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What Is the Meaning of Life?

David E. Petzal shares the most valuable lessons he’s learned during his lifetime in the outdoors


By David E. Petzal
December 25, 2019



I’ve been around awhile. When I was born, there were men alive who had fought in the Civil War. I can remember bits and pieces of World War II, and I clearly remember life before television. I bought my first rifle in 1956, began shooting in organized competition in 1958, and got my first hunting license in 1960. After 70-some years of fart­ing around on this planet, mostly out of doors, I can’t exactly tell you the meaning of it all. But as it says in the insurance ad, I know a thing or two because I’ve seen a thing or two. Here’s some of it.



1. Hunters, more than other people, are reverential of life because they know far better than others how difficult it is to stay alive, and how ­suddenly life can end.

2. There’s no worse experience than putting down a dog. She would die for you, and now she’s dying because of you.



3. Big-game hunting is the great leveler among men. Either you can climb the mountain or you can’t; either you can shoot or you can’t; ­either you hold up your end or you don’t. Money, education, and social standing have no ­bearing on any of this.

4. Nothing in the outdoors gets your attention like a grizzly paw print with water still oozing into it.

5. According to anthropologists, Neanderthals never built big fires to sit around and swap stories, which is one of the reasons why they vanished and our ancestors did not.



6. The best judges of ­character I have met are African trackers. Their assessments are ­brutal. One hunter with a drinking problem became “Bwana Ginni Bottle.” Of Robert ­Ruark they said, “He has bad legs and much fear.” To ­paraphrase Hamlet: Of all the people in the world, you do not want a bad review from them.

7. The great, unspoken allure of true wilderness, in an era when we are trying to remove all risk from life, is that if you screw up in it, you can die in it.

8. When The Moment comes, your armored, shockproof, waterproof, SEAL-approved $75 butane survival lighter will go click…click…click…click…click…click….



9. Scent is the great memory jogger of the outdoors. If you smell an elk ­wallow, your hair will stand up ­every time you scent one thereafter.

10. You may have the hardest body in your gym, but you’re not going to be able to keep up with someone who runs up mountains as a regular thing, even if they’re 30 years older and smoke three packs a day.

11. Ecstasy can be defined as how you feel when you’ve gotten your critter and can stay in your sleeping bag while all the other poor ­bastards who haven’t ­gotten theirs are rolling out at 3:30 a.m.



12. Hunting and fishing are, at their core, sports of solitude, and they will end when enough shitheads decide that nothing is worth Being Out of Touch.

13. Some of the ­greatest thinking takes place in bathrooms. If I’m told by people that they read my stuff in the john, I take it as a ­compliment.

14. Being afraid is a waste of time, in the outdoors or anywhere else. What bites you in the ass is going to be something you never worried about.

15. There comes a moment in the life of every hunter or angler when intuition blossoms and they Catch On. In my case, this held for hunting but not for flyfishing. I became an acceptable caster but remained baffled about everything else. If this happens to you, accept it. You don’t have a choice.

16. True marksmanship requires a tranquil mind. I’ve never met an angry man who was a good shot.

17. When Homo sapiens is ­finally gone, Earth will give a shudder of relief and clean ­itself up again, just as it ­always has, over and over, in its 4.6 billion years.

18. A long time ago, I read the words: “Like most brave men, he was also kind.” Experience has proved this out. The sons of bitches you meet usually have a yellow streak, in addition to being sons of bitches.

19. I’ve been writing for Field & Stream since 1972 and am proudest of the fact that every time I’ve made a mistake, the readers have caught it.

20. Hospitals ask you to describe your pain on a scale of one to 10, with 10 being unbearable. There is an 11, and you can experience it on any horseback ride longer than one-tenth of a mile.

21. If you want to be a legend in your own time, never say a word about your accomplishments; let others do it for you.

22. “Thank you” is the most ­useful phrase in any language. That’s why I learned to say it in Spanish, French, German, Italian, Swedish, Shona, Russian, ­Kikuyu, and Afrikaans.

23. For those who would be writers, here is a golden rule: Keep your big mouth shut and listen.

24. In New Zealand, a South ­African told me that the reason he hunted was to be able to stand alone in the wilderness and be reminded of his own insignificance. Ted Trueblood used to do the same thing by letting the campfire die out as he sat watching the stars.

25. If you’d like to know the true worth of a person, watch how they deal with major disappointment on a big-game hunt.

26. Whenever you leave ­wherever you’ve been, turn and look one last time to engrave in your mind what it looks like, because you’ll probably never see it again.

27. What I’d like as my epitaph: “He had just enough intelligence to appreciate it all.”

AMEN!!

Some excellent pearls of wisdom here... and a couple that made me laugh out loud!

Boys, I can sympathise with 90% of those statements, and if I shut up and listened a bit more, I might even pick up more status on the other ten percent!
#11 hits a certain bone with me. Seems like if I do fill my elk tag it's always the last or second last day of the hunt. One of my most memorable hunts was where I shot my bull opening day. Slept in late, sat around feeding the stove, and just doing nothing but relaxing in the outdoors. Later in the day I would take the fly gear down to the river and catch a few cutthroat and just enjoy nature at it's finest.

quote:

Originally posted by bwanamrm:
Some excellent pearls of wisdom here... and a couple that made me laugh out loud!

And no.2 brought tears to my eyes. I tried to read it to my wife, who has been at every one of our hunting dogs side when that day came, and we both held our dogs and whispered sweet love words to them as they were passing on to doggie heaven. I tried. My eyes read the words, but my mouth couldn't speak. Memories...

Petzal comes across to many as a crotchety old man in Field & Stream, but in real life he is a real gentleman.

quote:

Originally posted by surefire7:

quote:

Originally posted by bwanamrm:
Some excellent pearls of wisdom here... and a couple that made me laugh out loud!

And no.2 brought tears to my eyes. I tried to read it to my wife, who has been at every one of our hunting dogs side when that day came, and we both held our dogs and whispered sweet love words to them as they were passing on to doggie heaven. I tried. My eyes read the words, but my mouth couldn't speak. Memories...

I have been there too many times.I remember each and every one of them and a piece of each one is embedded in my heart.I am sure they will greet us in heaven.

Number 26 is my favorite.

MY WIFE IS TO MIX MY ASHES WITH ALL MY OLD DOGS ASHES AND SCATTER ON THE FARM WHAT I GREW UP

quote:

Originally posted by LHeym500:
Number 26 is my favorite.

+1, and #27 as well...

quote:

Originally posted by katiesguns:
MY WIFE IS TO MIX MY ASHES WITH ALL MY OLD DOGS ASHES AND SCATTER ON THE FARM WHAT I GREW UP

Just the other night, I told my wife I wanted to be cremated.

She made me an appointment for next week.

quote:

Originally posted by OLBIKER:

quote:

Originally posted by surefire7:

quote:

Originally posted by bwanamrm:
Some excellent pearls of wisdom here... and a couple that made me laugh out loud!

And no.2 brought tears to my eyes. I tried to read it to my wife, who has been at every one of our hunting dogs side when that day came, and we both held our dogs and whispered sweet love words to them as they were passing on to doggie heaven. I tried. My eyes read the words, but my mouth couldn't speak. Memories...

I have been there too many times.I remember each and every one of them and a piece of each one is embedded in my heart.I am sure they will greet us in heaven.

Amen!!

quote:

Originally posted by Outdoor Writer:

quote:

Originally posted by katiesguns:
MY WIFE IS TO MIX MY ASHES WITH ALL MY OLD DOGS ASHES AND SCATTER ON THE FARM WHAT I GREW UP

Just the other night, I told my wife I wanted to be cremated.

She made me an appointment for next week.

Well, THAT one did make me laugh!

Fantastic list of observations.

Number 6 for me.
I was in TZ last year and shot miserably early on. Trackers called me Bwana 4 shots. Well deserved.
Later, for some reason, my shooting improved and I made an average shot on a very nice bushbuck. The lead tracker started jumping and then cried as he said he was so happy that “we” killed this big bushbuck. Having a compliment from a tracker is gold. Your PH usual compliments anything other than a gut shot. But a tracker rarely ever passes on a compliment...

#18 rings true, loudly.

Im older than Petzel, and have seen most things come and go, If I never learned but one thing in life it was elk hunting is like masturbation, once you pull the trigger you have damn mess on your hands!

Forgive me I turned 85 this week and seems I lost all moral responsibility..

OK Ray, that made me laugh as hard as Outdoor Writer's post!!

quote:

Originally posted by katiesguns:
MY WIFE IS TO MIX MY ASHES WITH ALL MY OLD DOGS ASHES AND SCATTER ON THE FARM WHAT I GREW UP

Another true dog lover!

Anyone who cannot love/appreciate a faithful dog has no heart.

God's gift to mankind.

The dog and the horse, but not in any particular order...

quote:

Originally posted by dogcat:
Number 6 for me.
I was in TZ last year and shot miserably early on. Trackers called me Bwana 4 shots. Well deserved.
Later, for some reason, my shooting improved and I made an average shot on a very nice bushbuck. The lead tracker started jumping and then cried as he said he was so happy that “we” killed this big bushbuck. Having a compliment from a tracker is gold. Your PH usual compliments anything other than a gut shot. But a tracker rarely ever passes on a compliment...

On the last day of a our hunt in Botswana we came across a warthog, the only animal I'd yet to have had a crack at. He took off running flat out starting at some 60 yards off, headed for the thick brush up ahead and to the right perhaps 150 yards beyond where the animal now headed in earnest.

Now, we weren't really hunting, just enjoying our last day after taking some guinea fowl for a sort-of post big critter hunt wind-down and fun afternoon.
Anyway, my PH handed me the rifle and said, 'shoot him if you can!'

Now, above anything else in my personal hunting world, I'm a wingshooter and admit to priding myself in being a better than average shot--with a *shotgun*, that is. I'd never really tried a shot at a moving big game animal much prior, and definitely not one running in a panic on a full head of steam.

Well, I got that warthog in the scope as he barrel-assed off to about 2 o'clock. I clicked off the safety, led him, kept the barrel moving and squeezed. Click! Rrrrr!

I sent a scowl at my PH and racked a round in the chamber and found the warthog again, this time at maybe 90 yards out. A solid THWACK was heard and you could make out a red splotch on the flank but a bit far back. It didn't drop the warthog however and impossible as it seemed, he sped up.

"YOU HIT HIM WELL BUT SHOOT HIM AGAIN IF YOU CAN BEFORE HE REACHES THAT BRUSH!" Once again I drew a bead on the animal as he left an impressive dust trail in his wake. At maybe 120 yards I sent another at him, and it was like the Kalahari version of the skier wrecking in the intro to the Wide, Wide World of Sports from the 70s/80s. That warthog dropped and must've flipped/rolled about 3 or 4 times before coming to a final rest, again among an impressive cloud
of dust.

The very best part of the memory will always remain the moments after that second shot, as the warthog was dead but still cartwheeling, hearing my wife, the PH, the tracker and driver all literally screaming and whooping and roaring with joy, amazement and probably shock after witnessing this aging bird guy first solidly hitting that old boy as he ran as fast as he could, then absolutely dumping him with the second shot just before he was to have reached the thick brush.

Neither Sam nor Charles, our terrific tracker and driver, had done much more than smile and point and shake hands and talk in polite, hushed tones in all the previous week, but upon seeing that warthog flying through the air arse over teakettle in a giant cloud of dust you'd have thought that they'd just witnessed one of their childhood buddies knocking the winning run into the bleachers in the bottom of the 9th at the World Series or something.

Anyway, sorry for the ramblings, and good list for sure. Thanks for sharing the man's thoughts here.

quote:

Originally posted by Kamo Gari

Anyway, sorry for the ramblings

No need to apologize, that was some of the best “painting of the scene” writing I’ve read in a while. I fell like I was there to witness the whole thing.

Humble thanks, sir.

A good nostalgic story of intersest beats the hell out of the 270 vs. the 30-06 or mines bigger than yours, keep up the good work..