Subject: Student Testing Programs



Reacting to Federal Guidelines, the state of Massachusetts, which has been
highlighted as a role model for student testing by the two U.S. Senators
from this State, released the following memo:

In response to the Federal No Child Left Behind Act, students will have to
pass the test to be promoted to the next grade level. In the hopes that it
will be uniformly adopted by all the states, thus illuminating Massachusetts
to a glorious front runner position in education, it will be called: the
Federal Arithmetic and Reading Test ( FART ).

All students who cannot pass a FART in the second grade will be retested in
grades 3-5 until such a time as they are capable of achieving a FART score
of 80%. If a student does not successfully FART by grade 5, that student
shall be placed in a separate English program, the Spe! cial Massachusetts
Elective for Learning Language ( SMELL ).

If with this increased SMELL program the student cannot pass the required
FART, he or she can graduate to middle school by taking a one-semester
course in Comprehensive Reading and Arithmetic Preparation ( CRAP ).

If by age fourteen the student cannot FART, SMELL or CRAP, he or she will
earn a promotion in an intensive one-week seminar. This is the Preparatory
Reading for Unprepared Nationally Exempted Students ( PRUNES ).

It is the opinion of the Massachusetts Department of Public Instruction that
an intensive week of PRUNES will enable any student to FART, SMELL or CRAP.

U.S. Senators Ted Kennedy and John Kerry stated that this revised provision
of the student-testing program should help " clear the air ," about this
matter.