A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady,
(mid eighties). The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"

********************************

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect.Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

**********************************************
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says... "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you' re about my age.
How do you feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a new-born baby."
"Really!? Like a new-born baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

************************************************
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."
The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that's red and has thorns."
"Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the
kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

************************************************

Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged.
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman, already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."

Enjoyed 'em all.

After weeks of courting, an octogenarian couple at a rest home for the elderly finally get an opportunity to consummate their relationship.

On the pretence of not feeling very well, the old biddies manage to avoid the annual picnic and whilst the rest home is virtually deserted they slowly creak their way to the old boy's bedroom.

Slowly but surely they manage to strip off and being the gentleman he always was, the old chap asks his partner if there is anything he could do to especially please her.

"Well, there was one thing that used to excite me tremendously in my youthful days" exclaimed the old dear.

"Just name it and it will be done" replies the old duffer.

"I so used to enjoy cunnilingus" she fluttered, quite breathlessly through sheer nervous anticipation "and the last time I experienced that was nearly forty years ago."

Putting on a brave face and silently cursing himself for being such a sentimental fool the old fella goes down on his "young" maiden and slowly starts to part the bottom lip.

As he goes in for the kill, he forcibly recoils in horror at the sheer stench emanating from the snatch area, but having given his word, he is determined to treat his girl to a good time.

Again he goes in and with tears streaming down his face caused by the shocking aroma, he proceeds to munch his way into the hairy goblet and lead his partner to the further heights of sexual delight.

After a valiant effort, the smell becomes too overpowering and he gives in with a coughing fit, having gone a frightful shade of green and feeling nauseous.

Vexed, wifey asks him why he has stopped.

"I'm sorry to tell you this, but your pussy stinks" he shamefully confesses.

"Oh, that'll be the arthritis in my shoulder blades which is causing that"
she casually replies.

"What? How on earth can arthritis in your shoulder blades cause that God awful hum from your scrawny muff??" the old bloke asks incredulously.

"I can't wipe my ass anymore......."