0615, daybreak. 19 degrees. frost on everything.
You are 32 feet up a white pine when the deer chili from last night finally sounds the alarm.
Suddenly the activity starts. you see 3 doe trotting at a steady gate. the last one looking behind her.
the barking of squirrels in the distance as the first turd starts to crown.
You choice?
#1 Start the long painfull butt clenching climb down and find a log to deposite your fodder.
#2 Clench those butt cheeks up tight as you can and hope for a buck to come along , QUICK.
#3 Shit your pants, respray yourself w/ pine scent and await the berateing you'll get back at camp.
#4 and the most dangerous. Pull of your pants and try not to drop them. hang your ass off your shooting rail and attempt to shit w/o covering yourself, the rail, your backpack and rifle with feces, wipe your ass w/ your underwear, then cut some fresh pine limbs and drop them to the ground hopeing that the cold will keep the smell to a min.
So would you take the shit?

I think you might worry WAY too much about some things. This is probably to each his own.

quote:

Originally posted by KSTEPHENS:
0615, daybreak. 19 degrees. frost on everything.
You are 32 feet up a white pine when the deer chili from last night finally sounds the alarm.
Suddenly the activity starts. you see 3 doe trotting at a steady gate. the last one looking behind her.
the barking of squirrels in the distance as the first turd starts to crown.
You choice?
#1 Start the long painfull butt clenching climb down and find a log to deposite your fodder.
#2 Clench those butt cheeks up tight as you can and hope for a buck to come along , QUICK.
#3 Shit your pants, respray yourself w/ pine scent and await the berateing you'll get back at camp.
#4 and the most dangerous. Pull of your pants and try not to drop them. hang your ass off your shooting rail and attempt to shit w/o covering yourself, the rail, your backpack and rifle with feces, wipe your ass w/ your underwear, then cut some fresh pine limbs and drop them to the ground hopeing that the cold will keep the smell to a min.
So would you take the shit?

and while your pants are around your ankles and you're reaching for the toilet paper, a huge trophy whitetail steps out into a meadow......

Somebody that finally askes the questions that run through my mind! Now thats scarry!! I think that if you're old enough, you'll be wearing Depends anyway, so just let it flow and sit tight!.......wapiti7

Although I got a wonderful chuckle out of this, I sure have to wonder if some of us have too much free time...

I love it...

Someone really needed to do a parody of all the "do you take the shot?" posts.

Thank you!

AD

It is November, 1998. I have not been in the stand for more than 30 minutes.

I do not risk scaring anything by the stand, so I make a trip down the dirt path to the CRP field about 100 yards away.

It was only #1 that took me away from my lofty perch. Way too much coffee this morning ... I can still feel the relief to this day. There is no wind at all, the sun has just come up, it is bitterly cold. I stand with the sun in my face warming my skin, eyes closed ... ahhhh, life is good.

Enough of this, I need to get back in the stand, the deer will be moving, this is prime time.

I open my eyes to see a gorgeous 12 pt Whitetail.

What do I do next?

Fall down. Still not sure why, but it put me in a good sitting position. I fold out the bipod and the 147" Buck hits the dirt.

Yes, life is good.

Every serious hunter with lots of "stand time" has encountered the swme question!! Be careful what you eat.



the chef

quote:

Originally posted by KSTEPHENS:
0615, daybreak. 19 degrees. frost on everything.
You are 32 feet up a white pine when the deer chili from last night finally sounds the alarm.
Suddenly the activity starts. you see 3 doe trotting at a steady gate. the last one looking behind her.
the barking of squirrels in the distance as the first turd starts to crown.
You choice?
#1 Start the long painfull butt clenching climb down and find a log to deposite your fodder.
#2 Clench those butt cheeks up tight as you can and hope for a buck to come along , QUICK.
#3 Shit your pants, respray yourself w/ pine scent and await the berateing you'll get back at camp.
#4 and the most dangerous. Pull of your pants and try not to drop them. hang your ass off your shooting rail and attempt to shit w/o covering yourself, the rail, your backpack and rifle with feces, wipe your ass w/ your underwear, then cut some fresh pine limbs and drop them to the ground hopeing that the cold will keep the smell to a min.
So would you take the shit?

Alright, I admit it, I laughed my ass off. That was too funny and the reason is simple. That same dang scenario has happened to me, even the deer chili part!!!

Thanks for the laugh.

I stood took my boots off and tied the laces together then hung them over the right side of the stand. i then stood up and pulled of, yes completly, my overalls hanging them with the boots. i then tightened up my saftey harness and turned around using the shooting rail as a seat (ala shitting rail). i wiped with a package of kleenex and using my rubber gloves put the used tissue inside another rubber glove. i then put my overalls back on, put my boots back on and finished out my hunt.
at around noon i climbed down and jumped into my own shit when exiting the stand.

I carry toilet paper in my backpack/fannypack and in at least two seperate pockets of my clothes. I can remember peeling off the coveralls at 5:30 am and -10 degrees at 11,000 feet in Colorado in two feet of snow.

When you have to, you have to.

Here in Texas we do a lot of hunting out of blinds. One of the guys I hunt with is pretty anal in that he built his blind 6' x 6' so he would have plenty of room in case of that very emergency. We call it the cadillac stand. He keeps a 5 gallon bucket and a toilet seat in his blind. He even has a fixture for the toilet paper.
GWB

Well I usually try to be careful of what I have to eat and how much I eat the night before a hunt. Getting up early enough to at least try to do your business before the hunt is also a good thing to do.

Just remember, Forrest Gump's mama was wrong! Life is not like a box of chocolates! Life is like a jar of jalapenos! What you do today can come back to burn your @$$ tomorrow!!!

Pinch the loaf from atop your tree stand. Wipe your ass on the tree bark and get on with it!

No brainer. Hell, my bird dogs and I both enjoy taking shit will hunting.

Be prepared: In the morning, take a "Tylenol #3". The 30 mg. codeine in that tablet will slow your colonic peristalsis, such that any need to poop will be inhibited. Effects should wear off by evening. Don't overdose; constipation will result.

Had a friend who was probably the most successful pot hunter I ever met. He took a lovely West Virginia buck with a 30-06 Remington 760 some years ago ... with his pants down around his ankles ... during just such a situation.

Haven't seen him for years. Randall is/was quite a hunter!

quote:

Originally posted by mstarling:
Had a friend who was probably the most successful pot hunter I ever met. He took a lovely West Virginia buck with a 30-06 Remington 760 some years ago ... with his pants down around his ankles ... during just such a situation.

Lends a whole new meaning to the phrase "squeeze off the shot"!

My second buck taken many years ago got pissed on by me before he was shot! I had to take a whizz badly...either take it or wet my pants...it was bad. I get on my knees 30' up in the stand, unzip, and let loose. Imagine my surprise when spike buck jumps (and runs) like he had been struck by lightning directly underneath my stand...being young and dumb, I had not seen him underneath me...I grab my rifle with my pecker hanging out and managed to shoot the poor buck about 40 yards out. Still shaking, I put my best friend back in my pants and go collect my buck....true story.

Like the others have said...if you spend any time in the deer stand, you will eventually have a story like that.

KStephens: where ya from? My family is originally from up that way...I was just up there a couple of weeks ago sprinkling my dad's ashes over his old homeplace, now 50' under water. I live in SW Georgia now. Take it easy.

Sheer genius... LOL

I'm #2, for #2

Let er rip,,,, tater chip

Guess one never knows when the "call" needs to be answered, or what "lurks" at the "calling place"..........
It was a very warm September afternoon. The early bowhunt was in full swing. Not a creature was stirring so I, in full gillie camo decided to take a nice little nap inside a thick growth of Mtn. Mahogany. Sometime into my nap, was awakened by curious grunting. I opened my eyes to see a big brown-eyed cyclops!!!!! I SCREAMED
HEEEYYY!!! The guy was 'bout to lay a load on me!!! I thought I would load-up my own pants, laughing. The guy just "duck-walked" into the brush and disappered; himself laughing.....

LMAO!

quote:

Originally posted by ldkier:
Guess one never knows when the "call" needs to be answered, or what "lurks" at the "calling place"..........
It was a very warm September afternoon. The early bowhunt was in full swing. Not a creature was stirring so I, in full gillie camo decided to take a nice little nap inside a thick growth of Mtn. Mahogany. Sometime into my nap, was awakened by curious grunting. I opened my eyes to see a big brown-eyed cyclops!!!!! I SCREAMED
HEEEYYY!!! The guy was 'bout to lay a load on me!!! I thought I would load-up my own pants, laughing. The guy just "duck-walked" into the brush and disappered; himself laughing.....

i wouldnt have shit, for a week.

quote:

Originally posted by KSTEPHENS:

So would you take the shit?

One of my hunting partners was hidden in a little ridgetop bowl waiting for a Montana antelope when he felt moved, went up over the edge of the bowl to take care of the matter and thereupon saw a band of antelope within rock-throwing distance. Of course his rifle was back in the bottom of the bowl with his backpack and his lunch. Oh well.

I try to get up in time to drink a cup of strong coffee, that usualy eliminates the problem for me.

I did have to pee from my stand while bowhunting once and had two different small bucks seperately come to investigate. I wish I knew how to duplicate that attractant. Most interesting was that both, as soon as they sniffed the wet spot, looked strait up at me somehow knowing exactly were it came from.

If I even think I might have to "pinch a loaf" while up in a stand, I skip it and ground hunt. That or wait, and head to the stand later. Although, I can admit to once or twice calling it a day and coming down early.

I can also add, have some sympathy for fighter pilots stuck in a small cockpit for hours on end and having a slight case of diarrhea... There is no place to lean over and go; just to sit and stew....
(from stories my dad told me)

PS- some of those guys vomit more than you would think too, and have to live with that as well in there. I've heard many radio calls asking for an aircraft to be met on the ramp with a cloth/sponge and a bucket of water..

I remember it well. It was back in 1949, Labor Day weekend. I was all of 11 years old and on my first ever deer hunt. They had my dad and me sitting on a pile of lava rocks while they did a drive hoping to run one past us.
Well, being a kid and having what must have been one hell of an adrenaline rush, naturally I had go. I climbed down off the rock pile, Winchester M94 30-30 in one hand and a roll of film for the Brownie in the other and found a convenient bush to set the rifle against and proceeded to do the deed. I hear a noise of to my right and here comes a nice 4x4 buck completely oblivious to me presence. (Guess the wind must have been just right.) Still squatting, I reach over, grab the 30-30, thumb the hammer back and shoot the deer in the back of the head. Several things happened all at once. One, the rifle, held improperly slapped my on the jaw, trhe deer dropped DRT and the recoil dropped my right in the smelly mess I'd recently deposited. Well, it took a full roll of film for the Brownie, two canteens of water and my under shirt to clean me up, but I got my deer. You can only imagine the ribbing I got back at camp.
The part that really amazes me is, I was shaking so damn bad trying to aim at that deer that it had to be luck all round. Good luck for me and bad luck for that deer.
Paul B.

That's why I Always carry "OppS!! I crapped my pants"!!! Be sure to check out the hunters scented "Opps! I crapped my pants" coming out this year.

I figure; If one has to make a decision to hunt or shit; forgot to shit in the first place. probably forgot the "bung fodder" too!!!
What do 'ya do?? Trade the shirt tail of your favorite huntin' shirt, or cash in the couple of 1's, 10's or twentys in your wallet? How 'bout the hunting license....In WA. State it would be worth it as far as the huntin' goes....Oh, YES..picture of an old girlfriend/boyfriend or former spouse. The resources are endless..

Don't eat chili before or during a hunt and never wash it down with cheap whiskey and beer.

quote:

Originally posted by KSTEPHENS:
0615, daybreak. 19 degrees. frost on everything.
You are 32 feet up a white pine when the deer chili from last night finally sounds the alarm.
Suddenly the activity starts. you see 3 doe trotting at a steady gate. the last one looking behind her.
the barking of squirrels in the distance as the first turd starts to crown.
You choice?
#1 Start the long painfull butt clenching climb down and find a log to deposite your fodder.
#2 Clench those butt cheeks up tight as you can and hope for a buck to come along , QUICK.
#3 Shit your pants, respray yourself w/ pine scent and await the berateing you'll get back at camp.
#4 and the most dangerous. Pull of your pants and try not to drop them. hang your ass off your shooting rail and attempt to shit w/o covering yourself, the rail, your backpack and rifle with feces, wipe your ass w/ your underwear, then cut some fresh pine limbs and drop them to the ground hopeing that the cold will keep the smell to a min.
So would you take the shit?

Too funny...

The question remains, "WWHCD" (What Would Hot Core Do)...

quote:

Originally posted by Brad:

quote:

Originally posted by KSTEPHENS:
0615, daybreak. 19 degrees. frost on everything.
You are 32 feet up a white pine when the deer chili from last night finally sounds the alarm.
Suddenly the activity starts. you see 3 doe trotting at a steady gate. the last one looking behind her.
the barking of squirrels in the distance as the first turd starts to crown.
You choice?
#1 Start the long painfull butt clenching climb down and find a log to deposite your fodder.
#2 Clench those butt cheeks up tight as you can and hope for a buck to come along , QUICK.
#3 Shit your pants, respray yourself w/ pine scent and await the berateing you'll get back at camp.
#4 and the most dangerous. Pull of your pants and try not to drop them. hang your ass off your shooting rail and attempt to shit w/o covering yourself, the rail, your backpack and rifle with feces, wipe your ass w/ your underwear, then cut some fresh pine limbs and drop them to the ground hopeing that the cold will keep the smell to a min.
So would you take the shit?

Too funny...

The question remains, "WWHCD" (What Would Hot Core Do)...

how ya been brad?
Cohiba.