Insights into a monkey based society

A brief retrospective

By Ronald Williams

Sisalland a small and obscure asian democracy came into the worlds eye during the initual Iraqi war Desert Storm. Sisalland was a poor country whos only export was hemp and rope products. Was getting poorer by the years as the use of hemp was slowly being replaced by nylon and other synthetic materials. The only other thing that Sisalland was known for was their large and flourishing population of monkeys. Monkeys were not considered a desirable food source by the Sissallandi population so the large supply of monkeys were underutilized as any sort of revenue for the small country.

After the Iraqis were driven from Kawait they left in their wake millions of landmines. Modern techknowledgy to deal with land mines is very good but is very slow and very expensive. Elite Sisalland military units were contracted by the UN to deal with these landmines. By the end of the Sisalland operation the government took in 17.3 trillion dollars for their services, making Sisalland the smallest and richest country in the world.

The way the Sisallandis dealt with the landmines was very unique. A state of the art landmine detector cost millions of dollars and the training and maintenance of the operators took millions more.The Sisallandi military units who had formerly been sniper units, would go out into the jungle and capture thousands of monkeys and tame them, wich took about a week.(Sisallandi monkeys had no predators so this was easy to accomplish) Advanced training consisted of taking the monkeys to a large field planted with special dummy landmines and encouraging the monkeys to dig up the landmines and jump up and down on them. When the monkey would jump hard enough the special dummy land mine would open up and let the monkey at the nice monkey treat hidden inside the landmine.Advanced training lasted three days and then the monkeys were airlifted to Kawait and Iraq.

The former sniper Sisallandi military units motto had been "One Shot One Kill' was changed to "One Landmine One Monkey" The only problems that the military forces encontered was a bizare type of post tramatic stress along with severe health problems that was later linked linked to the inhalation of vaporized monkey matter floating in the air around fields of landmines. This will be discussed in a later article of mine titled (Gulf War Monkey Syndrome, What Makes Our Returning Soldiers Go Ape!)

After the fields of landmines were deactivated or rather activated from a monkeys perspective. The Sissalandi government had a huge surpluss of funds and no where to spend it. The parliment passed a bill authorizing the use of funds to finance scientific research to develope new ways to utilize monkeys. MIT ( Monkey Institute of Technowledgy) Quickly developed a method of distilling monkeys into a very efficiant fuel source for motor vehicles, this was commonly called MONKEY SHINE, but the technnical name was MS85(85% monkey and 15% bannana products) . They then led the research in developing cars and trucks that got up to 20 MPM (MILES PER MONKEY)

Everything was very good for the Sisallandi people. Fuel was cheap, taxes nonexistant, trade was good and the economy prospered for several years until a large MAG( MONKEY ACTIVIST GROUP) gained controll of parliment. They passed laws controlling the amount of monkeys areas that monkeys could be gathered and started taxing monkey shine at a high rate. This made the price of MS85 soar, forcing drivers to cut back on their spending in order to be able to afford fuel to get back and forth to work. The mass importation of monkeys from South America mostly Brazil began at this point. Look for my future article,titled ( A Brazillion is a lot of monkeys.)

Pro monkey groups are currently trying to regain control of parliment and open up the monkey harvesting areas that are not being utilized. Their slogan is "Use our own monkeys and use them now!"Things are only getting worse as the South American monkey supliers have formed a cartel known as Monkey PEC or MPEC for short, to regulate the price of monkeys. The Brazillion Monkey Minister was recently asked to increase the supply of monkeys and his reply was that that would do little to effect the price of MS85 as the Sisallandi refineing capability was not enough to keep up with the demand. (no new monkey distilleries have been constructed for seven years due to legislation passed by the left leaning parliment)

Things are becoming very dire as liberal left wing billionares are buying up monkey futures to drive up the price of MS85 in order to influence the next ellection witch is expected to be a close.

The Sisallandi economic woes are affecting the whole world. The Dollar and the Euro are way down and the stock markets have plumeted, evan China has cut back due to reduced spending from the large American and European markets.

Another bad side affect to the use of forieng monkeys as a fuel source is the South American monkeys are fed a diet of green banannas during transit and studies have shown that a superfrieghter full of monkeys with their bellys full of green bannanas emit more greenhouse gasses in one day than a major volcanic erruption does in a whole year. See my upcoming book (Global Warming Is on its Way Folks, And it Smells Like Monkey Farts)


The only country other than the South American monkey suppliers that is reaping the rewards of this current econmic crisis is Denmark. Danish shipyards are working nonstop, filling South American orders for super monkey transport ships that are twice the size of any oiltanker built to date.

The future of this world economic monkey crisis is currently "out on a limb" so to speak. and this is what you get when liberals monkey around with politics.

Humm,
Sounds familiar.

Ed

Only one snag!
Danish shipyards are exstinct
The asians are building Our ships now, outsourcing is cheaper and the pollution is far away.

quote:

Originally posted by The Dane:
Only one snag!
Danish shipyards are exstinct
The asians are building Our ships now, outsourcing is cheaper and the pollution is far away.

Hey, it is just fiction. Just trying to remember my danish friends.