1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:



A. Lovemaking
B. Screwing

C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town





2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:



A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship

B. Your blood-test results

C. Five tequila slammers





3. You time your orgasm so that:



A. Your partner climaxes first

B. You both climax simultaneously

C. You don't miss ESPN Sports Center





4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:



A. Healthy, creative love-play

B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to

C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend needs to ever find out about.





5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:



A. The best part of the experience

B. The second best part of the experience

C. $100 extra





6. Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:



A. of no influence on your affection for her

B. Not a problem, she can join your gym

C. A conservative estimate





7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:



A. A myth

B. An oxymoron

C. A moron





8. Foreplay is to sex as:



A. an appetizer is to an entree

B. primer is to paint.

C. a long line is to an amusement park ride





9. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:



A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy

B. Is uptight and a waste of time

C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place





Evaluating Results:



If you answered "A" more than 7 times: Ask your wife for annual visitation rights to your balls.



If you answered "B" more than 7 times: Check into therapy - you're more than just a little confused.



If you answered "C" more than 7 times: YOU DA MAN!

Yessssssssssssssss, I am.

When my ex and I were first married, we used the entire house. One afternoon we are playing hide the sausage on the kitchen table and her parents walked in the back door.

They never came over again without calling first.

Rich

Rich,
I had a similar experience involving my 2 kids, I never heard the school bus, and my daughter swore to never eat off the table again. We also used the entire house as well as the garage, snowmobiles,dog box, motorcycle, etc.

Stepchild

Come on guys,,, That's more information than we need to know!

Remind me not to come over for dinner!

My personal highlight was on the back of an elephant in Thailand once on shore leave. But, she wasn't my wife so I guess it don't count.

Still, I don't think I'll ever top that.

Hey Rich, ever heard of a door lock?

Keith