DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER



December 8 - 6:00 PM

It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!



December 9

We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had! Shovelled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplough came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!



December 12

The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My neighbour tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbour.



December 14

Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shovelling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplough came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shovelling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.


December 15

20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.



December 16

Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.



December 17

Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.


December 20

Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shovelling! Took all day. The damn snowplough came by twice. Tried to find a neighbour kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.



December 22

Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plough on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying.



December 23

Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.



December 24

6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplough, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plough, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shovelling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplough.



December 25

Merry f---ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight - Snowed in. The idea of shovelling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplough driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.



December 26

Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.



December 27

Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.



December 28

Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!


December 29

10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?



December 30

Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plough driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.



December 31

I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shovelling.


January 8

Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

sounds like around pg right now!!

I'm down here in Australia and there will definately be a brown Christmas for us here. I was really looking forward to getting back to Alberta in Jan. 07 but have been hearing about the weather they are having there lately.

What happens when you have a sunburn and then you gey frost bite on it?????

Robin down under

quote:

Originally posted by duffy4:
I'm down here in Australia and there will definately be a brown Christmas for us here. I was really looking forward to getting back to Alberta in Jan. 07 but have been hearing about the weather they are having there lately.

What happens when you have a sunburn and then you gey frost bite on it?????

Robin down under

HAhaha, only one way to find out!

snows nice when it's time to go hunting or when you are a kid and you want to play in the snow around christmas.Oh yeah,and go ice skateing too.It is not nice when you are older and caught up in a jail-like work routine.long ours in traffic.shovelling almost daily,etc... If I had a choice I would live in a warm country and come to Canada in the winter to hunt caribou and enjoy a white christmas.

shoveling is for guys who can't figure out how to lock in the hubs on the truck

Ahem. Dragged myself out of the rack at 0615, made the coffee, filled the thermos for another fun filled day of wage slavery. Strolled out to my truck to find TWO PLUS FEET of snow had fallen over night. Paralysed the entire city of London. No transit. No taxi's. Nada. Cops telling everybody to stay home. Hadn't been a snow fall like it in nearly 30 years. No plowing of the building parking lot until 1530ish. Then an hour of cleaning off my truck and missing some idiot woman's car, parked stupidly, by half an inch backing out. Thankfully it was fluffy snow.
Of course, the twits I work for were open. Call centre. Lost a day's pay.
Now the temperature has gone up and it's supposed to rain. Humbug indeed. I want my 4 x 4 back. Not that it would have helped much.