We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this one:

>

> Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how

> legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm

> lying.

>

> On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because

> the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I

> had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in

> the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain

> the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly

> because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little

> kitty.

> Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.

>

> Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard

> my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.

>

> 'Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it.'

>

> 'You know where the button is,' I protested through the shower

> pitter-patter and steam. 'Reset it yourself!'

>

> 'But I'm scared!' she persisted. 'What if it starts going and sucks me

> in?'

>

> There was a meaningful pause and then, 'C'mon, it'll only take you a

> second.'

>

> So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent

> outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her

> behavior as extremely cowardly.

>

> Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to

> find the button. It is the last action I remember performing.

>

> It struck without warning, and without any respect to my

> circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its

> gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the

> fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She

> had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under

> the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she

> leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her

> needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly

> bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the

> full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.

>

> Wild animals are sometimes faced with a 'fight or flight' syndrome.

> Men, in this predicament, choose only the 'flight' option. I know this

> from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink

> and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.

> The impact knocked me out cold.

>

> When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.

>

> Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself

> lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of

> 'been-there, done-that' paramedics.

> Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were

> all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while

> trying to suppress their hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.

>

> Somehow, I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it

> back into the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation

> out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too

> painful to talk about, which it was.

>

> 'What's the matter?' They all asked, 'Cat got your tongue?'

> If they only knew!

A good thing I didn't have a mouth full of coffee when I got to the punch line.

Dave

I had a buddy plumber who told me this one about 45 years ago claiming it happened to him. Maybe, we'll never know. But all stories start somewhere. Still funny as hell though, unless you are the guy with a cat on your goods!

BTDT!

Recently married. Hammering away at it
when the cat sunk it's claws in my bag!

G

Years ago when I still lived at home with my parents.
They had a grey stiped female cat, she was a very good mouser, and was in and out of the house.

I was sitting at the kitchen table and watched this all unfold. Mom was at the sink so did not get the full view of what happened

One afternoon during the summer The cat was sitting on top of the butcher block that was in the middle of the kitchen,, when Dad came past her to open the frig door.
Yes as Dad bent over to get something from the bottom section of the Frig, I watched as the Cat, pulled out one paw, then clicked those sharp claws wide open.
Then in a flash, she swatted DAD in the right buttock with those razor sharp claws.
He almost hit his head when he jerked upright, but in moving upright the cats claws got stuck in his pants.
As he backed up and turned around from the frig, he pulled the cat off the butcher block, of course the cat was trying to get loose and was making quite a rucus now
Dad was able to get ahold of the cat by the scruff of her neck, detach her from his buttock/pants, and then walked over to the back door of the house, he opened the screen door and not so gently tossed the cat out of the house.
Then he came into the kitchen and asked Mom to go with him to the bedroom to inspect the damage that Mom's cat had done.

Mom and I were trying so hard not to laugh, I can only guess what that felt like.

J Wisner

This is a true story.

I used to work in an electronic factory in England in the 1970s.

We had a man working there who was very accident prone.

Friday the 13th was coming, so the management gave him the day off.

Just before lunch, there was an announcement on the public address.

They told us all he had called in his bathroom, and broke his arm!

Yes there are certainly those'bad eggs' amongst us, but relish in the knowledge that not everyone in office is a thief. R/e, Pollyanna!