A cold seat in a public restroom is unpleasant. A warm seat in a public restroom is worse.

Apparently, an RSVP to a wedding invitation “Maybe next time,” isn’t the correct response.

Don’t irritate old people. The older we get, the less “Life in prison” is a deterrent.

“You will hit every cone on the highway before I let you merge in front of me because you saw that sign 2 miles ago just like I did.

I asked my wife if I was the only one she had ever been with. She said yes, all the others were nines and tens. (Give it a minute..)

I really don’t mind getting older, but my body is taking it badly.

It turns out that being an adult now is mostly just googling how to do stuff.

I miss the 90’s when bread was still good for you and no one knew what kale was.

Do you ever get up in the morning, look in the mirror and think “That can’t be accurate.”

I want to be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have lots of new ideas.

As I watch this new generation try to rewrite our history, one thing I’m sure of....it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday.

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.

My wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they make food right in front of you. I took her to Subway.

I picked up a hitchhiker. He asked if I wasn’t afraid, he might be a serial killer? I told him the odds of two serial killers being in the same car were extremely unlikely.

I went line dancing last night. OK, it was a roadside sobriety test... same thing.

Like # 2, I remember a friend telling his future bride concerning her wedding dress; " I don't know why you want to spend so much money on a dress that you're only gonna wear 4 or 5 times." Yeah, you're right, that went over like a fart in church.

Addendum to the above. The bimbo married Ronnie anyway but recalled to memory the old truism about thoughts of men + women. All women think that they will change their husbands, + all men think that they are above average drivers.

Norman,

When they get married, all women think they will change their husbands, and they don't change.

All men think their new brides will not change, but they do.

True as well.

Yep.

quote:

When they get married, all women think they will change their husbands, and they don't change.

Yep, been accused of that very thing.
Pete