Paddy Murphy stumbles into a bar in Belfast and orders a drink.

He's sporting two black eyes, a broken arm and he's walking with a limp.

"What the hell happened to you?" Asks Shamus the Barman.

"Argh, I got into fight with that little twit Damien O'Connor" replies Paddy. "He had a shovel in his hand, and with it he gave me a terrible lickin".

Shamus says "how many times have I told you Paddy, don't get into a fight unless you have something in your hand"

"I did, I did!" Replies Paddy. "Mrs O'Connors breast and a thing of beauty it is, but useless in a fight!"