Only in Tennessee!

The owner of a golf course in Tennessee was confused about paying adiscounted invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Tennessee and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" The
secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings."



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A group of Tennessee friends went deer hunting and paired-off in twos
for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering
under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" the others
asked. "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up
the trail," the successful hunter replied. "You left Henry laying out
there and carried the deer back?" they inquired. "A tough call," nodded
the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!

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Regarding the year 2000, a senior at Tennessee was overheard
saying..."when the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Tennessee."
When asked why, he stated that everything happens here 20 years later
than the rest of the civilized world.

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The young Tennesseean came running into the store and said to his
buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking
lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?" The young Tennesseean
answered, "I couldn't tell, but I did get the license number."
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NEWS FLASH! Tennessee's worst air disaster occurred when a small
two-seater Cessna \150 plane, piloted by two University of Tennessee
students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today..

............. Search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so
far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the
evening. Thee pilot and copilot survived and are helping in the recovery
efforts.

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A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-81. The trooper
asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?

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A Tennessean had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and
proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind
it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as
he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked
the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I have a flat tire."
The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded,
"When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares
in the back! I never did understand it neither!!!"

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Little Johnny from Tenneessee is at it again..............

Johnny's next door neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby
was born with no ears.

When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little
Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnny's
parents were very afraid their son would have a wise crack to say about
the baby.

So, little Johnny's dad had a long talk with Little Johnny before going
to the neighbors. He said, "Now, son...that poor baby was born without
any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word
about his ears, or I'm really going to spank your butt when we get back
home."

"I promise not to mention his ears at all," said Little Johnny.

At the neighbor's home, Little Johnny leaned over the crib and touched
the baby's hand. He looked at its mother and said, "Oh, what a
beautiful little baby!"

The mother, who had braced herself for Johnny's comment, was pleasantly
surprised and did, "Thank you very much, Little Johnny."

He then said, "This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little
feet. Why...just look at his pretty little eyes... Did his doctor say he
can see good?"

The Mother, a bit bewildered, hesitantly replies "Why, yes... his
doctor said he has 20/20 vision, why do you ask?"

Little Johnny said, "Well, it's a damn good thing, cause he sure as
Hell won't be able to wear glasses!"

Funny ones.

(true story)
A TN native was telling a yank he needed a tire for his pickup. She couldn't for the life of her figure out why this guy needed tar!

Yes they do talk funny up there!