BolaBola


Walter is fascinated with modern technology. Last week, he decided to build his own desktop computer.

He got all the relevant parts, and was ready to assemble them into a working computer. Assembing a computer today is pretty straight forward, but, being a very careful individual - learnt the hard way from past experiences - he said he might need my help.

Me "Why don't you bring everything here and we will assemble it together?"

"NO! I am going to build it myself. But I will call if I need some help"

I knew this is going to create a problem already. As I like to wake up very early in the morning, and go to bed early too.

Walter, on the other hand, likes to do the exact opposit.

About 10 in the evening my cell phone rang. It was him

"Are you awake?"
"NO! Call me in the morning!"
"In YOUR morning I am still asleep. I just need a bit of help. I put everything together, and I wanted to connect the power supply. But I can see sooo many wires coming out of it, I don't know where each one goes"

"There are only three wires you need connect first, and even you cannot make a mistake with them. There is one very big cable with a long plug at the end. That goes to the socket that fits it on the motherboard. Then there is a 4 pin square plug that fits next to the CPU. And the last one is a 6 pin plug that fits into the graphic card. Once you have done that, start the computer and hit DELETE when it shows you to go to the setup screen. That part is very easy. Just set the date and time, and press F10. That will restart the computer with your saved settings. Turn it off. Connect the signal and power cables to your DVD drive, and one hard disk. Turn the computer back on, and put the Windows installation disk in and install Windows. That is it"

"May be I should not have called you now. Because I don't think I am that far yet."

"You just told me you have put everything together! So the next thing is to start the bloody thing"

"Yes yes but I have not install the CPU and memory yet"

"Hang on a second!? Is the motherboard installed inside the case? Just answer yes or no. I don't any more buts"

"YES"
"Where is the CPU?"
"I am holding it in my hands. It is so beatifull"

"Take the motherboard out of the case"
"Why? There are 8 little screws I had to fit. Some are very fiddly"

"Take the bloody thing out"
"Oh shit! You are already upset! OK, I will take it out."

"Just listen for a minute, as this is the most important step, and most difficult"
"You are upset! You told me before it is very easy to assemble a computer. Now you tell me it is very difficult. Can you make up your mind please?"

"It is very easy for anyone with something between their ears, not you. Are you listening?"

"Yes yes I am. I have a piece of paper to write things down too. What do I do after I take the motherboard out of the case?"

"You have to install the CPU first. That is not difficult. It only fits one way, you cannot fit it wrong. But, DON'T FORCE IT! It just slots into position. Then you have to fit the heatsink and fan. Now, tell me how does the heat sink looks?"

"It is white aluminium with many little fins and has a black plastic fan attached to it"

"OK, turn it over and look at the other side, what do you see?"

"Round copper with something grey on it."
"Are there any screws or holes for screws there?"

"No. There are 4 black plastic legs with tiny slits in them"

"OK, what I suggest is you leave everything alone. Tomorrow go to the computer part store and call me"

"Why? I want to finish this tonight"

"You won't. You will screw it up if you try. Good night"

"Wait, wait! Why can't I put this together?"
"Because installing the heatsink and fan is a bit of a fiddle. And if you cannot get it just right, you can burn the CPU"

"I am looking at the instructions here. It says PUSH and TURN. I will do that, and have it all working by the morning. You go have your beauty sleep. You need it!"

The conversation ended then, and I went to sleep.

Next day I called him late in the morning.

"Is your masterpiece working?"
"Yes and no"
"How can it be working and not working at the same time?"

"Because you were not very helpful last night, I read the instructions, and assembled everything. Then I got a teeny weeny problem I needed your help, but I resisted the urge to call you. I thought if I leave you alone at night you will be more helpful after a good night sleep"

"OK, so what is the problem now?"
"It is not a problem, It is a beep"
"A what?"

"A beep! I turn the computer on, and all I get is one beep. Nothing comes on the screen"

"Look in your motherboard handbook, it will tell you what one beep means"

"Typical! I though you can tell me what it means. Now you tell me I have to look in the handbook!"

"Different motherboards have different warning sounds. So look in your handbook and see what it is. Make sure it is the right beep. Some are long beeps and some are short beeps. They mean different things"

By the time I got home, he caled again.

"The beep says my CPU is over heating"
"You did not listen. I told you not to install that heatsink, but go get one that you can screw to the motherboard. It is easier to fit."

"I will take the heatsink off, what do I do next?"

"Clean the top of the cpu very well. It will have heat sink compound on it. You need to put new compound on when you get the new heatsink"

"Where do I get this compound?"
"It comes with the heatsink"
"May be that was the problem. I did not get any compount with this one"
"Yes you did. It is the grey paste on the copper. Now, let us go back to your beep. When you heard the beep, did the computer switch off after by itself?"

"No. But there was nothing coming on the screen"

"Look in your handbook again. You got the wrong error message. It was not the CPU over heating. If it was the computer would have shut off"

"So now you know better than the handbook ha? The handbook says CPU over heating. You say not. Who do I believe?"

"Walter, it is NOT the CPU over heating, I can assure you of that. And as you are not getting anything on the screen, it could be your graphic card"

"Bloody hell. First it is the CPU is wrong. Now it is the grpahic card is wrong. What do I fix first?"

"Go to the computer store, and get a Zalman Quiet Heatsink. When you get back home call me"


Late in the afternoon he calls.

"I found the problem, and it was all your fault"
"I am sure the problem was not the CPU, that is for sure"

"True. But you forgot to tell me to put the power into the graphic card"
"I did, right at the beginning you nincompoop! I said you have to plug in the power cables for the motherboard, CPU and graphic card"

"May be, then you told me so many things after that I forgot that"

"So it is all working now?"
"Yes it is. And I am so proud I discovered the problem all by myself. I am going to transfer all my programs from my old computer to this one"

"Hang on, hang on! What are you going to do?"
"I have many programs on my old computer, and I want to put them on this one"

"First check if they are compatible with Vista. Look on the installation disk"

"I don't have the installation CDs! I will transfer them from my old compuetr. It will save me all the trouble of installing them"

"Don't do that!"
"Why not?"
"It won't work! That is why!"
"May be I should ask you tomorrow morning. You have a better attitude when you have a good night sleep. Now you are getting more negative as usual"

I hope I have convinced him not to transfer his old programs. Otherwise it is going to be another nightmare!

You two have got to be the ultimate definition of a love-hate relationship!

Roy called today, and I asked him if he goes onto AR to read the forums. He said 'no, I haven't done that, why?' I told him about the videos and stories you put on here about your misadventures with Walter. I won't tell you what Roy said in repsonse.

Whatever you see here is only the tip of the iceberg

Walter should be on America's Got Talent. I think he would sweep the competition! Funny show Walter!

Saeed

I think you should advise Walter to go down to Karama, on his way there he can throw all the bits of his DIY PC in the Creek and buy a nice new READY MADE cumputer.

Incredible! Simply incredible! Saeed: Please write a book for all of us! And the Bola Bola video is priceless!

What you should have told Walter is this:
"Do you still have all the boxes?"
"Do you think you can get all the parts into them?"
"Do so and take it back to the computer store."
"Tell them you have a 10IPI problem."
(To find out what this problem is, invert 10IPI)

I can identify with Walter. I have done the same thing but had a 15 year old kid handy to sort out my mess.

Anymore "Walterable" videos?
I could use another good laugh.

I'm sure that being around the two of you, there is always an adventure! You know Saeed, you cannot buy that kind of friendship and the laughs you have!