Man going home from another night at the bar decides he'll outsmart his nagging wife by parking his noisy truck a block from the house. As he's walking home a neighbors dog attacks him and chews on his backside pretty good.
When he gets to the door he slips off his boots and sneaks in. He checks the bedroom and can hear his wife snoring so he slips into the bathroom to doctor his arse.
He drops his pants and climbs up on the toilet seat and checks out his wounds and as best he can puts bandages on the chewed up area then slips off to bed rather proud of himself.
The next morning his wife wakes him griping about him getting drunk again.
He ask what made her think that he had gotten drunk again?
She replied "it's all the bandages on the bathroom mirror!"