A young, Southern boy goes off to college but about 1/3 way through
the semester, he has foolishly squandered what money his parents gave
him.

Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy.

"Dad," he says, "you won't believe the wonders that modern education
are coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here that will
teach Ole Blue, our dog, how to talk!"

"That's absolutely amazing!" his father says. "How do I get him in
that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1000," the boy says, "I'll get him
into the course."

So, his father sends the dog and the $1000. About 2/3 way through
the semester, the money runs out.

The boy calls his father again. "So how's Ole Blue doing, son?" his
father asks. "Awesome, dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you
just won't believe this - they've had such good results with this
program, that they've implemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!"

"READ!?" says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get
him in that program?"

"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." His father sends the
money.

The boy has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find
out that the dog can neither talk nor read, so he shoots the dog. When
he gets home, his father is all excited. "Where's Ole Blue? I just can't
wait to see him talk and read something!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. This morning, when I
got out of the shower, Ole Blue was in the living room kicking back in the
recline, reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then he turned
to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messin' around with that little
redhead who lives on Oak Street?' "

The father says, "I hope you SHOT that son of a bitch before he
talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Daddy!"

"That's my boy!"

(I'm glad you told this one and not this damyankee!)