Edwards limps up to the Queen and kisses her hand. "I am so pleased to meet you, and oh by the way, I slipped and fell on a carpet on my way in. I think we can keep it out of the courts if you agree to pay me $1,500,000 for pain and suffering and $4,500,000 for punitive damages. I strongly suggest we settle now, 'cause if we go to court, I can double that amount."