Wife - "Where the hell have you been? You said you'd be through playing golf by noon!"

Husband - "I'm so sorry Honey...but you probably don't want to hear the reason".

Wife - "I want the truth, and I want it NOW!"

Husband - "Fine. We finished in under 4 hours and I drank a quick beer in the clubhouse and hopped in the car. I would have been here at 12
on the button but on the way home I spotted a girl half our age struggling with a flat tire. I changed it in a jiffy, and next she's offering me money. Of course I refused it - then she tells me she was headed to the bar at the Sheraton - and begs me to stop so she can buy
me a beer.

She's such a sweetie and I said yes. Before you know it - one beer turned to three or four and I guess we were looking pretty good to each other. Then she tells me she has a room at the Sheraton less than 50 steps from our table. She suggested we get some privacy while pulling me by the hand.

Now I'm in her room and clothes are flying. The talking stopped and we proceeded to have sex in every way imaginable. It must have gone on for hours, because before I know it the clock says 5:30. I jumped up, threw my clothes on, ran to the car and here I am. There. You wanted the truth. You got it!

Wife - "Bullshit! You played 36 holes, didn't you?

Q - Should an engineer have a wife or a mistress?
A - Both. Each thinks he's with the other, he can go to his lab and work...