Ladies and Gentlemen,

As some of you already know, we are off to Tanzania in about 5 weeks time.

Today I started loading some ammo for our hunt, using the same load we have been using for a number of years now.

And is usual, I fire 3 rounds from each of our rifles, just to make sure nothing has changed.

I fired a 3 shot group in each of our two 375/404 rifles, while Walter is watching through the spotting scope.

One group was 0.611 and one was 0.623.

Walter "This is disgusting to the point of being very embarrasing"

Me "What are you talking about?"

Walter "Why cannot you try something new. Like a different powder, different bullet, or even different rifles. You have hundreds of them, and you still use these same old guns. Every year you make the same load, which is embarassingly accurate. When I miss I cannot blame it on anything except a branch, which happened last year as you know very well"

Me "Listen, many hunters would be more than hapy to get this sort of consistency. So as we have a good recipe, we are going to stick to it. Of course, that does not alter the fact that you are going to be consistant and keep missing your animals!"

Walter "Not this time. I know you and Roy keep betting how many shots I would need to kill my animals. This year I am going to be ONE SHOT WALTER"

Me "I somehow doubt this is going to happen in this life time. But, we live in hope. I tell you what. Each time you are going to shoot anything, I will give you only one round of ammo, ok?"

"Dwight last year shot his buffalo 12 times. I promise not to be as bad as him. Anyway, you always shoot your buffalos at least twice, even when they are dead. So you should not tell anyone how to shoot their animals."

Me "You need to practice. How about me loading you a couple of hundred rounds of 375H&H and you practice shooting them?"

Walter "I need more than 200 rounds, and I am going to use that .22 Ruger. It makes less noise, and kicks less too"

quote:

and I am going to use that .22 Ruger

A Ruger Mark III .22 Pistol no doubt........

I can tell this is going to be another "interesting" trip!!

I can't wait for the "One Shot Walter" stories!!

Good Hunting,

Bob

Sadly, I seem to be of the attitude that I like to continually mess with things to assure I never have any consistency. Walter - I'm with you. People who are steadfast to the tried and true methods are exhasperating.

I think Walter is inspired by Mark Sullivan, I come to think about his trailer for Mbogo; 65 minutes over 80 gun shots......

Sure Walter keep calling yourself "One Shot Walter" after all it is usually the "Last Bullet" that kills the animal. And that counts as one bullet which = one shot.

I'd like to start a fund for Walter.

The "Save the animals let Walter do all the shooting fund."

If you are interested in donating PM me, I'll take cash, credit or booze.

Last year he wanted to shoot a zebra. We saw some feeding, so Walter, Roy and Alan took off after them. He had my rifle, with 3 rounds in it.

I stayed in the truck with Enrique. About 20 minutes later we heard a shot.

"Great" we both said. Walter had his zebra.

So we waited for Alan to come back and drive us to the newly shot zebra.

Another half hour later we heard another shot, from a different direction than the first one, and quite further.

"Oh Oh! Walter screwed up again" We both said.

Anothet half hour later, we heard another shot. Still further and from another direction too!

A while later, Alan did arrived, and while driving to the zebra, he related the whole story to us.

Apparently Walter found it hard to see the zebra. Despite the zebra standing in a clearing, broadside! The old proverb "not seeing the forest for the trees came to mind"

The zebra moved, so Walter saw it. He shot it, smack in the middle! The zebra took off, and they chased it. They saw it again, and Walter fired at it and missed.

The zebra took off and them in pursuit. Again they zebra stopped, and Walter was told to shoot it.

Walter "I have only one bullet left"
Roy "You better make sure you hit it then!"

Walter " I am not sure I can hit it"
Roy "If you are going to miss again then don't shoot"

Walter shot, and managed to kill the zebra.

As you all know, when a cat is shot, the camp staff do the "kabube, Kabube" to the hunter in celebration.

We thought Walter's acheivement deserves teh same celebration.

So half a mile away from camp, we fired a shot in the air. Which is the signal that a celebration is called for.

They had the drums beating as we drove into the camp, and no one knew what we shot. We point to Walter as the hunter.

They brought out a chair for him to sit on so they can carry him. And being Walter, he sat backwards, facing the seat back. He screamed as they lifted him, because he got his balls squashed against the seat back!

Poetic justice, that was

So I take it Walter was thus unable to participate in the kabube-kabube?

Walter, Walter, Walter! You da man!

Walter " I am not sure I can hit it"
Roy "If you are going to miss again then don't shoot"

Not much to say after that.

Walter,

Keep up the good work!

We all had to start somewhere!

Actually practicing with that 22, rifle of course, is a pretty goods idea. With no recoil he can concentrate on the basics of aiming and trigger control. It could make him a better shot.

TerryR

Maybe Walter's trophy fees should be contingent upon how many shots it takes him to actually kill something.

Saeed,
Start charging Walter for all expended ammo on safari. You could use this for your lovely daughter's college fund and probably pay all the way up through a Doctorate!

Safaris are not the same without Walter, he can make your day shine!! but he can't shoot worth beans! probably because he insists on using that blazer that only shoots now and then.

quote:

They brought out a chair for him to sit on so they can carry him. And being Walter, he sat backwards, facing the seat back. He screamed as they lifted him, because he got his balls squashed against the seat back!

Now I know what "Kabube, kabube" means. Walter must have said that when he was lifted up with his "manliness" being pinched.

One shot Walter. Seems that should fit nicely with terms like "military intelligence"...

I like Walters thinking.

He is not enslaved to the old dogma of the last hundred years or so of hunters and hunting.

He thinks for himself and is very innovative.

I like Saeed's way of thinking...he practices and hits what he's aiming at...the first time. The man can shoot very well.

I like the African animals way of thinking. They know the safest place to be during safari season is in Walter's field of fire.

Well, at least Walter is starting to wise up. When Saeed offered to load him some .375's to practice with, he declined. Probably a smart thing to do, knowing Saeed's 'loading' proclivities for Walter. He'd probably figure out a way to stuff a TRex load into that little case just to watch the fun

You guys just don't realize what a hunting icon Walter is.

You know that "let the animal decide how he wants to die" thing? Walter was there long before Mark Sullivan. And unlike Mark Sullivan, Walter lets the animal decide the method.

So far, out of 1000 animals Walter has encountered, the animals have exercised their option to expire in the following manner:

980 opted for old age;

15 died of heart attacks from hearing the report of a rifle so close without actually being hit by a bullet;

4 died of laughter;

and 1 committed suicide by impaling itself on Walters then empty rifle.

We should appreciate Walter for being a hunting trailblazer; a man with method to his utter madness....

quote:

Originally posted by Jim Manion:
You guys just don't realize what a hunting icon Walter is.

You know that "let the animal decide how he wants to die" thing? Walter was there long before Mark Sullivan. And unlike Mark Sullivan, Walter lets the animal decide the method.

So far, out of 1000 animals Walter has encountered, the animals have exercised their option to expire in the following manner:

980 opted for old age;

15 died of heart attacks from hearing the report of a rifle so close without actually being hit by a bullet;

4 died of laughter;

and 1 committed suicide by impaling itself on Walters then empty rifle.

We should appreciate Walter for being a hunting trailblazer; a man with method to his utter madness....

Classic!!

quote:

Originally posted by Saeed:
They brought out a chair for him to sit on so they can carry him. And being Walter, he sat backwards, facing the seat back. He screamed as they lifted him, because he got his balls squashed against the seat back!

Walter has BIG balls!

As usual, Walter will not stop until he gets his way!

Last night he called;

Walter "Do you want to buy a new rifle?"
Me "Sure, what is it?"

Walter " A BEAUTIFUL German made Sauer. 308, has a fluted stainless barrel, fiberglass stock, and VERY light to carry"

Me "I don't want it"
Walter "Why not?"
Me "You know I don't like these VERY light rifles. Especially German made!"

Walter "Shit! I thought at last I would have my excuse ready made. We shot the rifle, it shoots about 7 cm group at 30 meters! with Federal Match ammo!"

Me "Great! That means it would shoot about 10 inch groups at 100 yards. And if you try shooting it at any animal the groups would open to 4 warthogs at 100 yards! You should buy it and hunt with it!"

Walter "I don't need to buy it. I have my BEAUTIFUL, DEADLY Blaser! But, you won't let me take it hunting"

Me "I told you you can take it. As long as you let me chamber one of your barrels for the 375/404! I would love to see you shoot it!"

Walter "I know you would. So would your friends Roy and Alan! Especially as after the first shot my teeth start popping out of my mouth, my nose is bleeding, and I have an extra eye brow"

Me "You can stop that happening by doing some practice shooting with it here"

Walter "NO! NO! And NO! Last time I tried my 375H&H barrel was bad enough. And you would probably load your ammo to kick a LOT more than that. I am not going to do it. My Blaser can rest at home. \until we go to South Africa again!"

Does, this mean that Walter will not be hunting this year since he is not bringing his rilfe and doesnt want to shoot the 375's ?????

Looks like the animals wont be lucky this season with someone who cannot hit them

What's Walter's major malfunction? Can he not see? Mount some big ass glass on his Blaser and zero it for him.

quote:

Originally posted by Macifej:
What's Walter's major malfunction? Can he not see? Mount some big ass glass on his Blaser and zero it for him.

Walter gets a bit excited when he hunts. He is usually a very good shot off the bench. And he does not like hard kicking rifles either.

To him a 30-06 size case is about maximum. So he got himself a 7x64 Brenneke barrel for his Blaser.

Here he shoots it very well. In the field he seems to fumble a bit and screws up the hunt. Of course, we find this very funny, which makes it worse for him.

As Walter gets on the shooting sticks to shoot something:

Me "Don't break his leg"
Roy "Or hit him in the arse either!"
Alan "Whatever you do, don't shoot him in the middle. That is where the stomach is!"

Walter "I cannot see it!"
Roy "He is standing right there looking at you! Be quick and shoot before he takes off again!"

Walter"I cannot see him, So he cannot see me either. If he runs off it is because he sees YOU!"

I am sure you get the picture by now.

One day, he decided he wants me to chamber a barrel for him for the 375/404. I knew he would not shoot it, so I suggested he tries a 375 H&H barrel first.

He agreed, but on the condition that he loads his ammo himself, starting VERY LOW!

We both looked the loading manuals, and picked a load with the lowest velocity, then reduced it by an additional 10%. His idea was to work himself up slowly.

It took him about half an hour to load 3 rounds, and while he was getting himself ready, I loaded three more rounds - using the same bullets - but picking one of the maximum loads I had developed earlier.

I swapped the ammo around, and gave him my max loads.

He fired one shot "OUCH! OUCH! That really kicks!"

Me " I told you that bloody contraption of yours kicks. Wait until you get to the level of shooting real hunting loads!

Walter "I think this is the wrong idea. I will use your rifle instead!"

I think that walter should write a book about his african adventures. No doubt it would be a best seller.

"If he runs off it is because he sees YOU."

Now that's funny.

quote:

Walter"I cannot see him, So he cannot see me either. If he runs off it is because he sees YOU!"

Walter may have been spending too much time with the ostriches...

Your hunt sounds great. Say hello to Roy and Allan.. thanks

Actually sounds like great fun to me! The humor is worth the price of admission for sure.

Walter is full "preparation" mode right now.

1. He is doing "more" exercise than normal - read doing nothing at all. So he bought himself rollerblades. What he is going to to with these as an exercise for hunting in Africa is beyond me! I am sure he will come up with something no normal human being is thinking of.

2. He heard me talking to a friend in the States about getting a trail camera. So he went and bought an underwater camera. When I asked him what he wanted that for he said "crocodiles"!

I asked how he is going to take photoes of crococs. He said "you will see"!

3. He is getting one of those farting machines that have a remote! A few years ago he had one and had us crying with laughter using it on others. He hid it behind Roy's seat. Roy was just about to drive off after we had shot an impala.

"PURRRRFH"

Roy "What was that?"
Me, sitting with him in the front of the truck, "What was what?"

Roy "That noise?"
Me "What noise"
Roy "I heard something"
Me "Sorry,I am deaf. I did not hear anything"

"PURRRFHRRUP"

Roy shouts the engine, jumps out of the truck, and starts looking behind his seat. He has a seat cover with a very large pocket on the back. He keeps all sorts of little things in there.

First thing out was a Motorola walki talkie.

Roy "Ah! This is is. Walter has one and is making funny noises" He is standing by the truck now, looking at Walter and everyone else in the back.

Walter, laughing "What I heard sounded like a FART! And I can assure you I did not fart! It was coming from the FRONT where you and Saeed are sitting! Don't blame any of us"

"PURRRRRFH"

Roy goes back behind the seat looking for whatever is making that noise. He find the farting machine - but totally unaware what it is. He brings it close to his face to look at it closely. "PURRRRFEREHRR".

HE pulls it back away from his face. Now every one was laughing.

Me "Bring it close to your mouth and whistle to it. It might work"

Ro does just that, and as he whistles to it, "PURRRRRFEHER"

Now everyone had tears in their eyes. Walter is laughing so loud any animal within 5 miles would be running for his life!

I will try finding out what he intends to do with rollerblades. I hope he is not taking them to Tanzania!

One of "Our Finest," an active duty USAF physician, headed for Kuwait last fall, "deployed" one of the remote-control fart machines in the false ceiling above his office door and had fun with it for a few days before he "deployed" himself. He liked to activate it as the Chief of Medical Staff walked by his office door.

quote:

Originally posted by Jim Manion:
I like the African animals way of thinking. They know the safest place to be during safari season is in Walter's field of fire.

This is a true statement, I have witnessed this first hand in Matesi

Rollerblades and a "Croc-Cam".......is this normal for Africa???

Well, a few facts have immerged from our genius.

Apparently he wants either me, Roy or Alan - what he calls the crazy people - to take photoes and video of crocs under water.

Me "you must be mad if you think any of use is going diving in those rivers to take photoes of crocs!"

Walter "You don't have to dive. What you do is tie the camera to your foot below the knee and turn it on. As you walk in the rivers, the camera can take a video of all the crocs you pass. After you see these, none of you would cross a croc infested river again! You see, I am thinking of your safety!"

Me "That is very kind of you, thinking of our safety. I will keep it in mind next time we get the idea of turning you into hyaena bait!"

Me "What are you going to do with the roller blades?"

Walter "Ah you don't know how well I am doing with them in my exercise"

Me " Take them with you to Africa. I would love to see you screaming downhill into some croc infested river!"

Walter "That is not going to happen. I am using them to exercise right here at home. You know that I cannot do more than about 10 minutes on the walking machine. With my roller blades I did more than one hour while Watching Mr Bean"

Me "You doing one hour of walking is not possible"

Walter " I tell you what I found out. If I put on the roller blades, and stand on the running machine, and hold on with one hand, I can have the machine go very fast, and enjoy watching the video without getting tired"

Me, " You actually used the roller blades on the running machine?"

Walter "Yes! And don't tell me anything there is wrong with that."

Me "No, no, there is nothing wrong with that at all. Except only you would think of such a silly thing to do. No normal human being would ever imagine doing this"

Walter, laughing very loud "Ha ha ha! You talking about NORMAL people? Now you are going to tell me chasing buffalo for 18 hours a day in the middle of the African bush, under a blazing sun, and enjoying it is normal"

What does one say to that?

quote:

Walter " I tell you what I found out. If I put on the roller blades, and stand on the running machine, and hold on with one hand, I can have the machine go very fast, and enjoy watching the video without getting tired"

Was he serious????? He appears to have a much different concept of exercise than most of us other fools. Perhaps he has a budding new career as the Richard Simmons of the UAE...

His new regimen should get him good and ready for riding a chariot on safari.

quote:

Was he serious?????

Oh yes he was!

One time he actually rode a bicycle on his treadmill!....and crashed!

You have to remember this is the same man who shot himself......

With a 12 gauge shotgun once
With a 22 rim fire once
With an air rifle....at least 9 times that I know of!

He is our genuine, original, walking disaster!

And we love him