You betcha, pye jimminy! I'm Sven und dis is Ole, und ve're union and ve verk for de state of Minne-soda!" Aren't you wasting the state's money?" the man asked.

"Bye jimminy, you yust don't unnerstan', mister" Ole said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Most a usual, there's t'ree of us--me, Sven und Arnold. I dig the hole, Arnold sticks in der tree, und Sven here puts dat dirt back in der hole. Und yust a'cause Arnold's sick, Dat don't mean that Sven und me don't got to verk sum!"

I especiallly like the Lutheran and Catholics one. Very funny.

I think them boys really work for the state here in West Viginia !!!

Ole, Lars and Sven had been going to the Sons of Norway hall meeting as long as there had been a hall. And every month, wouldn't ya know it, they didn't win a prize in the monthly drawing. That is until the last meeting. Sven was the first one of the three to get his name drawn. He won two pounds of spaghetti sauce, four boxes of noodles, and three pounds of Swedish meatballs. Ole had his name drawn next. He got himself round trip tickets to Duluth, a nights stay at the Dew Drop Inn and a pair of tickets to see the Inger triplets Polka Ensemble. Ole thought that he had died and gone to heaven. Lars was the last one to have his name drawn, he won a toilet brush. At the next monthly meeting, they sat down together to check out how they had fared for the past month. Sven said "Uff da, I had dat pasghetti for tree days. It was so good, and Helga didn't have to buy food for them dere tree days." Ole said "Lena was so happy vhen I brought home dem tickets. The trip up to Duluth was nice, we got to ride da Greyhound, and you know, they got a built in outhouse on dat dere bus. And the Inger Triplets, if I didn't know better, I would swear dey were sisters." Then Ole turned to Lars, and asked him how his prize worked out. Lars looks at them both and says "Dat dere toilet brush is nice, but I tink I'll go back to using paper."

Ah! Scandanavian Pat and Mick.

Great stuff. Reminds me of when my Swedish uncles were alive and kept us rolling with stories like these.

This is the biggest thing I miss about Minnesota !!!

Ole finally gets enough time off of work in the Iron Ore mines in Hibbing to go and visit his cousin Sven in DuLut'.

Sven meets Ole at the bus station.

"so vatcha vant to do all veek here Ole?" asks Sven/

" vell" says Ole " I vant to drink a lot of beer and find me the first vomen I met and shack up vit her all veek!"

" Vell Okay" say Sven.

At that moment, Ole spies a woman coming up the side walk toward them. " Dar she be Sven" says Ole.

" Forget dat one Ole" says Sven. " Dat girl, she is a Lesbian"

" No vay" says Ole! " I don't care"

So Ole walks up to the girl with a big smile on his face, " So Baby, hows tings in Beirut dis veek?"