Subject: Why Texas Does Not Need John F. Ketsup (Kerry)






Texas has given all those complainers plenty of time to get used to the results. After seeing the whiners along the inauguration route, the folks from Texas have decided that we might just take matters into our own hands.

Here is our solution:

#1: Let Kerry become President of the United States (all 49
states).

#2: George W. Bush becomes the President of the Republic of Texas.

So what does Texas have to do to survive as a Republic?

NASA in Houston, Texas (we will control the space industry).

We refine over 85% of the gasoline in the United States. >>

Defense Industry (we have over 65% of it). The term "Don't mess
with Texas," will take on a whole new meaning.

Oil - we can supply all the oil that the Republic of Texas will
need for the next 300 years. Yankee states? Sorry about that. >>

Natural Gas - Again we have all we need and it's too bad about those northern states. Mr. Kerry will figure a way to keep them warm....

Computer Industry - we currently lead the nation in producing
computer chips and communications: Small places like HP, Texas Instruments, Dell. Computer, EDS, Raytheon, National Semiconductor, Motorola, Intel, AMD, Atmel, Applied Materials, Ball Semiconductor, Dallas Semiconductor, Delphi, Nortel, Alcatel, Etc,Etc. The list goes on and on.

Health Centers - We have the largest research centers for Cancer
research, the best burn centers and the top trauma units in the
world and other large health planning centers.

We have enough colleges to keep us going: U.T., Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Rice, SMU, University of Houston, Baylor, UNT, Texas Women's University, etc. Ivy grows better in the South anyway.

We have a ready supply of workers (just open the border when we need some more ) .

We have control of the paper industry, plastics, insurance, etc.

In case of a foreign invasion, we have the Texas National Guard and the Texas Air National Guard. We don't have an army but since everybody down here has at least six rifles and a pile of ammo, we can raise an army in 24 hours if we need it. If the situation really gets bad, we can always call Department of Public Safety and ask them to send over a couple Texas Rangers.

We are totally self sufficient in beef, poultry, hogs and
vegetable produce and everybody down here knows how to cook them so that they taste good. Don't need any food.

This just names a few of the items that will keep the Republic of
Texas in good shape. There isn't a thing out there that we need and don't have.

Now to the rest of the United States under President Kerry:
Since you won't have the refineries to get gas for your cars, only President Kerry will be able to drive around in his 9 mile per gallon SUV. The rest of the United States will have to walk or ride bikes.

You won't have any TV as the space center in Houston will cut off
your communications. You won't have any natural gas to heat your homes but since Mr. Kerry has predicted global warming, you will not need the gas.


Signed, The People in Texas

Now Now You know us Texans aren't the type of people that like to brag Even though everything in this thread is true!

"If I owned Texas and Hell I would rent out Texas and live in Hell". General William Tecumseh Sherman.

yea, too bad alaska has more gas, and more oil, we' wont miss texas though. They better watch out though, we might take over big diomede, break alaska in half and they'd be the 3rd largest state in the union

You may have more gas and oil but you can't use it unless your federal government daddy gives you permission. At least Texans own Texas.

thats not a selling point, anyone who owns part of texass got screwed

Alaska is cool. If it wasn't so damn cold and dark for 3 straight months in winter, I might live there!!

Hollywood

TCLouis:

When my Yankee father and I always made sure to tell my Texas mother every joke about Texas, she would tell us that " you'll be sorry some day when you need Texas". Until now I never knew what she meant! Can I move to Texas? (yeah, I think the bastard is going to win)

dark for three straight months? thats one village, not the whole state.

Reminds me of a story I heard years ago while going to school in the Navy. We had a Second Lt who was an instructer who would find any Texans in our class and then proceed to cut them down. One afternoon one of my Texan classmates told the following story. It goes like this:

On this army base there was this kid was sitting out in front of bases stables playing in a pile of Horse Sh!t and this Second Lt walked up asked this kid what was he doing and the kid said I'm building a Texan as there isn't enough Horse Sh!t in the world to build another Second Lt.

Funny thing after the Texan told that joke the we never heard another Texan throughout the rest of the class from thatSecond Lt.