The location of your mailbox shows you how far
away from your house you can be in a robe,
before you start looking like a mental patient.

My therapist said that my narcissism
causes me to misread social situations. I'm
pretty sure she was hitting on me.

My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up
soon and I'm worried about the 195 lbs I've gained.

I'm getting kind of tired always slowly raising my hand when
someone asks, "Who does something like that?!?"

I always wondered what the job application is like
at Hooters.. do they just give you a bra and say,
"here fill this out"..?

Four-time NASCAR Sprint Cup champion Jeff Gordon
announced that this will be his final season of racing.
You could tell it was time for him to retire during his last
race when he had his blinker on the whole time.
The speed in which a woman says "nothing" when asked
"What's wrong?" is inversely proportional to the
severity of the shit storm that's coming.

Denny's has a slogan, 'If it's your birthday, the meal is on us.'
If you're in Denny's and it's your birthday... your life sucks!

If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "Thank you" is all I
need.....not all this, "how did you get in my house" business!

The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today....
Pretty sure she's going to get me something.

On average, an American man will have sex two to three
times a week; whereas a Japanese man will have sex
only one or two times a year. This is upsetting news to me
I had no idea I was Japanese.

I can't understand why women are okay that JC Penny has
an older women's clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."

I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a
language entirely out of tattoos.

What is it about a car that makes people
think we can't see them pick their nose?

Humorous!

Good Ones..

Thanks you for that. I got my laugh for the day out of it.

At first I thought it was a single text (Americans love long stories). Then guessed that no. And then still read this as a single story - and got better.

vashper, I think you're just trying to start trouble. Either that, or tell me what you've been drinking.....and make mine a double.