Q: What is the smartest thing ever to come out of a womens mouth?
A: Einsteins dick.

Q: Whats the difference between E.T. and a man?
A: E.T. phoned home.

Q: How do men get excersize at the beach?
A: By sucking in their stomach.

Q: What did God say when he created man?
A: I can do better than that.

Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet paper roll?
A: No one knows...they've never tried it.

Q: What do you call a woman whos brain has died?
A: A widdow

Q: Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
A: When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.

Q: What do electric train sets and womens breasts have in common?
A: Both were intended for children, but it's the father who ends up playing with them.

Q: What's the difference between a pitbull and a woman with PMS?
A: Pitbulls don't wear lipstick.

Q: What does a man consider to be a seven-course meal?
A: A hot dog and a six-pack.

Q: What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
A: Put the remote control between his toes

In a lift there were three people; an intelligent man, an intelligent woman and Father Christmas. There was also 100 dollars on the floor. Who picked up the 100 dollars?
The intelligent man - because the other two don't exist.

Q: What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?
A: Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

Q: How many men does it take to make popcorn?
A: Four, one to hold the pot, and three to act macho and shake the stove.

Q: What is the difference between government bonds and men?
A: Government bonds mature.

Q: Why do men have a hole at the end of their penis?
A: So they can think open-mindedly.

Q. Why is it that single women do not fart?
A. Because they don't get an asshole until they're married.

Q: What do you call a woman that works like a man?
A: A Lazy bitch.

Q: How do you know when a man is lying?
A: His lips are moving.