>
>MILLER BEER LETTER
>
>An actual letter sent to Miller Brewing Company and their response:
>Miller Brewing Company Milwaukee, Wisconsin 53201
>
>Dear Sir or Madam,
>
>I have been a drinker of Miller beers for many years (actually, ever
>since that other company donated a big chunk of change to Handgun
>Control Inc. back in the mid 80's). Initially, my beer of choice was
>Lite, but some time in mid-1990 while in Honduras I switched to MGD
>smuggled up from Panama. Now, for nearly six years, I have been a
>faithful drinker of MGD. For these past years, I have come to expect
>certain things from Genuine Draft. I expect that whenever I see that
>gold can of MGD, I am about ready to enjoy a great, smooth brew. But
>wait! Sometime around the first of the year, my beloved MGD changed
>colors, so to speak. That familiar gold can was no longer gold!
>Knowing that I am, by nature, somewhat resistant to change, I forced
>myself to reserve judgment on the new can design. Gradually, I grew to
>appreciate the new label. That was until about May of this year. That
>was when I discovered (empirically) that I really didn't like the new
>design. Further investigation of the cause of my distress resulted in
>the following observations:
>
>1. Your cans are made of aluminum.
>
>2. Aluminum is a great conductor of energy.
>
>3. Your beer is commonly consumed outside, and thus, the container may
>be exposed to sunlight.
>
>4. Sunlight striking the can causes radiant warming of the surface of
>the can.
>
>5. The resultant heat (energy) is transferred through the aluminum, by
>conduction, to the contents of the can (the beer).
>
>6. Warm beer sucks. This is a process that can be observed in just
>about any beer. However, this process is significantly accelerated in
>MGD because you painted the can...black!!! Who was the rocket
>scientist that designed the new graphic for the can and implemented
>the change right before summer?
>
>Granted, this process may not be real evident up there in Wisconsin,
>but down here in Oklahoma where the summers are both sunny and hot,
>this effect is quite a problem. There's no telling what the folks in
>Texas and Arizona are having to put up with. Knowing that you would
>probably not address this issue unless you had firm evidence of a
>problem, several other subjects and I conducted extensive
>experimentation. The results of these experiments are listed below.
>
>The experiments were conducted over two days on the deck next to my
>pool. The study included seven different types of beer (leftovers from
>a party the previous weekend) that were initially chilled to 38
>degrees (and then left exposed to sunlight for different lengths of
>time). These beers were sampled by the test subjects at different
>intervals. The subjects, all normally MGD drinkers, were asked at each
>sampling interval their impressions of the different beers. The length
>of time between the initial exposure to sunlight and the point where
>the subject determined the sample undrinkable (the Suck-point) was
>determined. The average ambient temperature for the trials was 95
>degrees F.
>
>Beer Type Average Suck-point (minutes)
>
>Miller Lite (white can) 6.2
>
>Bud (white can) 5.5
>
>Bud Lite (silver can) 5.2
>
>Ice House (blue and silver can) 4.4
>
>Coors Lite (silver can) 4.1
>
>Miller Genuine Draft (black can) 2.8
>
>Coors (gold can) 0.1
>
>It was evident that the color of the can directly correlates to the
>average suckpoint, except for Coors which was pretty much been
>determined to suck at any point. It is to be hoped that you will
>consider re-designing your MGD cans. All beer drinkers that are not
>smart enough to keep their beer in the shade will thank you.
>
>Sincerely,
>
>Bradley Lee
>
>Beer-drinker
>
> The Miller response appears below. They obviously have had a lot of
>fun with this guy's letter.
>
>Dear Bradley Lee,
>
>Thank you for your letter and your concern about the MGD can color as
>it relates to premature warming of the contents. Like you, we at
>Miller Beer take beer drinking very seriously. To that end, we have
>taken your letter and subsequent experiment under serious
>consideration. Outlined below are our findings and solution to your
>problem. May we add that we have had similar letters from other loyal
>beer drinkers, mostly from the Southern United States.
>
>First, let us congratulate you on your findings. Our analysis tends to
>agree with yours regarding Coors. It certainly does suck at about any
>temperature.
>
>Now, it was our intentions when redesigning the MGD can to create
>better brand identity and brand loyalty. Someone in marketing did some
>kind of research and determined we needed to redesign the can. You
>will be pleased to know, we have fired that idiot and he is now
>wreaking havoc at a pro-gun control beer manufacturer. The design
>staffer working in cahoots with the marketing idiot was also
>downsized. However, once we realized this mistake, to undo it would
>have been even a bigger mistake. So, we took some other actions. From
>our market research, we found a difference between northern beer
>drinker and Southern beer drinkers. Beer drinkers in the South tend to
>drink slower than beer drinkers in the North. We are still researching
>why that is.
>
>Anyway, at Miller Beer, it was never our intentions to have someone
>take more than 2.5 minutes to enjoy one of our beers. We pride
>ourselves in creating fine, smooth, quick drinking beers and leave the
>making of sissy, slow sipping beers to that Sam guy in Boston.
>However, it is good to know that you feel our Miller Lite can last as
>long as 6 minutes. However, may we suggest in the future you try
>consuming at least two in that time frame.
>
>>From your letter, we had our design staff work 'round the clock to
>come up with a solution that would help not just MGD but all our fine
>Miller products. We hope you have recently noticed our solution to
>your problem. We found that the hole in the top of the can was not big
>enough for quick consumption. So, we have now introduced the new "Wide
>Mouth" cans.
>
>We hope this will solve all your problems. Might I also suggest that
>if you want to get the beer out of the can even faster, you can poke a
>hole on the side near the bottom, hold your finger over it, open the
>can, tip it to your mouth and then pull your finger off the hole. This
>is a common way to drink beer at parties and impress your friends.
>This technique is known as "shot-gunning". You should like the name.
>Again, thank you for your letter and bringing to our attention that
>there might be other beer drinkers taking more that 2.5 minutes to
>drink our beers. Let me assure you that I am having our advertising
>department work on a campaign to solve this problem, too.
>
>Sincerely,
>
>Tom B. Miller
>
>Public Relations
>
>Miller Brewing Co.
>

LOL ... Thats pretty funny and factual...

ROTFLMAO!

Canadians view of American beer suck time....

Do you really want to know?

Ow , John. Don't want to argue beers here.
Make mine cold & fizzy...can or bottle,don't matter.