Number 9
Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

Number 8
Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 7
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 6
Men have two emotions: hungry and horny, and they can't tell them
apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

Number 5
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to
use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe
years.

Number 4
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital,
dying of nothing.

Number 3
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention
to criticism.

Number2
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world
is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Number 1
Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today might burn
your butt tomorrow.

...and as someone recently said to me:
"Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last that long."

+2

I relate to all of that.The only reason I can laugh is because I've lived it.