A mild-mannered man was tired of being bossed around by his wife of 27 years, so he went to a psychiatrist without her knowledge. The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem and gave him a short book on assertiveness, which he read in the waiting room of the psychiatrist’s office. When he had finished the book, he drove home. He stormed into his house and walked up to his domineering wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he told her sternly, “From now on, I want you to know that I am the MAN of this house, and my word is LAW! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I am finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Than, after dinner and dessert, you are going to draw my bath so I can RELAX. And when I am finished with my bath, guess WHO is going to dress me and comb my hair?” Without any hesitation, his wife quickly answered, “The funeral director.”

Sounds about right...for my circumstances anyway.

I LOVE guns!

Zeke

So this older guy goes to the doctor because he feels absolutely rotten. The doctor gives him an extensive physical with all the tests. Back home, and suspecting the news will be bad, the husband asks the wife to take the doctor's phone call and hear the prognosis.

The doctor says, "Well, ma'am, I think if we all pull together and work hard, we just might save your husband's life. Now he needs three good meals a day, lots of tender, loving care and be sure to make love every night. Four months of that and he'll pull through."

"So, honey," asks the distraught husband, "What did the doctor have to say?" She replies; "Doctor say you gonna die!"

Similar to the joke of the Lone Ranger getting bit on the dick by a rattlesnake with the same punchline.