What a dumb ass crat!

Went with the wifey to visit some of her friends over in Ocala a few days back. They had 3 shelties, so I tried not to act too put out, they are sorta like dogs after all.

While petting one I felt something crawling into my lap...yep, a friggin' crat! Not just any crat, a Birman crat!

Do you have any idea how hard it is to smile and carry on, all that social crap...when what you're thinking is putting both thumbs on it's windpipe and crushing flat? Put me in for an Oscar! The wife sez, "Gee Dan, he never does that with strangers!" I could only conlude the crat's ESP was offline, cause I really, really wanted to mash the little furball. I have never been so humiliated in my life! I can't even believe I'm posting this, must be PTSS. Or something like that.

There wasn't a hint of garlic in the dinner either.

Dan

Pres., TYHC

http://www.MurderHe.Wrote

Bloody 'ell Dan, how did you contain yourself, must've made you want to come over all

Here's a little tip, carry some asparin with you on such jollies. lf you can get it down the damn moggy without anyone looking you can sit back and watch the fun unfold and not feel too bad about having to keep your hands to yourself for the whole evening.

Dave.
....

DD, you showed amazing self control. Dave's asprin thing is not a bad idea though.....

I really like the aspirin idea, hell, if I can't get it down his throat I'll pop it up his backside. That ought to cause a commotion!

Dan

Pres., YankeeTown Proctologists Assn.

http://www.Crat.Afterburner

DD. Make sure you've got his head down a welly boot before you go playin' about forcin' pills up the other end or things could turn nasty.

Dave.
....

And what does aspirin do to a cat????

OEH.

Cats are fatally allergic to asparin about 500mg/1000mg should get the job done in quick style.

Dave.
....

Aw Dave, thanks for the concern but I juggle crats and chainsaws in my spare time. What's left is pretty tough, what with all the scars and stuff.

Dan

Pres., TYHC

http://www.TheHandIsQuicker.ThanTheCratsArse

Great info on the asprin!!!!....didn't know that!!

A Korean cook once told me there is a spot at the base of the skull under the ears where moderate thumb pressure induces instant dirt nap....has somthing to do with the nerves to the heart. He also used an ice pick gently inserted in the ear and stirred vigorously until done......still not as much fun as Mach II in the ribs and no scars!!

Dan.

So it's right what they say then, "tiz better to have two in the air (+chainsaw) then one in the hand"

Dave.
....

Be careful there Dan. I had heard someone was dealing Birmans in Ocala and that was just the tip of the iceberg. The next great threat to society.

Hmmmm...aspirins + 3" 12 guage shell = lotta dead crats.



http://www.minibeehive.com

AHH, I HEARD THAT MY AGENTS IN THAT AREA HAD BEEN ACTIVE. 'A FEW DAYS BACK?' THAT MEANS YOU SHOULD BE FEELING A BIT LIGHTHEADED AND WEAK. SOON THE FEVERS WILL HIT. VERY BRAVE, THE AGENTS WE HAVE IN OCALA. NEWS OF THIS SUCCESS WILL SPREAD. THANK YOU FOR CONFIRMING THE CONTACT. NEWS TRAVELS SLOWLY BY MEOWMAIL. I LOOK FORWARD TO THE DETAILS AS THE ILLNESS SPREADS.

quote:

Originally posted by BIRMAN'S XO:
AHH, I HEARD THAT MY AGENTS IN THAT AREA HAD BEEN ACTIVE. 'A FEW DAYS BACK?' THAT MEANS YOU SHOULD BE FEELING A BIT LIGHTHEADED AND WEAK. SOON THE FEVERS WILL HIT. VERY BRAVE, THE AGENTS WE HAVE IN OCALA. NEWS OF THIS SUCCESS WILL SPREAD. THANK YOU FOR CONFIRMING THE CONTACT. NEWS TRAVELS SLOWLY BY MEOWMAIL. I LOOK FORWARD TO THE DETAILS AS THE ILLNESS SPREADS.

This brings to mind the movie "Cats and Dogs". The kids rented it a few days back.

Like a lot of kids movies nowadays, there is significant amount of adult oriented innuendo, plus some just plain gross stuff. But, the kids enjoyed it.

Grab a six-pack and sit back to see what would be in store for us, if we didn't have man's best friend looking out for us.

Crat-eradicators are on the right track!

HOLLYWOOD. A GREAT PLACE TO LULL YOU UNSUSPECTING THINGS INTO BELIEVING THAT STUPID HOUNDS CAN THWART US. WE HAVE INFECTED ENOUGH OF YOU SIMPLE MINDED ANIMALS THAT WE NOW HAVE A RELIABLE FOOTHOLD IN YOUR HOMES.

Ninny, its "pawhold".

BIRMANS XO huh? Yes, I suspected as much. I've been having a spasm in my right arm, the only way to harness it so far has been to put the right hand on the wooden handle on the MEC9000G.

I just got a couple of bags of #3 buck Mr. XO, so back to the bench!

Dan

Pres., TYHC

http://www.WarIsIn.TheWings

Actually, cats are not allergic to aspirin. They are, however unable to metabolize it rapidly enough to prevent problems unless very small amounts are used. Basically, a tylenol a day for a week will probably kill the pain permanently for a cat.

FWIW

MFH

Whooo Hoooo! Oh Mr. XO! Are you still here? HA! The flea infested house where your diseased ridden agent tried to infect me had a fax paux today! Nice little house, nice liberal owners, bunny huggers all....got squashed by a great big oak tree. OMG, I POTKB!!!

Living well is the best revenge!

Dan

Pres., TYHC

http://www.WhatGoesUp.MustComeDown

AH YES, I HEARD. THERE WAS A THREAT OF DISCOVERY AND MY AGENT HAD TO DISTRACT HIS SUBJECTS FOR A TIME.

I WAS VERY AMUSED TO SEE YOUR STATEMENT ABOUT 'WHAT CLIMBS UP MUST CLIMB DOWN' OR SOME SUCH, YOU HUMANS HAVE BEEN UP HIGH FOR TOO LONG. WE FIRST TRIED THE ILLNESS YOU CALL 'CAT SCRATCH FEVERS' AND IT WORKED UNTIL YOUR SO CALLED ANTIBIOTICS CAME. IT HAS TAKEN US A WHILE TO RECOVER THE OFFENSIVE, BUT OUR TIME IS NEAR.

PARANOIA AND DELUSIONS WERE NOT EXPECTED FROM OUR CURRENT FORMULA. FIELD TRIALS ARE ALWAYS REVEALING NEW INFORMATION. THANK YOU DIGITAL DAN, WE AWAIT MORE COMMUNICATION FOR ADDITIONAL DATA.

NOW I MUST GO ENTERTAIN MY SUBJECTS. IT IS ALWAYS SUCH A TIRING THING TO ACT THE PART WHEN ALL I WANT TO DO IS SINK MY CLAWS IN THEIR THROAT. POOR IMBECILES, THEY HAD THE CHANCE TO REMOVE MY FORWARD WEAPONS, AND THE SOFT ONE, THE DOMINANT FEMALE, WOULD NOT ALLOW IT. IT WILL BE THEIR UNDOING.

Dan I'm getting Mighty Mouse ready with a six pack of 30's. Called to let the Nuge know whats up. Re-read all the old DL posts too. The little furballs don't have a fat chance.

Too rong now, Li wait in short grass. Wait watch wait watch. Srap bugs beau coup time, make Li dien que dao! Arr this for this time, now Dragon Lady see path to Birman rair. Go terr Woozy Suzi chop garric now, have breaded Birman Barrs for House Speciarity this fine night. HA HA!

Mr. Birman's XO, come pray with Dragon Lady now. Have new fry reer on ord Orvis #10 rike try on you. Use ord faithfur Maimed Quair Nymph, twitch twitch. HA HA HA!!! Li catch you numba 10 pussy! Rearn this rong time back, farmer-san teach Li how CatFish. HA HA!!! for Li. Chop chop, inna pot, boir boir toir and troubre. You be numba 1 main course with European frair! HA HA!

So sorry to arr GI's, Li wait rong time for ~Birman come back, not tark then, now tark. OkeeDokee? That way you sperr? Now Li tark arr time, don't worry, be happy! OOOH RAAHH!

Li go now.

WHAT IS THIS MEC9000 WEAPON YOU SPEAK OF. WE HAVE FOUGHT AGAINST STICKS, STONES, ARROWS, SPEARS, BULLETS, AND EVEN HAND TO GLOVE, BUT I HAVE NEVER FOUGHT AGAINST A MEC9000.

I LOOK FORWARD TO THE CHALLENGE. NONE HAVE DEFEATED ME YET. YOU HAVE MET YOUR MATCH, DIGITAL DAN.

DRAGONLADY, YOU HAVE A SEPCIAL PLACE IN OUR LORE. YOUR MAIMED QUAIL NYMPH IS LEGENDARY, BUT YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED THAT YOU ONLY CATCH YOUND, UNTRAINED SOLDIERS LATELY. WE HAVE BEEN TRAINING OUR SOLDIERS AGAINST YOUR TACTICS. ONLY SHOCK TROOPS FALL NOW. SOON YOU WILL FIND A HAPLESS UNTRAINED MARTYR ON THE FLY AND A HORDE OF ELITE TROOPS ON YOUR BACK. I AWAIT WORD OF MY TROOPS SUCCESS.

XO, the MEC9000G is part of a classified anti-crat weapon system. You'll 'experience' the unclassified version soon enough. Funny thing about it is that quite by accident it was recently discovered that young boys of about 15-16 years of age are most properly suited for manning the system as they are all afflicted with a spastic and repetitive yanking motion in their arm that is easily stimulated by pictures of Jessica Simpson. You ain't gotta prayer!

Dan

Pres., TYHC

http://www.PowerThru.Hormones

I've been lifting weights. With my trigger finger. Lotta reps. I'm up to tri-burst speed now. Birman's buddy is cat noodle soup.

quote:

repetitive yanking motion in their arm that is easily stimulated by pictures of Jessica Simpson.

And this is just World wide.
Good Luck, Sucker.

HA HA! Li understand this tark! HA HA! Mr. XO you what GIs carr Dumbass. Brain go di di when you rittre pussy Mr. XO! Like Mr. George, he say 'Bring it on!" HA HA, you not know Dragon Lady magic pussy boy! Show you slice dice and garric too quick! Foor you with ord MEC9000G joke! HA HA!

quote:

Originally posted by DigitalDan:
XO, the MEC9000G is part of a classified anti-crat weapon system.

The MEC is good.
The Dillon SL 900 is better.


Toolmaker

i believe dillon made the noisemaker that sounded like a long fart. even with all that noise, i survived to get where i am now. many of my kind did not, but i have replaced them 10 fold with only a years breeding of the local females.

i fear no dillon, mec, or other human powered killing machine. i have seen the flashes of light. they can not hurt me.

I'll bet you would fear a F-150 with 37 cat tracks stenciled on the door. All those grease stains on the roads are not possums you know. Hey XO how about I give you peta's # in case you need to make a getaway? They will look out for you plenty .

quote:

i fear no dillon, mec, or other human powered killing machine. i have seen the flashes of light. they can not hurt me.

Ahh M.R XO but I beleive you should fear these weapons because I have seen many unlucky felion fall prey to their creations!
I have been busy stocking up for as you put it The Next Stage in your plan.
The way I have it figured the population around my homestead is at an all time low and if they try anything funny it will get lower and lower until it no longer exsists!
I have a secret weapon of mass destruction waiting for you and your army of pussies!!!
All I need to see is an illegal activity on your part and I will unleash the liquid fury upon thee!!
Enough for now back to work!!

Have been cranking on the Lee; yes it takes a little longer but am currently working on some 7.65 surprise. Don't give away our secret to XO quite yet, but i wonder how long it will take him...her...,it.

Dan you once again shown Maturity beyond your years
reguarding having a cat sit on your lap!I personaly would have grabbed it by it's back legs & smashed it in to a wall & then returned to the conversation ,as if nothing had happened!But then again I'm not known for my social grace's
Example...You have 6 apples & your neighbour takes 3 how many do you have left? (My answer) & a dead neighbour!!!!

I have sent my share of cats to wherever they go but you guys are MANIACS!!

But dead kitties dont pee!!!
Cats are allercic to lead as they have a seroius reaction to it when I put it into there body!