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Walter The Hunter!
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It took me a while to convince Walter to go on safari.

He had heard stories from nasty friends who played tricks on unsuspecting others in the hunting camp.

One he kept remembering was of a group of hunters - I know what you might think, but I was NOT involved!

They were in a tented camp, with the toilet all by itself for everyone to use.

At night, they brought a bunch of bones and left them in the bush not far from the toilet.

They also tied a rope the grass walls of the toilet.

Sometimes at night, a new member of the hunting party went to answer the call of nature.

The hyenas have been making a racket earlier on, and he was told not to worry about hyenas, but to be careful of lions, as they don't make so much noise??!!

They were waiting for him.

As soon as he got into the toilet, they went to the rope, and had a bunch of large bones to make cracking noise.

They pulled on the walls of his toilet!

The poor sod was quite for a bit, then started screaming for help.

Ones left at the tents were telling him to be quite, and sit still.

The others were trying their best to collapse the toilet walls!

Walter wasn't sure how his life at a hunting camp would be.

I told him we will be hunting in a permanent camp with stone huts.

His answer was "but YOU will be there!"

I thought one is supposed to be innocent until proven guilty!!

Our first hunt was at Westwood, located on the Zambezi River.

The hunting camp was separated from Roy's camp by a few hundred yards.

Walter met Roy for the first time, and a sort of "I don't trust you" relationship started!

Apparently all my fault, according to both of them!

Walter loves to hunt warthogs, but he did not come out hunting every day.

And as luck would have it, when he is with us, we don't see warthogs.

When he is not, we do.

Roy had a quota he wanted us to shoot, and he kept complaining "Where is that German? Sleeping in the camp and look at that warthog!"

Eventually I started shooting all Walter's warthogs on quota!

This of course got Walter mad.

He thought it was all a conspiracy hatched up by me and Roy!

One day he was with us, and we did see a warthog.

Off we all went after it.

It was in the afternoon, at the far end our concession.

It was a bit of a hilly country, and Walter could not make it to the warthog as we followed it.

It wasn't actually following, but we could see it more or less most of the time.

Walter decided to give up, so we left him to walk back to the truck, and me and Roy carried on.

A few minutes later, we heard a shot!

First thing came to mind was that he might have stumbled, and the gun went off, hopefully without causing him any injuries.

We ran back.

As we came over a small rise, there was Walter standing proudly next to his warthog!!

Apparently the warthog decided to turn back, and he wad the misfortune to meet Walter, who was more than happy to end it for him.

As we approached, Walter says "I don't need you useless two. I can do my own hunting. You both want to make me tired. But your tricks did not work! I will go hunting on my own every day now!"

Roy turns to him and says "Alright. You can carry your warthog back to camp on your own! You don't need me, or my truck! So start walking home. You might make it by next week!"

Walter smile disappeared, and looking at me, he said "Are you going to let me leave me here?"

I said "It is his truck, and he makes the decisions."

Walter walks up to Roy, gives him a hug and kiss on the cheek saying "Roy! you are my BEST friend! Can I please come in your truck?"

We all had a laugh and off we went.

This sort of relationship never changed.

I will try to post more.


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I will try to post more.


Yes that would be great. Smiler


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Posts: 2815 | Location: Washington (wetside) | Registered: 08 February 2005Reply With Quote
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We were at Vic Falls airport on our way home, through Johannesburg.

At the airport, I went to the rest room.

Walter took my boarding pass from my bag pocket.

No one said anything.

Standing at the security, where we had to show our passports and boarding passes, I could not find mine.

Walter behind me, and starting shouting "we have a flight to catch! If you cannot find your pass get out of the way!"

I knew at that moment he had my pass.

"Give me my pass. And remember, you are going to suffer for this!"

He puts his hand in his bag, and gets my pass out saying "Oh SHIT! I am going to have my Patriot missile system on standby! You won't be able to do anything to me!"

We arrived at Johannesburg, and Walter decided to change some money to buy us breakfast.

He went to the money exchange, got some cash out of his wallet, and put it next to him on the counter.

I came from behind him, and took his wallet without him noticing.

He did not notice that he had left it.

We went to the restaurant to get breakfast.

I got to the table with his son, while he is busy filling his tray.

I showed his son the wallet!

His son said "Oh boy! He IS going to get mad! I don't know why he never learns his lesson"

Walter appears, and says "Make sure you have all your paperwork for traveling. Don't hold everyone back like this morning. Hahahaha!"

We started eating our breakfast.

I said "You better right a complaint to whoever made the Patriot missile system you are using. It is worthless"

"Saeed, there is no way you can play any of your tricks on me! My eyes are WIDE open"

"Then I suggest you put your glasses on. I have already done something that will blow your mind! As soon as you get to Dubai, all hell will break loose!"

"Listen to him! He thinks he can play more tricks on me. NEVER!"

I put my hands in my bag, and got his wallet out out.

He looked at it on the table.

His face went white!

"Saeed! How did you get my wallet? This is like being hit with a nuclear bomb!"

"Don't try any silly tricks with me again. You know you will pay"

"Seriously, how did you get my wallet?"

"You left it at the money exchange counter"

"Oh SHIT! It is all your fault! My brains don't work when you are close!"


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Posts: 69241 | Location: Dubai, UAE | Registered: 08 January 1998Reply With Quote
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This sounds like great memories of a wonderful friend.


DRSS
Kreighoff 470 NE
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Posts: 1993 | Location: Denver | Registered: 31 May 2010Reply With Quote
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Great stories.

from your safari's you probably have more than a few.

maybe book is in order.


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

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Great stuff Saeed!
THANK YOU!!!
 
Posts: 2361 | Location: KENAI, ALASKA | Registered: 10 November 2001Reply With Quote
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He will be missed, he added somethig to the word safari...'

I recall an evening in camp around the firepit and I had found a rope Id given to PIerre and Walter said what do you rope, I said steers by the hind legs and I was a heeler, he said how do you catch the heels when they are on the ground, I was tellig him the steers were being pulled by another man on a horse, the conversation got around to needing an exhibition and Walter would be the steer it got really funny at that point but he ran past me and I layed a trap at his feet, and before I could take my slack he tumbled on his belly, everyone got a kick out of that and his retort that I roped a lot better than I shot!! He was a funny man and a joy to be around..He will be missed.. "Vaya con dios amigo"


Ray Atkinson
Atkinson Hunting Adventures
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Posts: 42221 | Location: Twin Falls, Idaho | Registered: 04 June 2000Reply With Quote
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Here is a Walter classic.

Long ago, we did not have to go through all the current nonsense of traveling with gun.

I used to ship my rifles, shotguns etc, as many as I wanted, ahead of us.

Made life so much easier.

Walter wanted to take his Blaser rifle with him.

First thing was he wanted me to chamber a barrel for him for my 375/404.

His rifle was a typical German designed stock, which was so uncomfortable to shoot, it kicks you in the face making you feel as if you have had a round with Mike Tyson.

I wanted to dissuade him from this idea.

I suggested he tries a 375 H&H barrel on his rifle.

He agreed.

I loaded 5 rounds of maximum loads for the 375 H&H, and hid them.

He came over in the afternoon to "discuss this new project" as he called it.

He arrived, went straight to the coffee machine, made himself a coffee, served himself to large piece of cake, sat down.

"What do I do?"

"You are going to have a hard time shooting that silly contraption with a large bore. You need to get a new stock to make it comfortable to shoot."

"There is nothing wrong with my Blaser! I LOVE this rifle. You said we could try 375 H&H in it first"

"OK, I put the barrel out for you, change it"

He had a 7x64 barrel on it.

He changed the barrel.

"What do I do now?"

"Look at the loading books, find a load that uses the least amount of powder, reduce it by 10% and load it. That way you won't break your jaw and not be able to eat that cake"

"Hahaha! All your tricks to stop me killing the biggest buffalo Roy has ever seen with my Blaser won't work"

He found his load, we reduced it by 10%, and I loaded 3 rounds for him while he is watching.

He does not trust me! sofa

He picks his rifle and goes to the shooting bench.

I swap his reduced rounds with my maximum rounds.

He fires his first shot.

"*&#*! Bloody hell! That hurts!"

"I told you. Whoever designed that stock was drunk! Try another one"

He did.

Then he gave up on the idea of hunting buffalo with his Blaser!

A while later, he decided to take his gun as is. In 7x64 Brenneke.

Well, this another opportunity to do something.

He wanted to develop a load for his rifle.

We decided on 150 grain Noslers.

I loaded some ammo for him, he came and tried them, and was very happy.

Now I wanted to do something funny.

So everyone has a laugh.

I took .277 caliber bullets and loaded them in the 7x64.

Failed miserably, as they actually shot reasonably well, just the point of impact changed.

That won"t do.

After a lot of efforts, I managed to arrive at a solution.

I used a drill to take lead out of the back of the partition in the bullets, in varying quantities.

Bullets ranged in weight all over the place, all the way down to around 90 grains, instead of 150 grains.

Worked like a charm.

Groups were measured in meters, not inches! clap

We arrived in Matetsi, and first thing on first morning is to check our rifles.

I did mine, and then it was Walter's turn.

I had marked those special ammo, by using CCI BR primers.

Some of you might remember this is imprinted on the primer.

Walter fires his first shot.

Misses the whole cardboard box with the target on it.

Everyone was aware of what was going to happen, except him.

Todd says "Walter happens sometimes because of oil in the barrel"

He fires another shot, and hits the top corner of the box.

Roy says "At least you are getting closer now!"

Everyone else is laughing.

Another shot, a complete miss again!

Walter was working himself into a lather, everyone else was laughing!

Horst was saying "Are you still drunk from last night?"

Todd suggested they look at the scope mounts.

Nothing is wrong there.

All suggested he tries another round.

He did.

His shot hit the ground half way to the target.

I hit the ground laughing, everyone joined in.

Walter gets mad and throws all the ammo on the ground.

Eventually I told him what happened.

He started chasing me holding his rifle by the barrel, threatening to wrap it around my neck!

Roy was in absolute heaven, saying "I LOVE it"

Walter did get his own back on him a few safaris later.


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Posts: 69241 | Location: Dubai, UAE | Registered: 08 January 1998Reply With Quote
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Perfect!


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You, Roy, and Alan should do a book on him!
 
Posts: 11187 | Location: Minnesota USA | Registered: 15 June 2007Reply With Quote
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quote:
Originally posted by crbutler:
You, Roy, and Alan should do a book on him!


Actually, a more hilarious book could be written about me, Roy and Alan!

The most incompetent group of hunters that ever lived!

I know, we do have our good days, but believe me, that ant any given time one of us screwing things up royally!

Not intentionally, but out of talent!

Here are some examples.

I was trying to shoot an impala over 400 yards way.

He was facing away on a hillside by the Luzi River.

I fired and he dropped.

Went over and found the bullet hit him in the rear end, exiting by the neck and shoulder junction.

Roy says "Why did you hit him in his backside? That is not the right place to hit an animal!"

Or us trying to get close to an eland bull which we saw over a mile away on the other side of an empty flat in Norther Tanzania.

We just walked up straight towards him.

I asked Alan if we will be able to get close, as he could see us all the time.

He just carried on.

About half a mile away, or what looked like it, the eland turned more towards us.

Alan puts the shooting sticks up and says "he is a bit far. Aim high!"

I did aim high, and luckily hit the eland.

He ran off into the bush.

We ran after him.

When we got there found him standing with his head down about 100 yards in the forest.

Another shot put an end to him.

I won't even bother telling you about my own screw ups!

Far too many.

They need a book of their own! rotflmo


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Posts: 69241 | Location: Dubai, UAE | Registered: 08 January 1998Reply With Quote
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You, Roy, and Alan should do a book on him!

I've told Mr. Nice Guy for eons that he should write a complete book of 'Walterisms'. He keeps refusing. Money could be made and much laughter enjoyed by thousands! rotflmo clap It could be considered medicinally useful in one's lowering blood pressure! rotflmo clap
 
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Wonderful stories!


0351 USMC
 
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Great stories, Saeed.

It has been said that a practical joke is jovial sadism.

But that is NOT the case among friends who’ve been given fair warning! Big Grin


Mike

Wilderness is my cathedral, and hunting is my prayer.
 
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First year Walter came on safari, he was our cameraman.

It was in those days when VHS was king.

We got a big professional camera, shoulder mounted, with all bells and whistles.

He had it here in Dubai to practice with, and he kept telling me he couldn't wait to be the next Hollywood star maker!

We also had a young lady with us who wanted to hunt.

She was a bit chubby, and one of my brothers gave her camo suit.

We fondly nicknamed her Schwarzkopf in honor of the American general who led the gulf war.

The camera had all the editing bits one could wish for, which Walter loved.

Stop motion, blur, color change, speeding up, upside down and video going at any angle you wish!

First animal I shot was a sable.

As we approached it, Walter got into his Hollywood moment.

He was giving directions to everyone, where to stand, what to do and so on.

No one listened, so he started changing his position to get the shots he wanted.

There was a drop off about 30 feet straight down, and he was walking backwards towards it.

Roy noticed, "Walter, stop!"

"Why should I stop?"

"You are going to fall off the bloody cliff!"

"Mind your own business! I am making the best hunting video you have ever seen"

"If you are going to keep going, leave the camera behind. We need it, we don't need you!"

Walter stops, and looks behind. He was a few feet short of the cliff.

"Oh SHIT! I could have DIED! And no one cares! Roy is only worried about the camera!"

Walter was having a field day being the cameraman.

Trouble was he was always behind us, and had the camera on.

Focused on Schwarzkopf backside!

At the end of the hunt, we could hardly get 15 minutes of actual hunting video.

The rest was of the aforementioned backside - he said he the camera on wide angle, and still couldn't get all of it in! rotflmo

The rest was a mass of in camera edits which no one could make any sense of.

When we complained, he said "you all cannot understand the science and art of video making!"


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Posts: 69241 | Location: Dubai, UAE | Registered: 08 January 1998Reply With Quote
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Great stories men, Walter RIP.
 
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One afternoon we decided to shoot birds.

We only had one shotgun - a Browning B2000 semi auto.

I shot a few francolines, them my friend Todd Kindler shot a few, then Walter took over.

Despite the fact he used to represent Germany in the Olympics in skeet, somehow he wasn't doing so well that day.

Roy, always ready to make fun of Walter, took the shooting sticks and suggested Walter uses them to shoot better.

Roy walks up to Walter, and places the shooting sticks in front of him.

Not to be outdone, Walter places the shotgun on the sticks, while Roy is laughing and holding them.

Walter fires 5 shots in quick succession! And laughing his head off.

Roy is screaming bloody murder "FUCK! YOU RUINED MY EARS!"

Everyone was laughing, except Roy.

Later on in the truck, sitting in the front with Roy, he was talking to me.

I kept whispering so he doesn't hear me.

"I cannot hear a bloody thing you say! That bloody German blew my ear drums! I am going to get him! I will put my 460 Weatherby right by his ears and shoot it"

Roy never forgave Walter for that!


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Posts: 69241 | Location: Dubai, UAE | Registered: 08 January 1998Reply With Quote
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Originally posted by Saeed:
Roy, always ready to make fun of Walter, took the shooting sticks and suggested Walter uses them to shoot better.

Roy walks up to Walter, and places the shooting sticks in front of him.

Not to be outdone, Walter places the shotgun on the sticks, while Roy is laughing and holding them.

Walter fires 5 shots in quick succession! And laughing his head off.

Roy is screaming bloody murder "FUCK! YOU RUINED MY EARS!"


Okay, now THAT qualifies as jovial sadism!

rotflmo


Mike

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Posts: 13753 | Location: New England | Registered: 06 June 2003Reply With Quote
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So Saeed, did Walter ever kill anything with his beloved Blaser?
 
Posts: 11187 | Location: Minnesota USA | Registered: 15 June 2007Reply With Quote
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I don't recall ever hearing about Walter's family.
Was he married, kids?
 
Posts: 10432 | Location: Texas... time to secede!! | Registered: 12 February 2004Reply With Quote
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quote:
Originally posted by dogcat:
I don't recall ever hearing about Walter's family.
Was he married, kids?


Walter has a son and a daughter.

He has been married twice.

His daughter is living in Chili.

His son is married and lives in Dubai.


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Posts: 69241 | Location: Dubai, UAE | Registered: 08 January 1998Reply With Quote
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Originally posted by crbutler:
So Saeed, did Walter ever kill anything with his beloved Blaser?


Ah, this is one of his best performance.

As mentioned before, he likes to shoot warthogs.

In Matetsi, we see a warthog running into some rocky area.

Same color as him.

Warthog stops, Roy puts the shooting sticks up.

Walter "where is her?"

"Right there standing broadside looking at you!"

"I cannot see him!"

The warthog starts walking, Walter sees him, shoots and misses!

"You missed him! Look he is standing there again! Shoot before he goes over the hill!"

Walter shoots.

And wounds the warthog!

"Shoot again! We don't want to be chasing him all day!"

Now the fun started.

Walter was getting nervous because Roy is shouting at him, he was trying to load his rifle quickly and shoot again!

Trouble was he was getting CLICK instead of BAG!

Reason was he was pulling the bolt back far enough to eject the empty, but not far enough to load a new round!

He then proceeded to load and eject his rifle, several times!

By this time I was rolling on the ground - really, no joke, I could not stand any more.

Eventually we get to the dying warthog.

Roy said "finish him off!"

"I have no bullets!"

This despite the fact he had an ammo belt with at least 10 rounds in.

All were lying on the ground behind, where we went to find them later.

"Saeed, where is your gun?"

"In the truck! You finish your own bloody pig!"

Walter turns to the warthog "Please die! Please die quickly! Before I die!"

On another occasion, he went off with Roy to shoot a kudu bull at a water hole.

I wasn't with them, I was left behind a couple of hundred yards.

Walter shot the kudu.

The kudu runs a bit and stands behind a bush.

Apparently swaying.

Walter kept popping nitro tables for his heart.

Roy says "don't stop popping those tablets. I don't want you to die on me!"

"I have 4 more tablets. If he is not dead b y them, then he wins!"

The kudu died, and Walter managed to carry on for many years.


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What a wonderful way to remember a great friend!
 
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We were in South Africa hunting.

Walter wanted to shoot an ostrich.

Horst had a go at him.

“Why do you want to shoot an overgrown chicken!”

He convinced him not to shoot one.

At the end we were in a shop at a mall.

We saw handbags, including ones made In ostrich leather.

Very nice and very expensive!

Walter turns to Horst, who is Austrian.

“Now I know why you didn’t want me to shoot an ostrich!

You are related! You from Osyrichland! If I had shot one, I could have had several bags made! Your skin is useless. All of you is useless! Or I could skin you!”

The girls in the shop were totally aghast at what was happening!

I told them Germans don’t like Austrians.

Ever since Hitler took over!

That did nothing to make the girls understand! rotflmo


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We were in Chete, Zimbabwe.

Got to camp and met the camp manager.

He seemed a bit funny.

No sense of humor!

A bit unlucky for him being with our lot!

It so happens that I had a fart machine!

One evening, I taped it to Keith’s chair at the dinner table.

The table is long.

Roy sits at one end, me and Rene sit next to him facing each other.

The rest of the group sit towards the other end.

Keith at the opens with Walter next to him.

Dinner was finished, and we were having a coffee.

I had the remote for the fart machine.

I pressed it.

PRGHTGHGHT!

We could all hear it.

Everyone went quiet.

A few minutes later there was another one!

I said “Walter, it is very rude to fart at the dinner table!”

Walter was laughing so much, he was crying.

Eventually he managed to say “It is not me! Honest! But must be close because I can smell it!”

Now everyone was laughing!

Except Keith.


He had that deadly look on his face that says ARE THEY LAUGHING AT ME!

Walter announced that if he had died right then he would be happy!

As he had never, ever, lasso much in his life!

Keith announced he would no longer work at our camp!


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Posts: 69241 | Location: Dubai, UAE | Registered: 08 January 1998Reply With Quote
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Always the straight man!

Wonderful stories!
 
Posts: 11187 | Location: Minnesota USA | Registered: 15 June 2007Reply With Quote
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I so enjoy reading the Walter stories.

Sure appreciate you sharing them with us Saeed!


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Walter spent much of his time annoying Roy.

Who was an easy target.

And sometimes Roy gets his own back at him.

Roy was complaining that Walter takes his time getting out of the truck, when we see an animal and needs to hurry up.

This happened one afternoon, when the argument came up again, while we were loading a waterbuck I had shot.

Walter "Alan, get your camera ready. Saeed, get your stop watch ready. Roy, WATCH!"

We were not sure what was planned, but Walter started to climb up into the truck.

The truck a sort of high cage as all hunting trucks have, to tie things down when loaded.

It is as high as the cap in front.

Walter was on the truck, and he tried to climb and jump off the this.

His plan misfired, and he dropped off head first!

This happened so quickly, before even Alan had his camera ready.

Roy was screaming with laughter, tears coming down his face!

In between, he said "How long long would it take you to recover now!"

On another occasion, Walter brought along one of those little gadgets one sticks into the tail pipe and it makes a noise.

We stopped for something one morning, and while everyone was busy doing something useful, Walter sticks it into the trucks tail pipe.

As we drove along, Roy says "What is that?"

I am sitting in the front with him and he was driving.

"What is what?"

"Funny noise"

He noticed that the sound changes as he adjusts his speed! rotflmo

He stops the truck, goes and opens the bonnet to look at the engine.

I said "could be a leaking gasket."

"That is all we need now!"

Off we go again.

The noise persists.

Walter "Roy! Stops and fix the truck! I don't want to break down far away from camp. You have to carry me"

"You can walk. Or the bloody hyenas can have you for dinner!"

Again we stop, and the search continues for that noise.

Walter gets some food and drinks out, and carries on annoying Roy.

He goes and lay down behind the truck, and somehow notices something inside the exhaust pie.

"Roy! Come and have a look. I thing I have found your problem!"

Roy "YOU are my problem!"

"Seriously, there is something stuck inside the exhaust pipe!"

Roy goes to investigate, and finds it.

"Cannot you EVER do something USEFUL? Instead of hampering our hunt?"


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HAHAHA! Gotta love it.

Walter was truly lucky he was not on Roy's discounted trophy list.

rotflmo


Mike

Wilderness is my cathedral, and hunting is my prayer.
 
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Roy had a powered cool box in the back of his truck.

He ran a power cable to the back, and put a socket on it.

He plugs it in when driving, and unplugs it when stopped so it does not drain the battery.

Someone in the back is supposed to do it.

Walter, due to his health issues, stays at the truck, while we go off chasing animals.

Away we went one day after buffalo.

A few hours later, we went back to the truck.

Roy stopped to answer the call of nature.

When I got to the truck, Walter informed me that he had disconnected the battery, and plugged the cool box in.

Roy comes back, and was duly given a cool drink.

He gets in the truck and tries to start the engine.

No luck!

"Oh no! Someone forgot to unplug the cooler!"

He gets out and goes to look.

He starts shouting at the trackers.

Walter asks what was going on.

"These idiots forgot to unplug the cooler! Now we have a flat battery! You all need to get out and push!"

We all got out.

Walter "may be the problem is not a flat battery."

"It is! The engine won't turn!"

"May be look under the bonnet. battery connection might be loose!"

"My battery connections are not loose! I tighten them myself!"

Walter, undeterred, goes and opens the bonnet.

"Roy! As usual, you are useless at connecting batteries! Come have a look!"

Roy goes to investigate, and finds that battery connection was disconnected.

"You did this!"

Walter could not contain himself any more, and burst out laughing!


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Brilliant. Wasn't there a time when Walter set off a firecracker behind your knee as you were preparing to shoot something?
 
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It was some sort of fireworks!

We were sighting in our rifles first morning.

I was just about to shoot off the truck, when suddenly I heard a bang and a searing pain in my right leg!

The firework blasted a small rock about half an inch into my calf.

Went through my trousers, and embedded itself in my leg!

After sighting in, I went back to camp and put disinfectant and a plaster on it.

I am normally a healthy person and don’t get infected.

But, we had to get some mileage out of this.

For a day or two I pretended that it hurts.

Rene was getting mad at Walter.

So Rene and me hatched a plan!

In the morning, Walter is usually the last one to arrive at breakfast.

I am the first.

Got some toothpaste, mixed a bit of tomato ketchup with it.

Looked like bloody puss!

As Walter walked in - he normally announces himself by whistling while walking.

Rene was pretending to change my dressing, and looking very upset.

“You should be proud of this! Look what you have done to him! It is infected and puss is coming out now! I don’t know how he manages to hunt!”

Walter comes closer, and sees the bloody puss!

“Oh my GOD! Saeed, I am very very sorry!”

“Shut up! I could hardly sleep last night! Aches like mad now! If this gets worse, I get Pete to leave you in the bloody bush! Safer for you than in your tent if it is as bad tonight as last night!”

We kept this going for a couple of days.

The poor man was really, really sorry.

He stopped being sorry when we told him the truth! rotflmo


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Only real friends can do things like that to each other.
And survive.
 
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If I remember correctly, the fireworks incident did not end in Africa, as Walter had to also face Saeed's very irate wife when they returned home! Big Grin I am sure that wasn't the only time that he pushed the wrong button with her! rotflmo clap
 
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quote:
Originally posted by Use Enough Gun:
If I remember correctly, the fireworks incident did not end in Africa, as Walter had to also face Saeed's very irate wife when they returned home! Big Grin I am sure that wasn't the only time that he pushed the wrong button with her! rotflmo clap


Yes.

He annoyed her in Chete, Zimbabwe.

He likes chocolate.

So Hanna made him impala droppings covered chocolates!

He had a mouth full before he realized it was not peanuts he was eating! jumping


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rotflmo rotflmo rotflmo clap
 
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Chocolate covered impala turds!
That may be the best joke yet!!
 
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We had an American friend with us, who chewed tobacco.

He shared a tent with Walter.

One day Walter asked me if I could get him fresh impala droppings, and keep them moist in a bag.

I did.

He mixed some with our friends tobacco.

Next day I got him fresh sable droppings.

He mixed some of this too with the tobacco!

He asked our friend if there was a difference in taste of the tobacco.

The answer was it tasted funny, probably because of the heat.

Then Walter asked him which did he preferred, todays or yesterday’s!

Walter explained to him that it must be so bad shit, he couldn’t tell the difference between tobacco, impala or sable droppings! jumping


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Walter likes to annoy Roy, and he takes every opportunity to do so.

At Chete, we have to cross a very rocky river, truck hardly moves at half a k an hour to avoid being damaged.

Roy and me ride in the front, as he drives, and when they see an animal, they tap on the roof.

We just crossed this river, which took ages.

As soon as we were on the other side, and Roy speeded up, Walter bangs on the roof.

Roy hits the brakes, and asks what.

Walter "You missed a few big rocks! Can we go back again please?"

On another occasion, we were driving a,long, and suddenly there was an all mighty banging on the roof.

Roy hits the brakes, and says "bloody hell! They must have seen a dinosaur!"

And then we have the story of the fart machine.

I will not forget this one.

Roy has a rap around seat cover, with a pocket at the back to store things in.

I shot an impala early one morning, and as we were loading it, I hid the fart machine in this pocket behind Roys seat.

Just as he started the car, I pressed the button.

There was a fart.

Roy stopped the engine, and asked "what was that?"

"What was what?"

"that noise I heard!"

"I didn't hear anything"

He started the engine again, and I pressed it again.

He stopped, laughing, "you are up to something.

He gets out of the truck, looks behind his seat, and finds this contraption.

He has a funny way of whistling.

I said "If you whistle to it it makes a noise"

He did.

Each time he whistled, I pressed the button.

As you can imagine, everyone was in an uproarious laughter.

Walter was crying.

Roy was wondering why does it only makes a noise only when he whistles, not when he talks!

One time we had a driver, who stays in the truck with Walter, and we call after we shoot anything.

Roy carries a radio on his belt.

We were walking to a waterhole which we had hoped to find sable.

The trackers ahead, Roy behind them and me behind him.

Roy stops, and looks at me.

"What?" he says.

I was surprised, as I did not hear anything.

He whispered "you whistled"

"I did not!"

We carried on.

A few minutes later the same thing happened.

Again, the same argument.

We found impala at the waterhole and I shot one.

Walter was at the radio, and he knew Roy had one.

So he kept whistling into it to annoy him!


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