>

> Subject: FW: "Southerness" as a 2nd language
>
>
>
> Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a
> conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
>
>
>
> Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens,
peas,
> beans, etc., make up "a mess."
>
>
>
> Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of
> "yonder."
>
>
>
> Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is -- as in: "Going
to
> town, be back directly."
>
>
>
> Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for
the
> white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the
> middle of the table.
>
>
>
>
> All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the
> term, but they know the concept well.
>
>
>
>
> Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for
a
> neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl
> of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they
also
> know to add a large banana puddin!
>
>
>
> Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and
"a
> right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile
or
> 20.
>
> Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a
> redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
>
>
>
> No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn
> signal is actually going to make a turn.
>
>
>
>
>
> A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an
> adverb.
>
>
>
> Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do
> "queues," we do "lines"; and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody!
>
>
>
> Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're
> related, even if only by marriage.
>
>
>
> Southerners never refer to one person as "ya'll."
>
>
>
> Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
>
>
>
> Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are
> perfectly wonderful;
> that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food;
>
> and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
>
>
>
> When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you
> are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
>
>
>
> Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea
indicates
> the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened.
> "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
>
>
>
> And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old
> ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart"
and
> go your own way.
>
>
>
>
>
> To those of you who're still a little embarrassed by your Southerness:
Take
> two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning.
> Bless your heart!
>
>
>
> And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all
this
> Southern stuff, bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes
> on Southernness as a second language!
>
>
>
>
> And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long
> time, ya'll need a sign to hang on ya'lls front porch that reads "I aint
> from the South but I got here as fast as I could."
>
>
>
> Bless your hearts, ya'll have a blessed day!

Hog Killer

A true southerner will NOT tolerate you intentionally or accidently calling him a Yankee.

"What side was your kin on in the war" is a polite way to ask if you are a Yankee.

"before the war" does not refer to WWI or WWII.

When you're introduced to someone for the first time and they say "You must be kin .." just take the glass of iced tea, sit in the rocker on the stoop, and expect to stay for supper.

"yes'mam" and "yes'sir" are not out of date elements of speech.

Don't comment about all the Spanish moss, they'll know you are not local.

The word "tech" means Georgia Tech in Atlanta no matter how it is used.

If a cousin says "get in the truck, we goin-a hav us some fun" you may want to decline unless you already
have a criminal background or don't have health insurance.

Do NOT ask "What's that" when you are served chicken and dumplings the first time. It is normal Sunday dinner.

Remember, dinner is what you eat at lunch time, supper is what you eat at dinner time.

Only kids play with fireflys. And those small birds are actually dragon flies.

Oh dear. About 95 % of that did not seem odd to me.

quote:

Originally posted by Wendell Reich:
Oh dear. About 95 % of that did not seem odd to me.

Exactly right.

quote:

Originally posted by Wendell Reich:
Oh dear. About 95 % of that did not seem odd to me.

Mind pointing out the 5% that did seem odd? I don't see anything odd about the post at all

From deep in the "Heart of Dixie",

Rick

Mr. James
Being about as Suthrn as you can get(born in Tenn. and raised in Miss. except for what time in the Air Force), I have to correct you on one item:
You have a conniption fit and you pitch a hissie fit.

Some of my coworkers in Hawaii would laugh when I told them I was fixin to go to dinner break, they would ask me what was broke. It's even hard for a deep suthrnr to understand the local dudes when they get to talking pidgin.

Steve E.......

A true southerner was born in a state where
'He needed killin" is considered a valid legal defense.

Your Southern if you hear "Hey ya'll watch this!" and you know that someone is about to go to the hospital.