Well Hello again to all.
As some might know my life has been …………..well lets say FUCKED UP!.
I will take you back ……..WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY back. Some might remember my stint in a nice place after “Birmans night outâ€. I spent a couple on months with some nice people in a place where they tied my arms behind my back and gave me pills to “make me feel betterâ€. I remember the padded walls were very soft and comfeee. You may also remember my Doctor ( Dr Krats ) was trying to “heal†me after that night. You may now remember that I was going to have Dr. Krats over for dinner. You Don’t? Ok. I will refresh you. You may recollect my question on the legality on shooting a Cat Off a Barn with a pneumatic rifle. My question was if I could pry the cat off with something like a stick or a two by four or something like that. Well I did get it off the barn as it was killed so fast that its claws locked in to the wood side of the barn. Well now comes the start of it all.
I was waiting for Dr. Krats to come for dinner as I promised Him “Corn on the cob†like he’s never had before. He was prompt as ever and I took him for a walk around the fields before dinner. I showed him places I had “removed†cats from and places I had sort of blown up and stuff. I took him to the tree where it all started and explained how to get a cat out of a tree with out climbing. We split a 12 pack of Bud and sat on the truck tail gate. He talked about how well I seemed to be doing and he is sure I have made a full recovery. I think this is the point he started to not think I was all that well because he said he had to relieve himself from some Bud. I directed him to my fence but forgot to tell him it was electric. Well I picked him off the ground wiping the tears from my eyes and helped him back to the truck. I gave him a little wine leftover from Jim and Spock and he soon was back to laughing again . He was very happy with the walk around and we went back to the house for another glass of wine and talk and laugh. Well as the time past we laughed and joked about how I was such a good patient and had made such a great recovery. (I still don’t know what he thought I was recovering from but what the hell. ). Well as the wine started kicking in he said “I’m Starved! I would love to have that Corn on the COB you promisedâ€. I helped him up and led him to the table. I dished out a master piece to his plate at which he said “MAN! Does that look good?†I said “you’ll love this†and gave him another glass of wine. Well let me tell you this. He munched away and gave yummy sounds and laughed and joked and laughed again at my stories about getting blown up and all. It was about this time he wiped the sweat from his head and said “I thought you were going to give me Corn on the COB?†I was puzzled and just looked at him (I guess with a nine mile stare) and said “that’s what you are eating “. He stopped and looked at me and said “No Corn on the COB?†I again repeated what I had said. He looked concerned and said “Just what the HELL I eating TURTLE!?†I said “Corn on the COB sillyâ€. At this he stood up and fell down. I thought the wine had gotten to him but he shoot up like a rocket. Then he said “Turtle! Just what the HELL am I eating!†I laughed and told him that it was just what I told him “Corn on the COBâ€. I said “Doc! Its corn on the COB†…………. He said what is “COBâ€? This was a reasonable question so I told him it’s was field corn with sauce served over “COBâ€. “You know….. Cat off Barnâ€. This is when something very odd happened. He got real red faced and started to choke and cuss and started banging his head on the table! I thought he was having a hair ball so I reached over to the door and grabbed my four foot piece of two by four and beet him on his back (trying to get the Hair Ball out of course). Well after I Had helped him to the floor although not breathing well …. You know like he had the wind knocked out of him I was ready to give him the final blow to clear his lungs when in jumped those guys with white suits! The one man missed Dr Kratts and hit me with his club. I guess mistakes do happen but Dr Kratts was three feet from me and to miss that bad ? I guess he needed glasses. Well despite his bad aim Dr Kratts got up and yelled “GET THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE BACK TO LOCKUP!â€. I said I would but he had me alltiedup and it would be very hard for me to do that………….. ???. Well many shots later and some hard times I am well back on my way to ridding the world of fur balls. I am finding it hard to get C4 and Nitro sticks but I guess Sally and Granny will do for now.
Well ………………
Leftovers
Back To The Stove
Turtle

Turtle, from all appearances you have fully recovered. That COB recipe sounds great, might just give 'er a try soon as I have some new immigrants in the 'hood of the Feloin variety.

I should have known better than to sip that whiskey afore reading your post, it REALLY burns comin' out your nose, 'specially when you're trying to light a stoggie. Helluva fire ball though, where's a crat when you need a backstop, eh?

Dan

Pres., TYHC

www.Smouldering.NoseHairs

Welcome back Turtle!!!Good to hear from ya!! Clay

Hello there Mr. Turtle. I was so happy to see your story and learn of your return to the forum I rated your post 5 stars in the AR scheme of things. Thanks for that super update. You know that I'm fairly new here but have seen many wonderful folks come and go. Probably because of "SUIT". That is why I was worried about you in your new canvas coat. No, not lawsuit, but rather a terrible circumstance seriously affecting cat fanciers posting here. "SUIT" is the acronym for "Something Up In There", although I'm not exactly which end it applies to. "Suit" appears to affect 8 of 10 posters, some worse than others and is a leading cause of dissappearance here. So I was thrilled you were under professional care and returned. Ask to have that "SUIT" thing checked thoroughly just to be on the safe side. Good Luck. N>S>Sherlock

Well well..........seems like we are all going to be one happy fam again eh?

I ponder at My Bowl
Birman

You pound her in your bowl? Birman, you little perv!



Dan

Pres., TYHC

www.GiveTheBastardSomePenicillan.HesSick

I second what the others said, except I shot some extremely expensive Frankenwein through my nose.

P.S. It's even marvelous that way, too!

BBTurtle your welcome to come over for super any time just one thing if you think I'm choking wait till I turn blue (just to be sure I really am choking )before helping me.

The universe is once again back in balance. The Turtle has returned from near oblivion to grace us once again with his prose! Nice to see you again old son. derf

Wow. BBturtle,Birman,DD,Derf,N.S.,120,Claybuster and AOWM.
DL and Ann will be along shortly, for sure.As will OEH and Toolmaker.
We are a Cabal that aren't like other people.This is as it should be.
All is good.

Need I say it? When you add in all the visitors, lurkers, voyeurs, shorttimers, the overawed,lost souls and experienced worldwide contributors, this is the most popular forum on the site, bar none. No gnubian questions like "how much powder for a mousepoot crat load?" This is the polymath answer place. (ns)

I just read poor BB's post.

Locking a man up for doing his civic duty!


Toolmaker

I saw a dog take a leak on a hot wire once..

Talk about instant gratification !!! That would have been me, laughing my ass off..

I can see why Mr. Turtle's prose has been so desired!

BBturtle,

I swear, you must be one of my distant cousins. Are you from the South? I used to have nightmares after visiting my cousins in Georgia. The experiences usually started with "Hey Cuz, get in the truck, we're goin'a have us some fun..." and ended up with me waking up the next day at another cousins house with some old hound
licking my face to get me out of bed which did nothing for the hellish headache and dim memories of the night before.

A fine hello to all and thanks for the wecome back.
Old Elk Hunter you may have something there but not quite sure. I'll talk to Jim and Spock to find out.
AOWM -- Thanks for the invite. I'll wip up something you will not turned down.
Nice to see/hear you Clay. Hows things in MD? Any more "road trips"?
120 derfy ............. Man You guys held the fort down. GREAT JOB!
Well I have to go. We are getting hammerred by rain and as you now this puts them up high. I should have a full pot tonight.
First
Back TO The Stove
Turtle

Check it out guys. Hunting was good .
Dinner

Got to make some sauce
Back To The Stove
Turtle

Mr Turtle sir, Li see picture your numba 1 hunt trip. You do good work for round eye, no brood, no mess, good jos! You make famous Crossed Crat recipe from Nha Trang?

Li go back to chopping brock now, it dinner time Golden Chopstix! Chop chop!

Sex is as Sex does
I procreate at my bowl
Birman

Turtle,,been out in the atlantic a few times last year,,pulled in a couple of nice tuna,,mighty tasty ,,The ocean is'nt bad,was cracking open a beer @ 8:30 am while the dude next to me was puking over the side of the boat,,it's setting foot back on land and taking a shower that eve.,,,,that's the real bitch.Been keeping the local crat pop. to a minimum here on the md. front,,,,Clay