PoliticsWorld

Pope loses will to live after meeting JD Vance


The Pope has died a few hours after meeting JD Vance, with Vatican officials saying the Pope lost the will to live after a brief meeting with the Vice President.

After the brief audience, the Pope was heard to mutter, “Christ, we’re all doomed, absolutely doomed,” before adding, “what’s the bloody point?”

Although the meeting lasted only a few minutes, Vatican insiders explained that an audience with such a high-profile member of the Trump regime, up close and personal, was enough to convince the Pope that it was time to leave this mortal coil.

Speculation is now mounting as to whether Vance might face manslaughter charges if lawyers can prove that sucking all hope from a room is technically a crime.

US officials have been quick to defend the Vice President, insisting that removing all hope for humanity is just part of the job for anyone inside the Trump administration.

. . . they say that for something to be funny it has to have an element of truth.

https://theonion.com/salvadora...rongly-deported-man/

Salvadoran President Claims He Lacks Humanity To Return Wrongly Deported Man

Published April 14, 2025

WASHINGTON—During a visit with President Donald Trump at the White House, El Salvador’s president Nayib Bukele claimed Monday that he “lacks the humanity” to return wrongly deported legal U.S. resident Kilmar Abrego Garcia back to America.

“How can I return an innocent man to the United States when I don’t have the ability to feel empathy or compassion?” said Bukele, explaining that he’s consulted with his top advisors about the 29-year-old Maryland father being held in a Salvadoran prison, but none of them could find it in their hearts to care at all about the man’s situation.

“Do you hear how ridiculous it sounds to expect that I could see myself reflected in another human being’s experience? Even if I wanted to, there’s no way I could acknowledge the plight of someone who is suffering because I am completely numb to the pain of others. My hands are tied because I’m totally dead inside.”

At press time, President Trump had publicly thanked Bukele for his use of cruelty to project a facade of strength.

https://babylonbee.com/news/da...eeting-with-jd-vance

Dalai Lama Quietly Cancels Scheduled Meeting With JD Vance
World
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Apr 21, 2025 · BabylonBee.com

DHARAMSHALA — After the sad news broke that Pope Francis had passed away just hours after meeting the U.S. Vice President, the Dalai Lama quietly canceled his scheduled meeting with JD Vance.

Though the Dalai Lama's representatives said publicly that the timing of the cancellation was just a coincidence, sources close to the religious leader privately disclosed that the revered Tibetan Buddhist figure simply did not want to die.

"His Holiness the Dalai Lama realized he was double-booked," said a spokesmonk. "He was looking forward to meeting Vice President Vance and hopes to do so someday, but he forgot that he was supposed to go to that one place and meet someone and talk about something. It's important and has nothing to do with today's unfortunate news about Pope Francis."

Vice President Vance's office confirmed the cancellation and expressed optimism that the meeting could be rescheduled. The Dalai Lama's representatives said they would totally get back to them.

"Oh, yeah, definitely," the spokesmonk continued. "His Holiness the Dalai Lama will absolutely meet him at some point and is in no way fearing for his life. That would be silly. I mean, it's not as if it freaked us all out that the pope died just hours after meeting him. That didn't even enter our minds. It's just a scheduling conflict. His Holiness just needs to wash his hair that day. Here's hoping they can eventually meet after His Holiness has lived for many, many more years. Please don't tell Vice President Vance where we are, thank you."

At publishing time, President Trump had made an urgent request to have Vice President Vance meet with Nancy Pelosi as soon as possible.

After JD explained the hypocrisy of his policies..... He decided to croak.....

Go figger????

quote:

Apr 21, 2025 · BabylonBee.com

DHARAMSHALA — After the sad news broke that Pope Francis had passed away just hours after meeting the U.S. Vice President, the Dalai Lama quietly canceled his scheduled meeting with JD Vance.

Though the Dalai Lama's representatives said publicly that the timing of the cancellation was just a coincidence, sources close to the religious leader privately disclosed that the revered Tibetan Buddhist figure simply did not want to die.